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Oct 24 2013

Rod Parsley on Satan and Abraham’s Holy Sperm

Rod Parsley cracks me up. Always has, since the first time I saw him nearly 20 years ago. He has the ability to captivate thousands of people in a church by saying the most egregiously idiotic things loudly and with feigned emotion (this is the primary skill of all mega-preachers, of course). Like this:

God made a covenant with Abraham and pronounced a multitude of blessings upon him. Why? Because God knew Abraham would raise his children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Abraham became the father of many nations, and the entire earth has been blessed through his seed. You are engrafted into the family of Abraham and are blessed because of his righteous seed.

Our children are our righteous seed, and Satan is after them. He has turned our public schools into cesspools of godless propaganda where God is publicly mocked and reviled.

It is time to take a stand against the devil. The blood-bought saints of God must rescue this generation with the blood of Jesus, with the Word of God, and with prayer. Pray a hedge of protection around the children in your life.

I went to public schools. I don’t remember even one time God being “mocked and reviled.” Oh, he means that they teach things that conflict with his moronic beliefs? Yeah, I recall some of that. That’s called education.

Satan is just such a convenient thing to invent and blame things on. I wish I had one of those.

17 comments

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  1. 1
    Larry

    I though my kids were learning spelling and arithmetic in school. Maybe their teacher’s names should have given me a clue: Mrs. Beelzebub and Mr. Scratch.

  2. 2
    unbound

    My kids are going through public school, and there is no mocking or reviling of God or Jesus. Mostly, it is just never brought up at all…which is probably his real issue. I’m sure anything less than praising Allah…er Jesus…every hour is a demonstration of mockery and hatred in his view.

  3. 3
    theschwa

    You are going to pray to God to protect your kids, and the best you can come up with to do that is a hedge?? God’s omnipotence just ain’t what it used to be.

  4. 4
    cswella

    Not that it has anything to do with the guy, but I had something else in mind when I read, “Rod Parsley”.

    IT”S PUBES!

  5. 5
    frankb

    The anti-bullying campaigns in schools are mocking the lord. It’s right there in Genesis. “As the Lord sayeth to all the people, ‘As I bully you, so shall you bully the weak among you.’”

  6. 6
    zippythepinhead

    The Blessed Rabbi Zimmerman said it best when he wrote, “God said to Abraham, kill me a son, Abe said, Man you must be putting me on, God said NO, Abe said WHAT, God said you can do what you want but the next time you see me coming, you better run, and Abe said, where you want this killing done?”

    … and this is the basis for three major religions of the world …

    And God said, Out on Highway 61.

  7. 7
    raven

    Rod Parsley is one of the more obvious conpeople among the vaguely humanoid toads who lead the fundie churches.

    1. He is very wealthy and has the lifestyle to match. He has managed to scoop up millions at least, maybe far more.

    2. His church has had its share of child sexual abuse scandals. No surprise there.

    3. He once called for a global war between the 2 billion xians and 1.4 billion Moslems to genocide and convert the Moslems.

    Given the numbers and the availability of nukes on both sides, such a war would kill billions at least and set the entire world back by centuries. So much for the claim that the basis of morality is religion.

    He is just babbling for money. And don’t laugh, he probably makes more in a year than most people do in their entire lives.

  8. 8
    D. C. Sessions

    Given the numbers and the availability of nukes on both sides, such a war would kill billions at least and set the entire world back by centuries.

    As long as he’s not one of the billions killed, the prize of setting the world back centuries might be worth it.

  9. 9
    raven

    wikipedia:

    McCain later rejected Parsley’s endorsement based on Parsley’s statements regarding Islam.[24] Parsley was quoted as stating that he “do[es] not believe that our country can truly fulfill its divine purpose until we understand America was founded, in part, with the intention of seeing this false religion destroyed” and that Muhammad is “the mouthpiece of a conspiracy of spiritual evil”.[25][26]

    According to Parsley, the USA was founded to destroy Islam.

    Anyone who wants to enlist in World War III can go visit him or send him money.

  10. 10
    Sastra

    It is time to take a stand against the devil. The blood-bought saints of God must rescue this generation with the blood of Jesus, with the Word of God, and with prayer. Pray a hedge of protection around the children in your life.

    Well, Parsley found out that when you stand outside a public school and scream this into a bullhorn, then YOU will be publicly mocked and reviled. In fact, you might even be taken in and questioned by the police, what with all the talk about ‘blood’ and all.

    And that’s more or less the same as doing it to God. Obviously.

  11. 11
    marcus

    “Satan is just such a convenient thing to invent and blame things on. I wish I had one of those.”
    I usually just blame my penis, it seems to make all the real decisions anyway. <8-)

  12. 12
    Jackie, all dressed in black

    So far my kids are only bringing home C’s in god mocking. We’re going to get them a tutor to help them with their comic timing. I think that should put them on the honor roll.

  13. 13
    Jackie, all dressed in black

    Meanwhile, is anyone else squicked out by how in love with their own sperm these guys are?
    I mean, “Blessed seed”? You think they talk like that in the bedroom? Yikes!

  14. 14
    cheesynougats

    @3,

    What I want to know is how well hedges stand against iron chariots?

  15. 15
    greg1466

    God made a covenant with Abraham and pronounced a multitude of blessings upon him. Why? Because God knew Abraham would raise his children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

    Or because God threatened to kill the kids if he didn’t. Whatever.

  16. 16
    busterggi

    ” You are engrafted into the family of Abraham and are blessed because of his righteous seed.”

    Now the bible says Abraham was from Ur in Sumeria – does this make all of us Sumerian citizens?

  17. 17
    exdrone

    God hooked up with a married man and threatened his child with abuse, while Satan is influential in our communities, is concerned with the development of our children and is involved in the education system. I know to which deity I feel drawn.

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