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Swanson, Buehner Rail Against…Girl Scout Cookies

Kevin Swanson and Dave Buehner, two of the fringiest and most extreme voices — okay, let’s just call them morons — on the religious right, frequently launch into bizarre diatribes against things they dislike. This time it’s Girl Scout cookies, of all things.

Swanson: The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country. I’d say you ought to say no the Girl Scout cookies too. I don’t want to support lesbianism, I don’t want to support Planned Parenthood and I don’t want to support abortion, and if that be the case I’m not buying Girl Scout cookies. Now I suppose if you take a big, fat, black magic marker and you say, ‘give me that box,’ and you start marking out all of the references to the Girl Scouts of America on all the boxes then maybe we’re not promoting that organization anymore and I’d be willing to buy it. Maybe it’s not food offered to idols anymore if I had the opportunity to scratch out references to the Girl Scouts of America on the boxes of the Girl Scout cookies offered to me at Safeway.

Buehner: Those are some pretty expensive cookies you’re eating though. At some point a Christian has to say, ‘the earth is the Lord’s and the fullness thereof,’ and where you spend your money does count.

Swanson: It does and I don’t want to promote a wicked organization that according to its own website doesn’t promote godly womanhood, it just doesn’t, I don’t see anything that promotes godly womanhood. The vision of the Girl Scouts of America is antithetical to a biblical vision for womanhood, it’s antithetical to it.

Swanson: Please, I beg of you, do not buy Girl Scout cookies. Please, I beg of you, stop buying Girl Scout cookies. And if you do, take a big black magic marker and cross out all of the references to Girl Scouts of America on all of the signs and all of the boxes because we do not want to promote that organization.

That’s hilarious. It’s okay to buy them and give that evil organization your money, but a magic marker could make it okay. On the other hand, I do think that Thin Mints are of the devil. That’s why they taste so damn good. One whole box is the only serving size for Thin Mints.

Comments

  1. matty1 says

  2. raven says

    Swanson: The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country.

    It’s really shocking to these guys when the baby factories get up and start walking around. It’s like discovering your toaster has a mind or something.

    They’ll be even more shocked if they ever go out of their bubbles and discover those incubators are not only mobile, but drive cars, go to college, have careers, and occasionally get elected to high office.

    Must be traumatic to realize the Dark Ages are over.

  3. John Pieret says

    I don’t want to promote a wicked organization that according to its own website doesn’t promote godly womanhood

    What? The Girl Scouts don’t play “Get Your Biscuits In The Oven And Your Buns In The Bed” on its website?

  4. says

    That much ridiculous incoherent hatred of girls who aren’t even done with puberty yet? Why am I reminded of the Taliban?

    We feel our role is to help girls develop self-confidence and good decision-making skills that will help them make wise choices in all areas of their lives.

    Yep, that’s what Malala was shot for doing. So yeah, the people who hate the girl Scouts for doing this really are no better than the Taliban.

  5. cafink says

    Girl Scout cookies are a seasonal product, and I’m always afraid that I’m going to develop an intense craving for Thin Mints during the off season, so I always buy them by the case.

  6. eric says

    Swanson: The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country.

    IOW: “You need to learn [whack!] to obey [whack!] your father [whack!]“

  7. D. C. Sessions says

    That much ridiculous incoherent hatred of girls who aren’t even done with puberty yet? Why am I reminded of the Taliban?

    It’s Tradition! Get them early, get them pregnant, get them settled in and dependent. Once they get a taste of freedom, they also get ideas.

  8. D. C. Sessions says

    And another blockquote fail. Naturally, on the one post I haven’t previewed lately.

  9. twincats says

    Normally I’d say “Yay! More cookies for me!” but these morons can’t even boycott right. I think it’s time to go all Soup Nazi on these guys, toot sweet!

  10. Brain Hertz says

    That’s hilarious. It’s okay to buy them and give that evil organization your money, but a magic marker could make it okay.

    You know, the only way this makes any sense at all is if they think that Magic Markers are actually magic…

  11. Sastra says

    Doug Little #3 wrote:

    PZ beat you to this one Ed.

    So what? It’s not a contest.

    I happen to read both blogs and you may also read both blogs, but there’s a hefty chunk of readers which read only one of them. Besides, the writers are unique, the posts often focus on different aspects of the same issue, and the difference in commenters means the discussions often go in different directions.

    If you want to bring up a point made elsewhere then sure, go ahead. But I think this is a bit silly.

  12. shay says

    “We feel our role is to help girls develop self-confidence and good decision-making skills….”

    Clearly, utterly evil.

  13. dingojack says

    Just another example of ‘magic [marker] thinking‘ ?
    ;) Dingo
    ———-
    OBTW “Swanson: The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country.”.
    So feminism, that has, at the very least, caused no discernible harm is evvvvuul, but the Teabaggers (who loooove some of that ‘rugged individualism’) and, in actuality, damn-near created a global financial meltdown that would make the Great Depression look like a minor downturn = ‘godly’.
    Go figure.

  14. Ichthyic says

    The individualism of feminism has been devastating to this country.

    I like it when authoritarians make their personalities clear right in the very first sentence they utter.

    what else would you expect an authoritarian to say other than

    individualism = bad

    ?

  15. mobius says

    Ed, I have to agree with you on this one. While there are many good varieties of Girl Scout Cookies, Thin Mints are definitely the best. By far. They are awesome.

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