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Oct 14 2013

Santorum’s Bizzare French Revolution Rant

At the Values Voters Summit, Rick Santorum gave a bizarre, incoherent diatribe about the French Revolution, tying it to Obamacare and the contraception mandate. Somehow that has something to do with the French Revolution and Jacobinism. See if you can make any sense of it.

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  1. 1
    tbp1

    See if you can make any sense of it.

    I’ve found that with Mr. Santorum I don’t need to actually read or listen to whatever it is he is saying to know that I won’t be able to make any sense of it. It saves time.

  2. 2
    Michael Heath

    Ed writes:

    Rick Santorum gave a bizarre, incoherent diatribe about the French Revolution, tying it to Obamacare and the contraception mandate. Somehow that has something to do with the French Revolution and Jacobinism. See if you can make any sense of it.
    [Bolded by Heath]

    See my comment post on turkey gobbling: http://goo.gl/hJ9lhu

  3. 3
    John Phillips, FCD

    See if you can make any sense of it.

    Nope, there were individual words I understood, but strung together they made no sense at all. Obviously my idiot to English translator is on the fritz.

  4. 4
    greg1466

    Rick Santorum gave a bizarre, incoherent diatribe

    In other words, he spoke.

  5. 5
    kantalope

    Maybe Rick already tried to run it through google’s idiot to english translator?

  6. 6
    raven

    …to know that I won’t be able to make any sense of it.

    Try the Satanorum to English translator on Google. He is the only one left that speaks an ancient dialect.

    Scholars aren’t too sure how to translate Satanorumish but the best reconstruction is:

    1. He hates the French revolution because it diminished the power of the Pope and left the Dark Ages even further behind.

    2. Which matters because he wants to be a new Pope.

    3. And he misses the Dark Ages a lot.

  7. 7
    dingojack

    The only thing one can confidently tie to Mr Sanatorium Santorum is a frothy mixture of lube, spermicide and faecal matter.
    Dingo

  8. 8
    alanb

    The connection between Obamacare and the French Revolution is obvious. It is the reason why I am heavily invested in tumbrel stocks.

  9. 9
    kantalope

    maybe this will help https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pus6XF_qh38

  10. 10
    lclane2

    I knew that Obama was Stalin and Hitler, but I didn’t realize that he was Robespierre as well.

  11. 11
    exdrone

    What I got out of it is that Santorum endorses making Plan B available in vending machines as a preferred option to selling it through pharmacies. Got it.

  12. 12
    Joel Anderson

    I ran this through 103 of the world’s best translation algorithms. 68 of them crashed. 27 asked for more information. The remaining 8 produced an even worse form of gibberish.

  13. 13
    laurentweppe

    As a French citizen, let me tell you that:

    Yes, Yes, YES, we want you to be a Secular Jacobinist Republic where the federal state has enough power to not be bullied into submission by tiny local princelings. That’s what we wish to every country we like.

  14. 14
    eric

    I knew that Obama was Stalin and Hitler, but I didn’t realize that he was Robespierre as well.

    Wait, I thought Darwin was Stalin and Hitler. Maybe Darwin and Obama time share.

  15. 15
    MikeMa

    So much stupid struggling to get out of that stunted, twisted brain cavity. Wake me when he speaks coherently.

  16. 16
    Area Man

    I want my two-and-half minutes back.

  17. 17
    John Pieret

    Wake me when he speaks coherently.

    You’ll have to change your name to Rip Van Winkle.

  18. 18
    caseloweraz

    So the nefarious thing about the “ObamaCare” mandate is not that it forces people to use contraceptives, but that it forces people to pay for them.

  19. 19
    Taz

    You know who else established a secular government, Rick? Hitler The founding fathers!

  20. 20
    grumpyoldfart

    At least the audience members would have recognized the silliness of his speech and decided to vote Democrat at the next election.

  21. 21
    chimera

    So, Santorum is against liberty, equality and fraternity. Wow, didn’t think he’d admit that much less tout it.

  22. 22
    ehmm

    I’m pretty sure the one coherent thing he said was that it would be better FOR DEMOCRACY if emergency contraception was available from vending machines, free of charge.

  23. 23
    iknklast

    I knew that Obama was Stalin and Hitler, but I didn’t realize that he was Robespierre as well.

    OK, now we’ve got three of his 50 demons named. That leaves only 47 to go…

  24. 24
    gmacs

    Richard John Santorum is a fascist. That is all I can say to explain his continued babbling.

    Think about it. He is against abortion. He is against gays. He believes women have a proper role in society. He believes that it is every person’s duty in society to form a “traditional” family unit and raise their children to fit into the appropriate roles. He is, like most conservatives, a nationalist.

    I’m not a historian, but as far as I can tell, those are pretty much the central points of fascism.

  25. 25
    Azkyroth Drinked the Grammar Too :)

    So, Obamacare will lead to a repeat of the French Revolution.

    Promise?

  26. 26
    John Pieret

    As always, it boils down to wingnut “logic” …

    P1: Obama is bad;

    P2: the French Revolution was bad;

    C: ergo Obama is bringing about another French Revolution.

  27. 27
    d.c.wilson

    I’ll take a stab at it:

    The French Revolution was based on liberty, equality, and fraternity and that’s bad because its not paternity, which I think is code for “do what Daddy (or the Pope) tells you to do. Also, Napoleon gave away contraceptives.

  28. 28
    longstreet63

    Oh, yes, the French certainly had no reason whatsoever to go after the clergy that had been oppressing them for centuries.
    His history isn’t very good, though. Napoleon ended the Revolution, had himself crowned (more or less by the Pope) and reinstituted the aristocracy and brought back the church.
    Overall, the French seemed to really prefer not having kings any more after that. Unlike the British, who after Charles I, preferred kings who knew their place.
    Maybe next week, Santorum can rail against Obama’s support of Cromwell.

  29. 29
    Ichthyic

    1. He hates the French revolution because it diminished the power of the Pope and left the Dark Ages even further behind.

    2. Which matters because he wants to be a new Pope.

    3. And he misses the Dark Ages a lot.

    actually, that rather DOES make sense when applied to teabagger mentality. In talking with them, I’ve often thought that what they say they want matches most closely with going back to Feudalism.

  30. 30
    Ichthyic

    maybe Santorum recognizes the historical inevitability of what happens to the rich when a huge income disparity maintains itself for long enough?

    I’ll need a LOT of sodium bicarb before I consider eating most of the American rich though.

  31. 31
    cheesynougats

    @28,

    “Obama’s support of Cromwell.”
    Thanks, longstreet. Now I’ll have that Monty Python song stuck in my head for the next 2 days.
    .

  32. 32
    Josef Mulroney

    i’m sure i am not the only one who was amused the frothy mixture complaining about the individual mandate while standing in front of a sign with the heritage foundation printed on it.

  33. 33
    ck

    I think the only Santorum speech that ever made any sense to me was the one he provided for Bad Lip Reading:

  34. 34
    ck

    Oops. Forgot that naked YouTube URLs auto-embed.

  35. 35
    sailor1031

    Santorum forgot to mention that the french revolution was going well, accomplishing its aims, freeing the people from centuries of tyranny, bringing democracy and suppressing the rule of RCC Inc. right up to the point where the crazies usurped it creating the total chaos which paved the way for Napoleon’s autocracy. It should be a dire warning to us not to let the american revolution be hijacked by the crazies too.

  36. 36
    coryat

    What a strange mixture: a gross oversimplification of revolutionary history and Napoleon and just weird links – what the hell was that ‘fraternity not paternity’ bit about? I’ve never heard Santorum speak before, he had shades of Phil Davison about his delivery.

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