Glenn Beck’s Dream Administration

On a recent show, Glenn Beck started daydreaming about his perfect presidential administration. Get this: President Ted Cruz, Vice-President Rand Paul, Treasury Secretary Ron Paul and Secretary of State Louis Gohmert. Jesus. I wouldn’t leave the country, I’d leave the planet.

29 comments on this post.
  1. matty1:

    Sorry, what position would Jesus be in?

  2. Area Man:

    No, no, Ron Paul is supposed to be Fed chair, so he can lecture us about the need to raise interest rates and switch to the gold standard to ward off the hyper-inflation that’s been right around the corner for the last 30 years.

  3. Who Knows?:

    My first thought was, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

  4. MikeMa:

    Were both of Glen’s hands visible while he was having this erotic nightmare?

  5. lorn:

    That is how it all ends. In the deformation of the rectilinear framework of reason and logic itself, the formation of a black hole of stupid. A place where no thought can escape. Once created it can never be shut down.

  6. Loqi:

    A government of the stupid, by the stupid, for the stupid.

  7. Area Man:

    Let me guess, Allan West for Sec. Defense, Michelle Bachmann for Sec. of Education, one of the Koch brothers for Sec. of the Interior, and for Sec. Treasury, that Tea Party leader who booked 600 rooms at a hotel that he couldn’t fill and then got sued for not paying. All you have to do is find the most malicious, least competent person for each job, and you’ve got Beck’s Dream Team.

  8. mobius:

    I know you don’t like short comments, but I really have only one reply to this.

    [headdesk]

    Ouch. Now I need aspirin.

  9. Olav:

    Leaving the planet, huh?

    At least Americans would have unrestricted access to planet leaving devices under a government such as the one described. The right of the people to leave the planet shall not be infringed.

  10. timgueguen:

    Surely this is clear evidence Beck is actually a Chinese agent. After all such a lineup would quickly leave the US adrift and ripe for the plucking.

  11. democommie:

    The problem with parsing Glennie Bek’s nonsense is the impossibility of knowing whether it’s 100% delusional or 100% cynicism. I know it could be equal parts of both, to some people, but that brand of bullshit is too strong to be less than 100% of whatever.

    “My first thought was, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

    Horses are involved, but only their nether regions.

  12. coragyps:

    Gohmert for Secretary of State?

    Fuck me with a dull chainsaw. Louis would have to be tutored on how to spell places like France or Peru.

  13. neonsequitur:

    What about Sarah Palin?

    Homeland Security? No, I forgot… Prez Cruz gets to appoint Supreme Court jesters. I mean judges.

    So yeah… Supreme Court Justice Palin!

  14. hunter:

    Ii would have figured Palin for Health and Human Services. Or maybe Interior.

  15. Olav:

    Coragyps #12:

    Fuck me with a dull chainsaw.

    That would also be a method for leaving the planet. Personally I would prefer throwing a rope over the attic beam instead of those bloodier methods.

  16. atheist:

    Nuke it from space. It’s the only way to be sure.

  17. howardhershey:

    As an alternative to Gohmert for State, might I recommend one of the Congress people named King? Nothing like a Secretary of State who regards any non-white American as an inherently evil terrorist to win hearts and minds. And for HEW why not go for an actual doctor, say Broun or Desharlais. Both a credit to their profession, whatever that is.

  18. shripathikamath:

    Wait, is Tejas seceding? Please, please tell me that Tejas is seceding and this is their limited gubmint.

  19. BCat70:

    I was okay reading this until “Secretary of State Louis Gohmert”.
    Then…
    http://cdn.straightfromthea.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/blankstare-CtA.gif

  20. Dr X:

    Attorney General Larry Klayman

  21. Dr X:

    Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff klingenschmitt

  22. democommie:

    @21:

    Wouldn’t it be Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Rod & Staff?

  23. dogmeat:

    I wouldn’t leave the country, I’d leave the planet.

    I’m thinking a. Centauri, anything closer would likely end up contaminated by the radiation of the pure and utter stupid.

  24. dingojack:

    Matty #1 – whichever is most comfortable for uncontrolled weeping.
    lorn #5 – surely you mean ‘a Bek-hole of stupidity’?

    And, of course, US Ambassador to the UN, Glenn BeK.
    @@

    Dingo

  25. democommie:

    After the take-over, Glennie will have his own country, Oozebekistain.

  26. jnorris:

    Chuck Norris for Director of the FBI

    Mr Beck can have his dream cabinet in his walled city on the hill (yeah, call it Oozebekistain) where everyday is the Fourth of July.

  27. tsig:

    “My first thought was, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.”

    The Four Nags of Negativism.

  28. criticaldragon1177:

    Ed Brayton,

    ——————————————————————————————————————————————————-
    On a recent show, Glenn Beck started daydreaming about his perfect presidential administration. Get this: President Ted Cruz, Vice-President Rand Paul, Treasury Secretary Ron Paul and Secretary of State Louis Gohmert. Jesus. I wouldn’t leave the country, I’d leave the planet.
    ——————————————————————————————————————————————————-

    This could actually happen. Too bad we don’t have another planet that we could actually emigrate to at the moment.

  29. StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!:

    Jesus. I wouldn’t leave the country, I’d leave the planet.

    Don’t worry ’bout this, Ed.

    It ain’t gonna happen.

    Beck’s gubmint ideal will never get elected. Just further proof how fucking delusional and apeshit that whackjob is. (We all know this already right?)

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