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Sep 24 2013

Klayman Demands Obama Resignation

The collection of pseudo-patriots and yokels that Larry Klayman put together for his “citizen grand juries” in Florida has returned a verdict of guilty and Klayman thinks that means Obama should resign. Because, you know, Kenyan Muslim, not an American, blah blah blah. I present his latest column with my comments interspersed in italics:

Last Wednesday, the great usurper, Barack Hussein Obama, after having been indicted by an Ocala, Fla.,citizens’ grand jury (Read: a bunch of bumpkins playing dress up), was convicted by a people’s court of defrauding the American people and Floridians by proffering them with a fake birth certificate. See CitizensGrandJury.com.

As readers of this column and WND know too well, Obama is not a natural-born citizen eligible to be president of the United States, as he was not born in this country to two American citizen parents (So Ted Cruz isn’t eligible either, right? And neither was John McCain). However, to justify his fraud and his elections to the highest office in the land, and after years of inquiry, in 2011 the Obama White House posted on its website a birth certificate purporting to show him having been born in Hawaii. The problem is, however, according to forensic experts, the birth certificate is altered and forged (and by “forensic experts” he means people who have no idea how PDFs work).

The day of reckoning has come. Obama, having failed to plead in response to the indictment that was served upon him (wow, really? Hard to believe he wouldn’t take this seriously), waived his right to a jury trial. Thumbing his nose at We the People (“We the Deluded), as the citizens’ prosecutor, I appeared before a citizens’ court judge (Wapner?) and presented evidence from Cold Case Posse investigator Michael Zullo showing that Obama tricked voters into electing him in 2008 and 2012. As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida (Yeah, good luck with that. Let us know how it works out).

Of course, Klayman knows that Obama isn’t going to do anything but laugh at all of this nonsense, so he has a plan:

Of course, Obama will not willingly obey the law of the people. He will attempt to hide behind the iron fences of the White House, perhaps cowering under his desk for fear that the people will rise up and demand his ouster.

Yes, I’m sure he’s absolutely terrified. And isn’t this where Jerome Corsi tells us that cowering under his desk is a secret signal to Al Qaeda that they can raid the White House salad bar or something?

On Nov. 19, 2013, a day that will hopefully live on in the history of our once great republic, I call upon millions of Americans who have been appalled and disgusted by Obama’s criminality – his Muslim, socialist, anti-Semitic, anti-Christian, anti-white, pro-illegal immigrant, pro-radical gay and lesbian agenda – among other outrages, to descend on Washington, D.C., en masse, and demand that he leave town and resign from office.

Awww. He’s so cute when he balls up his little fists and cries, isn’t he? Prediction: On Nov. 19, 2013, a day that will mean next to nothing to anyone, Larry Klayman will show up in Washington, DC (if he can afford the plane ticket) along with a handful of wingnuts and do nothing but get pointed and laughed at as they show up at the White House gate demanding that the president surrender to them. I just hope it’s caught on video.

36 comments

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  1. 1
    eric

    “Cold Case Posse investigator”

    Since we’re obviously choosing our own titles, can I be Grand High Pooh-Bah?

  2. 2
    imrryr

    He will attempt to hide behind the iron fences of the White House, perhaps cowering under his desk for fear that the people will rise up and demand his ouster.

    It’s good to have an active imagination but damn, dude, get a grip.

  3. 3
    arakasi

    Well, the Citizens Grand Jury of Those People Who Happen to be Sitting at My Desk Right Now have declared Larry Klayman to be guilty of treason. He is hereby sentenced to approach Mark Kessler and yell “I’m with the ACLU and I’m here to take your guns!”

  4. 4
    arakasi

    Right now, Obama is giving a speech at the UN. He doesn’t appear to be cowering

  5. 5
    leftwingfox

    Is “people will rise up and demand his ouster.” is missing a blockquote close tag afterwards?

    ‘Cause I’m not getting out of the boat to double-check. Don’t care how fresh the mangos are.

  6. 6
    cottonnero

    Maybe I’m not following this correctly, but… wouldn’t that make Joe Biden president?

  7. 7
    Chiroptera

    He will attempt to hide behind the iron fences of the White House, perhaps cowering under his desk for fear that the people will rise up and demand his ouster.

    Heh. Does anyone else remember the commenter from early 2009 who signed himself “John Adams”?

  8. 8
    Chiroptera

    cottonnero, #6:

    Heh. These are people who have no idea how the US Constitution works.

  9. 9
    Larry

    All of Klayman’s ranting about Obama’s “crimes” comes down to one thing: presidenting while black. We’ve heard it for 5 years now and nobody but diseased little pricks like Klayman give a shit.

  10. 10
    colnago80

    Re cottonnero @ #6

    That’s AOK with the tea party folks as Biden is a honky.

  11. 11
    petemoulton

    Well said, Larry.

  12. 12
    Mr Ed

    As a Peoples Sovereign Person I exercise the right that sovereigns have had for millennia and issue full and unconditional pardon to Barack Obama and the whole executive branch (not Tim in IT he’s just a jerk).

  13. 13
    rabbitscribe

    #6 Cotton: “Maybe I’m not following this correctly, but… wouldn’t that make Joe Biden president?”

    That’s unclear. I know: let’s convene a Citizen’s Supreme Court and decide! Ed can be Roberts, I’ll be Sotomayor, you be Alito. Hey gang, let’s put on a show!

  14. 14
    d.c.wilson

    I wouldn’t be surprised if these numbnuts have convinced themselves that if Obama were removed from office, they get a do over of the last election. But as the Green Wizard of Justice, I find Larry Klayman mentally incompetent and order him confined to an institution until he is cured of his delusions.

  15. 15
    John Pieret

    He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years

    Umm, which criminal code is he referring to that sets that maximum sentence? He might want to check the same code to see if it authorizes citizen grand juries and citizen court judges.

    On the other hand, they may just be making it up as they go along … which would be in accord with the rest of their babble.

    Wasn’t Farrah just complaining about being ridiculed as a “birther”? Maybe he’s right … he should be ridiculed for being a moron for giving Klayman an outlet for his delusions.

  16. 16
    Dr X

    Did ModusO write that for him?

  17. 17
    caseloweraz

    Klayman: As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts…

    Surely, in keeping with the tradition of transparency of legal proceedings, the public has the right to know the identity of this “citizen’s court judge.”

  18. 18
    howardhershey

    Isn’t Klayman exactly the sort of “mentally ill” person that the NRA thinks should be kept away from guns and sharp objects? Or is he exactly the sort of “mentally ill” person the NRA thinks should be armed to the teeth and have access to RPGs?

  19. 19
    scienceavenger

    @13 I’ll be Thomas, cuts down on the workload.

  20. 20
    Modusoperandi

    d.c.wilson “I wouldn’t be surprised if these numbnuts have convinced themselves that if Obama were removed from office, they get a do over of the last election.”
    That’s ridiculous. They’d get a do-over of the last two elections.

    Dr X “Did ModusO write that for him?”
    Sort of. The draft I sent him was a musical.

  21. 21
    kantalope

    I want to host a “Citizens Court at the Pub”. Bring your list of grievances and we’ll all vote up or down on whatever you have. I’ll need help with the procedural rules though but

    1) Have to drink if anyone says Kenyan or Obamacare but both in the same breath requires the speaker to buy a round

    Modus, for your musical I hope you were thinking Neil Patrick Harris as Klayman; maybe Hugh Jackman shirtless and in blackface as Obama…

  22. 22
    ArtK

    They’re so cute when they dress up and play cops-and-robbers, aren’t they?

    It’s nice that Klayman gave plenty of warning for when he’s going to “storm” the White House. The Secret Service and capitol police have plenty of time to practice keeping their faces straight while they arrest the idiots.

  23. 23
    savagemutt

    ‘Cause I’m not getting out of the boat to double-check. Don’t care how fresh the mangos are.

    Fuckin’ tiger, man!

  24. 24
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    … proffering them with a fake birth certificate …

    Clearly Klayman’s first language isn’t English. Let’s demand to see his birth certificate.

  25. 25
    Area Man

    Heh. These are people who have no idea how the US Constitution works.

    They have no idea how the concept of law works. We don’t even get around to the Constitution until 3rd grade.

  26. 26
    Area Man

    …Obama tricked voters into electing him in 2008 and 2012.

    This was the funniest bit of all. Why didn’t you run with it, Ed?

    Obama tricked voters into voting for him! By being the more appealing candidate! That’s totally unfair!

  27. 27
    Area Man

    As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida.

    I just held my own citizens’ court for Larry Klayman. I happen to be the only member, but it’s okay because I’m a Citizen and one of the People.

    Larry was found guilty of being a stupid shit who has no understanding or respect for law or democracy. Now for the sentencing… done! Larry is hereby sentenced to 20 years in rape prison, and is ordered to turn over his entire net worth. I’ll be on the lookout for that seventeen dollar check.

  28. 28
    scott

    18 U.S.C. § 2384 – Seditious Conspiracy:
    “If two or more persons in any State or Territory, or in any place subject to the jurisdiction of the United States, conspire to overthrow, put down, or to destroy by force the Government of the United States, or to levy war against them, or to oppose by force the authority thereof, or by force to prevent, hinder, or delay the execution of any law of the United States, or by force to seize, take, or possess any property of the United States contrary to the authority thereof, they shall each be fined or imprisoned not more than 20 years, or both.”

    I suppose if his dozen supporters show up in DC and all they do is stumble around trying to remember how to talk in our Earth languages there’s no “by force”. And of course there are 1st amendment issues; the guy does have a right to run his mouth, however noxious he is.

  29. 29
    matty1

    On Nov. 19, 2013, a day that will hopefully live on in the history of our once great republic,

    A day that will live in hilarity?

  30. 30
    jnorris

    I just want to remind all event visitors that I will be selling commemorative T-shirts, tea bags, beer can hats and rally towels at the north entrance to KlaymanPaloosa on Nov 19th. That’s the NORTH entrance. With every $200 purchase get a free Citizen Court Sheriff’s kit including badge, handcuffs and whistle! No checks.

  31. 31
    Zeno

    This is so much like the loony “sedevacantists” who think the last legitimate pope was Pius XII and occasionally get together in little groups to elect a “true” pope. My favorite is Pope Michael I, who was elected by a schismatic conclave of six people — two of whom were his mommy and daddy. Klayman would feel right at home in such a group.

  32. 32
    pocketnerd

    Thus spake ZaraKlayman:

    As a result, the citizens’ judge found him guilty on two counts of falsifying information to federal and state election officials. He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida.

    Or… what? Larry will cross Obama off his Christmas Card list? Send a sternly-worded letter to the editor? Hold his breath until he turns blue?

  33. 33
    coffeehound

    He was thus sentenced to the maximum prison term for these offenses of 10 years and ordered to immediately surrender himself into the custody of the citizens of the United States and Florida

    Damn straight, Larry. You make it a point to march down to the White House and go get him. Don’t forget your handcuffs *sets up lawn chair and popcorn*

  34. 34
    timgueguen

    Just as Scott Lively should be forced to change his name to Scott Deadly(for supporting antigay laws in Africa) Larry should also have a name change imposed on him. He should be renamed Larry Clayfeetman given his utter ineptitude at his profession.

  35. 35
    exdrone

    I pity Klayman’s sexual partner. Roleplaying can be fun, but that scenario was way too complicated. By the end, the moment had passed.

  36. 36
    dingojack

    It would easy to spot Mr Klaymation’s partner, they’d be the one going:

    ‘Plastic sheriff’s hat? Check.
    Shiny plastic star-shaped badge marked “sheriff”? Check.
    Pop gun with plastic hip holster also marked “sheriff”/? Check.
    Plastic whistle? Check.
    Plastic handcuffs? Check.

    Wait now… you want me to do what? In front of the Whitehouse??

    :D Dingo

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