Jacobs Can Grow Bones and Eliminate Tumors!


Cindy Jacobs continues to make outlandish and ridiculous claims about her magical power to heal people, with no evidence whatsoever to back them up. Her latest is to claim that she once made a woman grow a new cheek bone and her own tumor that the devil had placed “behind my female organs or whatever.”

But at a prayer meeting, Jacobs said she began to “move out powerfully in faith.”

“I gave this prophecy, ‘You were in a car accident, and it destroyed your right cheekbone, so literally there’s a hollow under your cheek, you have no cheekbone. Where are you?’” she asked people at the meeting. “You see, that even takes faith to ask someone to stand up when you’re ministering like this.”

“And so, this woman stood up, you could see that she had been in a car accident, she had that concave, you know, look to her cheek,” Jacobs continued. “And I said, ‘Reach up and feel it.’ And she did. And as she rubbed her hand over her cheek, when she moved it away, you could see, God had grown the bone right under her hand.”

“Praise the Lord!”

Jacobs said that she was also able to heal herself after God showed her “the root of some things that allowed sickness into me.”

“I once had a grapefruit-sized tumor in my body, and the Holy Spirit showed me the source of that,” the TV prophet recalled. “It had come from a root of unforgiveness and a root of wounding. And, in fact, it was near — or behind my female organs or whatever and the Lord showed me that Satan had wounded me as a woman.”

I’d ask for evidence, but that would be futile.

Comments

  1. raven says

    Cindy Jacobs continues to make outlandish and ridiculous claims about her magical power to heal people, with no evidence whatsoever to back them up.

    And why shouldn’t she?

    There is big money is making outlandish and ridiculous claims about possessing magical superpowers.

    Pat Robertson made a billion USD doing that. Many of these New Apostles and other fakers have made tens and hundreds of millions.

    For any fundies that are reading this. Check your bank balance. Send it all to the conperson of your choice. They guarantee you a prime seat in your next life.

  2. Synfandel says

    It had come from a root of unforgiveness and a root of wounding.

    Can any of you hazard a guess as to what this line meant? I have no religious background at all. Preaching generally sounds to me like complete and utter gibberish, because I’m not familiar with the catch phrases.

  3. Randomfactor says

    “I once had a grapefruit-sized tumor in my body, and the Holy Spirit showed me the source of that,”

    Too much fiber in her diet?

  4. says

    I once had a grapefruit-sized tumor in my body…from a root of unforgiveness and a root of wounding…near — or behind my female organs or whatever…

    Oh, no! Those are the worst kind.

  5. Synfandel says

    Speaking of preaching gibberish, I have noticed that you can sermonify nearly any phrase or sentence by adding “in Christ” to the end. To the best of my knowledge, it adds no denotative meaning to the sentence, but makes a statement religious and therefore both deeply profound and immune to question.

    “We come together in Christ.”
    “If you live your life in Christ…”
    “I’ll have a large double-double in Christ.”

  6. zero6ix says

    And, in fact, it was near — or behind my female organs or whatever and the Lord showed me that Satan had wounded me as a woman.

    It’s the “or whatever” part that really gets me. As insubstantial as her claims of healing, so too is her claim of sickness. Or mayhaps she indeed had such a tumor, and is using the words God, Satan, and Holy Spirit to mean “My doctor”, “my genetics”, and “A CT scan”, respectively.

  7. says

    On my first skim, I missed “grapefruit sized.” I’m not a doctor, but I try to pay attention to Orac. It seems to me a tumor that large would produce plainly visible deformities by displacing the surrounding organs. I’d also think she’d be deathly ill if not simply dead, since it’s probably not healthy to have it putting pressure on everything around it. It gets worse to imagine since, IIRC, large tumors tend to have necrotic centers because they can’t get enough blood supply to sustain the whole tumor. Once that happens, they can rupture, spewing decay all over the place. Going into speculation mode, I’d worry that would potentially cause the cancer to metastasize if there are still some living cancer cells dispersed from the rupture.

  8. Augustus Carp says

    This is excellent news. I hope she makes a start on amputees next… and maybe (I’m sure this will be super-easy) she will be able to remove that pesky 3rd copy of chromosome 21 in long suffering Downs patients.

    Feed the homeless (on spaghetti), cure the sick… she is beginning to sound a bit like like a messiah (oh, while we’re dealing with chromosomes though… are messiahs allowed to have 2 X-chromosomes).

  9. busterggi says

    I can only hope that she is on live feed someday when she finally says, “Shazam” so we can watch the results.

  10. NitricAcid says

    Bronze- it was probably “grape-sized” in her first draft. I would guess that her “root of unforgiveness” was that she had once had sex, and neglected to beg god for forgiveness for that sinful act.

  11. DaveL says

    Her latest is to claim that she once made a woman grow a new cheek bone and her own tumor that the devil had placed “behind my female organs or whatever.”

    Bah! My wife once caused a little girl to grow an entire human skeleton. She even threw in soft tissue and organs. Coincidentally, as I recall her “female organs or whatever” were somehow involved in the process.

  12. laurentweppe says

    I’m not impressed: my osteoprogenitor cells have fixed broken fingers and a metatarsulal bones, and my lymphocytes have so far destroyed every cancerous cell trying to fuck up my organism.

    Sure, eventually, the system will get old and start glitching, but right now, I can regrow bones and destroy tumors in my own body, bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Give Me Your Money you mere mortals whose organisms can do exactly the same thing that mine

  13. says

    I hope she has learned that she should only stuff smaller fruits up her lady-parts.

    The Olive Garden is now advertising the “Never-ending Pasta Bowl”. I bet they stole Cindy’s recipe.

  14. Ex Patriot says

    The sad part of this is that people give this fakir money that would be better spent getting real medical help for what ever condition they have. I would imagine that some have not survived her her so called healing for lack of real help.

  15. tbp1 says

    @21: Absolutely. I don’t doubt for a minute that people have died because some faith healer convinced them they were healed and could stop taking their insulin, cancel that surgery, whatever.

    Not to mention that many of,the people sending them money need it for, you know, little luxuries like rent and food, as well as legit medical treatment.

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