Watch Your Back, David Barton


Uh oh. David Barton better have his head on a swivel because someone is looking to take over his territory — and it’s Rush Limbaugh. Rush has a new book coming out called — seriously, get this — Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims. And it’s a children’s book. And he got the idea when his wife apparently tried to burn their house down. Explaining why he’s refused to write a new book until now, he said:

He explained that he’d fended off all such entreaties, even when they came from the late author Vince Flynn, who’d pushed Limbaugh to put out a collection of his monologues.

“But I’ve been there and done that,” Limbaugh said. “I’ve done the conservative manifestos and other people have, too.

“Then out of the blue, my wife Katherine in conjunction with Vince’s entreaty, came up with an idea that literally lit a fire. She said to me, ‘You’re always talking about how history is being mistaught, about how kids these days aren’t learning about the greatness of America … why don’t you write a book for kids that sets the record straight about American history?’”

“And that,” Limbaugh said, “is what has happened.”

Yes, the idea was so powerful that it literally started a fire. Thankfully, no one was injured in the blaze.

The book tells the story of the radio host’s alter ego, a middle-school history teacher named Rush Revere, who travels back in time and experiences American history as it happens, in adventures with exceptional Americans. In this book, he is transported back in time, with his talking horse “Liberty,” to the deck of the Mayflower.

You can imagine just how oversimplified and dishonest this book is going to be. It will undoubtedly be from the “golly gee” school of history, full of wildly embellished stories of how everything was guided by God and everyone is brave and noble and incorruptible.

Comments

  1. Doug Little says

    Rush Revere and the Brave Pilgrims

    Sounds like a crappy lounge band. Frilly shirts and velvet bow ties as far as the eye can see.

  2. says

    The book tells the story of the radio host’s alter ego, a middle-school history teacher named Rush Revere, who travels back in time and experiences American history as it happens, in adventures with exceptional Americans.

    Wow…I mean, I’m sure we all have infantile fantasies of going back in time and bing part of this or that Great Moment in History — but the fact that Rushbo can publish his fantasies in a book without a trace of shame, really says a lot about the company he keeps. What’s his next book going to be — his teenage sexual fantasies? Surely the mind wobbles.

  3. says

    I wonder if Rush Revere and his pupils will meet Roger Williams, the Puritan founder of Rhode Island who was completely into the idea of freedom of conscience, and completely against religious government? Nah….probably not.

  4. brianwestley says

    I’d literally read it just to literally see how many times he literally misuses “literally”.

  5. davidmc says

    Chapter 1, Rush and his talking horse land on the Mayflower.
    Chapter 2 , Rush and his talking horse and the Mayflower land on land.
    Chapter 3, Rush and his talking horse are burned as witches , The End.

  6. daved says

    Chapter 3, Rush and his talking horse are burned as witches , The End.

    Since we’re going for historical accuracy here, please note that there were no witch burnings in the Colonies. Hangings, yes.

    how everything was guided by God and everyone is brave and noble and incorruptible.

    Except for the liberals.

  7. says

    Does it really start out on the Mayflower? I thought The United States wasn’t launched until 150 or so years later. Or is he implying that American history began when “real” people from Europe moved in. (Eye roll)

    Also, which end of the horse talks?

  8. Abby Normal says

    In this book, he is transported back in time, with his talking horse “Liberty,” to the deck of the Mayflower.

    Where they were promptly denounced as demons by the shocked and fearful passengers, who promptly tossed Rush overboard. “And the horse you rode in on,” they cried, tossing Liberty in after him. And they all lived happily for the rest of their days, which for most was only a few months before succumbing to scurvy, pneumonia or tuberculosis. The end.

  9. davidmc says

    Chapter 1, Rush and his talking horse land on the Mayflower.
    Chapter 2 , Rush and his talking horse and the Mayflower land on land.
    Chapter 3, Rush and his talking horse are hanged as witches , the branch snaps under the horse, leaving Rush twitching and the horse gallops off and lives happily ever after relieved at not having a second arse half way up its back.

  10. raven says

    I’m having a hard time imagining that any parent would let Rush Limbaugh near their kids. Even if it is just a child’s story book of his.

    He is just so sleazy. Former narcotics addict, probable child sex tourist, divorced two or three times, misogynist, babbling idiot and hater.

    Even his advertisers have gotten sick of him. He’s had a hard time selling ad space and one of the radio networks that carry him, wasn’t too enthusiastic about renewing his contract.

  11. says

    raven “He is just so sleazy. Former narcotics addict, probable child sex tourist, divorced two or three times, misogynist, babbling idiot and hater.”
    The word you’re looking for is “Patriot”.

  12. raven says

    MO:

    He is just so sleazy. Former narcotics addict, probable child sex tourist, divorced two or three times, misogynist, babbling idiot and hater.”
    The word you’re looking for is “Patriot”.

    That should be “xian Patriot”.

  13. daved says

    I’ve heard about Rush being a sex tourist, but child sex tourist is a new one on me. What’s the evidence. Rush is vile enough on his known transgressions, and he’d certainly smear anyone else, but I hate to sink to his level unless there is evidence.

  14. John Pieret says

    I can hear the tiny screams of dying neurons just from having read the description of the book.

    namowal @12:

    Also, which end of the horse talks?

    The same one Rush talks out of, of course!

  15. raven says

    I’ve heard about Rush being a sex tourist, but child sex tourist is a new one on me. What’s the evidence.

    Limbaugh was arrested for a bottle of viagra coming back from the Dominican Republic.

    The Dominican Republic is a known and notorious child sex tourism destination. Source: Wikipedia and Google.

    It isn’t for sure which is why the word “probable” is in there. He also does seem to have a thing for younger women. And he is…Rush Limbaugh.

  16. eric says

    I wonder if Rush Revere and his pupils will meet Roger Williams

    Or William Penn. Or Thomas Jefferson. Or Thomas Paine. Etc…

    Well, I guess there are two possible answers to that:
    1. I really hope not, because Rush will no doubt misrepresent them. Along with the Native Americans.
    2. Doubtful that anyone not conforming to his worldview will get a mention (except as evil foils).

  17. says

    @davidc 14: daved, you ever tried hanging a horse?

    Well, I’d heard they came pretty well-hung to start with, don’t they? Or is that a myth?

  18. daved says

    The Dominican Republic is a known and notorious child sex tourism destination. Source: Wikipedia and Google.

    According to the Wikipedia article I read, the Dominican Republic is indeed a known sex tourism destination, but not for child sex.

    Jesus, I can’t believe I’m defending a jerk like Limbaugh, but I don’t think you’ve come close to making your case.

  19. says

    daved’s right. Even without the kiddie diddling it’s bad enough that Rush crossed national borders with a prescription for Viagra (that was in somebody else’s name). I mean, you’d think a True Patriot® have his sex vacation in the USA. I assume he had to leave the America to get away from Obamacare*.

    * Yes, he knew it was coming.

  20. Doug Little says

    What’s his next book going to be — his teenage sexual fantasies?

    Well he has a hangup with 23 year olds!

  21. raven says

    According to the Wikipedia article I read, the Dominican Republic is indeed a known sex tourism destination, but not for child sex.

    ????

    wikipedia Child Sex Tourism:

    Dominican Republic: Some reports say that child sex tourism is a current problem, particularly in coastal resort areas, with child sex tourist arriving year-round from various countries.[30] It is also reported that the current legislation has inconsistencies and gaps which could obstruct the interpretation and application of the legislation.[31

    OK, you win. LImbaugh was just a weird old man running around the Dominican Republic with an illegal bottle of Viagra for….research. Yeah, that will work, researching something or other.

  22. bushrat says

    Also, which end of the horse talks?

    It would have to be the head, otherwise there would be 2 talking horses asses in the story.

  23. sezme says

    This is too good to be true:

    The new book “doesn’t have an agenda,” Limbaugh insisted.

    Yeah, and Mr. Ed was really a talking horse.

  24. caseloweraz says

    Limbaugh: “Then out of the blue, my wife Katherine in conjunction with Vince’s entreaty, came up with an idea that literally lit a fire.”

    So Limbaugh’s wife Katherine is actually Carrie?

    Ed: “It will undoubtedly be from the “golly gee” school of history, full of wildly embellished stories of how everything was guided by God and everyone is brave and noble and incorruptible.”

    And white. (Except perhaps for Crispus Attucks.)

  25. caseloweraz says

    According to Amazon, the book (due in October) has 224 pages.

    What kind of children’s book has 224 pages? I think it’s really a Y/A book.

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