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Aug 22 2013

Matt Barber Thinks We Care

Matt Barber has a column that warms my little black heart to read. He knows that he and his fellow bigots are losing the fight over marriage equality, so he stamps his feet and puffs out his chest and screams “You will never vanquish us!” I half expected him to yell “I am Spartacus!”

Brad, Rachel, Laurel and the rest of you left-wing bullies need to get this straight (so to speak): The godless left has been trying to “rehabilitate” Christians for over 2,000 years. We haven’t caved yet. What makes you think we will now? Those of us who wish to remain obedient to God will not—indeed, cannot—accommodate you and play along with your sin-centric “gay marriage” delusion.

Ain’t gonna happen.

Ever.

Look, you have every right to dress up in two wedding gowns or two tuxedos, get pretend “married” and play house to your hearts’ content. You do not have the right, however, to force others to abandon their sincerely held religious beliefs, thousands of years of history and the immutable reality of human biology to engage your little fantasy. No amount of hand-wringing, gnashing of teeth, suing Christians or filing charges against those of us who live in marriage reality will make us recognize your silly so-called “marriage equality.”

*snicker* Matt, Matt, Matt…what makes you think we give a damn whether you recognize those marriages as valid? We only care that the government recognize them and treat them equally. You can stick your fingers in the air and scream “Is not, is not, is not” at the top of your lungs as much as you want and no one will care in the slightest. And frankly, that’s the only thing you’re going to be able to do. You lost. It’s all over but the shouting. And the shouting coming from you is both highly amusing and highly gratifying. I bathe in your tears.

27 comments

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  1. 1
    John Pieret

    you have every right to dress up in two wedding gowns or two tuxedos, get pretend “married” and play house to your hearts’ content

    Almost there, Matt. As long as you recognize that they have that right under the law, that’s the important part. After that you can sulk all you want.

  2. 2
    Doug Little

    The godless left has been trying to “rehabilitate” Christians for over 2,000 years. We haven’t caved yet. What makes you think we will now?

    Really? the godless left have been around for 2000 years. It’s not that you will cave it’s just that you will eventually be crushed under mountains of factual information that is easily and freely available and which contradicts your archaic POV.

  3. 3
    doublereed

    I bathe in your tears.

    In case anyone ever asks how Ed can continually post about these crazy people saying horrible things, here is your answer. Ed just can’t get enough.

    :D

  4. 4
    Synfandel

    I bathe in your tears.

    Good. Now crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women.

  5. 5
    unbound

    Oooh…I sense more of that Christian love I keep hearing about…

  6. 6
    hrafn

    The godless left has been trying to “rehabilitate” Christians for over 2,000 years. We haven’t caved yet.

    So he’s claiming that there’s been no change in morality in the last 2000 years? Slavery? Women’s rights? Miscegenation? Etc, etc.

  7. 7
    Larry

    Ain’t gonna happen.

    Ever.

    Gee, Matt, I think you’ve got us confused with others who give a shit what you think.

  8. 8
    exdrone

    You do not have the right, however, to force others to abandon their sincerely held religious beliefs

    A common misconception of the fundies is that, when you are advocating for equal rights or preventing them from imposing their restrictions on others, you are somehow imposing beliefs or restrictions on them. Levelling the playing field does not mean that your end of the field is now below grade.

  9. 9
    Randomfactor

    We haven’t caved yet.

    “Come back here and take what’s coming to you…. I’ll bite your legs off!”

  10. 10
    janiceintoronto

    Oh Ed! You’re going to hurt that poor mans feelings.

  11. 11
    Jacob Schmidt

    Matt, Matt, Matt…what makes you think we give a damn whether you recognize those marriages as valid?

    The gay children of these bigots? The gay nieces and nephews? The gay students attending school under the administration of these bigots? The gay kids being harrassed and bullied from other kids who learn their cues from these bigots? I see plenty of reason to worry about these attitudes.

  12. 12
    otrame

    Random Factor stole my Python quote so I am left with:

    Matty, honey, I’ve got your back.

    You do not have the right, however, to force others to abandon their sincerely held religious beliefs

    You are absolutely right and I will defend your right to believe what ever you damned well please… as long as you are not breaking any laws and don’t “believe” that you get to impose your religious beliefs on others.

    BTW, that “immutable reality of human biology” doesn’t mean what you think it means. Just so you can’t say nobody told you.

  13. 13
    Sastra

    You do not have the right, however, to force others to abandon their sincerely held religious beliefs

    Isn’t the belief that only God can sanctify a marriage also one of your ‘sincerely held religious beliefs? That those marriages which do not mention, acknowledge, or involve a commitment/covenant with God are but pale shells of true marriage, empty imitations of the real thing?

    Thought so.

    Looks like the world had already “forced you to abandon” your beliefs already. Neener neener.

  14. 14
    busterggi

    “The godless left has been trying to “rehabilitate” Christians for over 2,000 years. ”

    Really? The push for equal rights for gays started after I finished college, I know I graduated a long time ago but I didn’t know it was that long ago.

  15. 15
    marcus

    All right, all right! Strike Matt Barber’s name off the list of “those who will be forced to be gay-married”. Now please stop whining about it! Jebus.

  16. 16
    scienceavenger

    Brad, Rachel, Laurel and the rest of you left-wing bullies…

    Bullies…you keep using that word…

  17. 17
    RickR

    Guy is really getting his persecutionwank™ on. Shouting it from the rooftops.

    At least when I get my gay sexy fun time on, I have the decency to do it in private.

  18. 18
    eric

    The godless left has been trying to “rehabilitate” Christians for over 2,000 years.

    OVER 2,000 years? So, before AD 13? The Christian community had not even reached the population of 12 disciples at that point. It would be reasonably fair to say there were zero Christians back then, Christ being Jewish and all.

    You do not have the right, however, to force others to abandon their sincerely held religious beliefs

    Right back at ya, Matt.

    Ironic, though, that the first and second commandments consist of God doing what Matt says no one has the right to do.

  19. 19
    Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist FuckToy of Death & Her Handmaiden

    In response to the main post – this is why I distinguish between homophobia (Barber’s panicked and injured feelings whenever he encounters the existence of queer folk) and heterosexism (Barber’s work to actually oppress queer folk and make being straight not merely common but a norm deviation from which carries negative consequences).

    If Barber feels compelled to hide in the corner and hold his tukhus with both hands when reminded of the existence of queer folk, well, I’m sorry for him and I’d like to live in a world where that doesn’t happen to people, but it’s not an issue of justice that I feel compelled to fix just like I don’t want people to be terrified of clowns but there’s no issue of clown oppression that needs to be addressed. It’s his deal. I hope he has someone supportive to confide in.

    Heterosexism – demands remediation.
    Homophobia – one among many reasons why we need a strong mental health system, but otherwise a personal thing. If you want your homophobia, you can keep it.

    @busterggi
    No, I think it’s fair to say the rehabilitation effort has been going on for 1900 years. Early Christians were counted among anti-Roman zealots and there was a great effort to get them to pay a reasonable amount of respect to other’s freedom of religion. Freedom of religion was conceptualized differently then, of course, and the harassment of others by Early Christians probably was exceeded by others’ unjust harassment of ECs.* But then Constantine, and the dream of the Sun and victory in battle, and Bam! ECs harassment of others pretty quickly tops others’ harassment of them. Efforts at reforms have been going on since then. Martin Luther is both an example of the reforms desperately needed (e.g. some of the most virulent anti-semitism you can find in Christian theology) that have been the work of the last 150 years, but also an early example of the reform work being done from the early 1500s to the late 1600s.

    In there was reforming Christian bigotry’s power to control affairs of state to the extent of controlling who was married to whom.

    That’s right. That’s a 16th & 17th century issue, my friend. The Quakers in particular were denied legal recognition of marriages performed in their faith.

    No, the reform effort has been going on for a long, long time. I’m not sure what the issues were from the death of Justinian I to, say, 1150 or so, but yeah, it’s been going on.

    Odd to hear Barber complain about that, though, since it’s been reform efforts along the way that made protestantism possible. Unless he’s reading books from the bible in Greek – but without any commitment to any specific books as cannon or not, and recognizing the existence or at least possibility of quite a number of gospels more than 4 – and vacillates on Gnosticism, he’s embracing quite a number of those reforms.

    “They’ve been fighting against the original, true church since it started!”
    “So you practice Christianity as it existed in the first century, with no cannon, reading in greek and, occasionally, aramaic, giving the words of the Gospels of Thomas and Judas equal weight, and the various Lukes (one soon to be the Marcion Luke, one to eventually be the canonical Luke) being equally authoritative to you?”
    “Of course not, I believe in the bible, as divinely translated into modern English, but with the bit about the sacrifice of Jesus negating the Levitican purity codes not applying to the nasty bits about those queers.”
    “But you burn witches?”
    “No, of course not.”
    “You torture Jews to force conversions?”
    “No, of course not.”
    “So you’re against the reforms that keep you from being killed as a heretic why, exactly?”

    *I keep reading that “Emergency Contraception” so I’m having a hard time using it, but I’m trying to let it go in this context.

  20. 20
    fifthdentist

    “The godless left has been trying to ‘rehabilitate’ Christians for over 2,000 years.”•

    * The 2,000-year period does not count the 1,500 or so years that Christians were the ones “rehabilitating” the godless left by burning them to death or torturing them to death or stabbing them to death or stoning them to death or drowning them to death or …

  21. 21
    caseloweraz

    No fair, CD (#19)! You’re using facts, history and logic on him!

    /sarcasm

  22. 22
    Lofty

    The “sincerely held religious beliefs” are the ones that claim they are living in a nation 1. chosen for them by their christian god, 2. founded by properly pious christians 3. governed according to the christian version of sharia law, and 4. defended from infidels by devout christian soldiers. Those are the “sincerely held religious beliefs” that legalising gay marriage is taking away. How dare you? Christian bigotry will be defended until the last sad trombone call.

  23. 23
    dingojack

    No Ed don’t let Matt Staver be Sparticus! You know what what M. Licinius Crassus did to him,.(Matty would enjoy it too much0.
    Dingo

  24. 24
    anandine

    I always find it interesting that they want the government to declare who can and cannot participate in what they see as a solely religious ceremony. Should the government also decide who can be ordained or baptized?

  25. 25
    drizzt

    Crip Dyke @19, you know you can’t use facts on Matt, he’s got Christadamantium armor, it’s acts like teflon, facts and truth just slide by him.

  26. 26
    francesc

    “the immutable reality of human biology”
    So Matt here is intolerant to lactose and he will stick to it whatever you say. Good to know. You Matt can be as lactose intolerant as you want to, as far as you don’t forbid other people from drinking milk and you don’t discriminate against those aberrations of nature who can eat icecream.

  27. 27
    Pierce R. Butler

    The godless left has been trying to “rehabilitate” Christians for over 2,000 years.

    Say huh? Even by bibliteralist measure, “Christians” did not exist in the year 12 CE or earlier. The only way this could be twisted into a pretense of accuracy is to count as attempted rehab the scolding given by Joe & Mary after 12-y-o Jesus snuck off to make a nuisance of himself in the Temple (per Luke).

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