Rios: God is Gonna Get Us

Sandy Rios of the American Family Association cares about us so much that she’s warning us. If we don’t change our wicked ways, she says, God is going to “even the score” for our outrageous advocacy of freedom and equality for people she disapproves of.

I would not want to be in the shoes of any of the left right now. I would not want to be in Barack Obama’s shoes. I would not want to be in the shoes of homosexual activists. I say that with humility and with fear for them because God will even the score, he will sort things out, he will be God and he will not be mocked. Whereas they think they are getting away with breaking all kinds of moral laws and mocking everyone in the process, they just don’t know God, they don’t know who they are up against and we do. And that should bring out some mercy in us because I wouldn’t want to be—what did that old evangelist say: ‘it’s a fearful thing to fall into the hands of an angry God.’

I’m scared. Are you scared? I’m gonna call up Cthulhu immediately. My god can beat up her god. Do they actually think this kind of threat means anything to people who don’t believe in their imaginary friend?

35 comments on this post.
  1. unbound:

    Cthulhu vs God? Can’t be as good as Santa Claus vs Jesus –

  2. Chiroptera:

    … because God will even the score, he will sort things out…

    …by sending more drought and tornados into conservative red states.

  3. typecaster:

    Problem is, they really don’t think any of us mean it when we tell them. We don’t disbelieve, that’s just unpossible, we’re really just mad at God / hedonists / devoted to immorality, or some damn thing. I’ve had that discussion on more than a few occasions.

  4. tubi:

    Sandy Rios: “Oogedy boogedy…God’s gonna gitya!”
    Me: “Bring it on, G-man!”
    God: “Crickets…tumbleweeds………..”

    Me: “That’s what I thought.”

  5. Jay Hoskins:

    By her use of the term “even the score” she admits that her side is losing. Behold the frantic gasps of the bigot finding themselves out of touch.

  6. John Pieret:

    My favorite bit of recent wingnuttia is from Linda Harvey, who apparently got ahold of a copy of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and thought it was a documentary:

    Linda Harvey of Mission America explained today that gays and lesbians are attracted to people of the same-sex because they are empty inside and seek to “absorb” the personalities of others. “Those who have left homosexuality,” Harvey said, talk about how “they’ve once felt empty” and as a result want “to absorb the personality and identity of another person, even someone of the same sex because the vacant feeling inside is so great.” “When others seem to have meaning and purpose, the feelings of self-pity can be overwhelming,” she continued.

    Just imagine what a state she’ll be in if she ever sees Aliens.

    [ You can find it at Right Wing Watch but Ed's place hasn't been letting me post links lately.]

  7. exdrone:

    the shoes of any of the left right now

    That was oddly written, but she was fixated on her own shoes, which she needs to label “Left” and “Right”.

  8. Kevin:

    Of course, god’s way of “getting us” is to send bad weather to states that do not allow marriage equality.

    Funny how that works.

  9. Doug Little:

    Yes God is going to even the score by lowering the living standards further in God fearing bible belt states. Wait, What? Whose side is this God character on anyway?

    “That’s a lovely state ya’ got there liberals be a shame if something happened to Alabama if ya’ don’t get wit da program, capache” /gangster.

  10. Moggie:

    I would not want to be in the shoes of homosexual activists.

    I would! Many of them have really nice shoes!

    I say that with humility

    No, you don’t.

  11. busterggi:

    Abrahamic religiosi have claimed their god is coming to get us any minute for about three thousand years. Their god must have an awfully fat ass if he hasn’t been able to get up in all that time.

  12. Doug Little:

    busterggi @11.

    When you say that this piece by Jim Jefferies comes to mind.

  13. freemage:

    Hell, her rantings won’t even convince liberal Christians, who tend to figure that a just God would be able to discern actions taken in ‘good faith’ (double meaning very applicable here). So why would the people who don’t even believe in the celestial teapot care about whether it’s Oolong or Earl Gray?

  14. Alverant:

    “God will even the score, he will sort things out,”
    Before or after he’s done not helping the starving children in Africa?

  15. Larry:

    Nah. god is too busy helping various sports teams win their games. smiting takes a backseat to that.

  16. caseloweraz:

    Almost completely OT: Evil Ways, by Santana.

  17. anubisprime:

    caseloweraz @ 16

    I see your Santana and raise you Johnny Cash

  18. whheydt:

    Re: Busterggi @ #11:

    The thing is…God has to span the universe, so even if God’s brain is a very small part of that, it’s still many light-years across. Since signals are limited to light speed, God has very, very slow reactions…since it take *years* for a thought to cross from one side of his brain to the other, and then more years actually *do* anything.

    Therefore, it is no surprise at all that God doesn’t respond in “real time” to what the Christians want. Indeed, God may not have figured out yet that Christians even exist, let alone what they want and what to do about it. And since everything moves around, God having bad aim isn’t any surprise, either. It’s possible that Alabama may be getting clobbered for something someone did to the Israelites 3 or 4 thousand years ago.

  19. timgueguen:

    “Okay, I finally got done helping out the faithful on Perzarbex 6. So, I hear there’s this guy calling himself Alexander the Great who needs smiting.”

    “Ummm, God, sir, Alexander died 2300 some years ago.”

    “Dammit! How am I supposed to smite sinners if they go off and die on me?”

  20. jnorris:

    Ms Rios, please help us out here. First, since your god told you he was gunnin’ for us, exactly when is he coming? Second, which god are we talking about here? Please give an exact description and a thorough summary of its theology. Thank you.

  21. jnorris:

    “God will even the score,
    he will sort things out,”
    Gonna find out who’s naughty and nice,
    Santa God is coming to town.

  22. Michael Heath:

    One would have to be evil to celebrate the god Sandy Rios imagines. In her defense, her rhetoric is an accurate depiction of the biblical god. That doesn’t make her behavior any less evil, just easier to explain.

  23. freehand:

    typecaster Problem is, they really don’t think any of us mean it when we tell them. We don’t disbelieve, that’s just unpossible, we’re really just mad at God / hedonists / devoted to immorality, or some damn thing. I’ve had that discussion on more than a few occasions.

    Quite true. They are incapable of putting themselves in another’s shoes. If, say, they imagined what they would be like if they had been born in Teheran instead of Joplin, MO, they might wonder whether they have the right religion after all. Can’t have that, so they are taught all their lives to squelch that sort of curiosity. So… they can only imagine (and not well at that) why they would act as they see other folks acting. They especially cannot, especially will not, consider the possibility that people can live without gods and be perfectly sane and happy.

    The only true atheists allowed in their world are Jack Chick atheists – unshaven, drunken, crude, unhappy, and probably educated. Undesirable in every way.

  24. mobius:

    Oh my. Her big invisible buddy is gonna get us if we don’t do what she wants. I’m shakin’ in my boots.

  25. Crudely Wrott:

    I say that with humility and with fear for them because God will even the score, he will sort things out, he will be God and he will not be mocked.

    On closer observation and with the advantage of on the job experience (read: “I came that close, man! Yeah, they almost had me back in ’74.”), I edit thusly:

    I say that with conceit and with gloating assurance for them because God will even the score, [Not me!], he will sort things out [and I'll just stand over here and incite the rabble], he (read: “me and him. (He knows what I hate.)”) will be God and he will not be mocked.

    [At this point it is useful to imagine the speaker sticking out their tongue, putting their thumbs in their ears and wiggling their fingers while making a sing song sound. The flounce is almost stuck, depending on audience demographics.]

  26. dingojack:

    whheydt (#18) – Further to you post [warning extremely OT]….

    If Turing Principle is true (once a system gets beyond a certain level of complexity the model exceeds the size of the system being modelled) then god’s brain must exceed the size of the universe. The universe is 13.55 billion lightyears in radius or some 2.5638031964 x 10^23 Km in diameter.

    If man is made in god’s image it is reasonable to assume that god’s proportions are similar to man’s. Therefore god would be about 3.3876684893 x 10^24 Km in length, and about 5.3769662351 x 10^83 Kg in mass.

    Taking the ‘mouse-to-elephant’ curve (Kleiber’s law) for mass verses lifespan then god would have a life span of about 1.6985971016 x 10^63 years. Therefore given a typical reaction time in humans of about 100ms, god’s reaction time should be, proportionally, about 7.5811892383 x 10^52 years.

    Just thought your might like to know ;)


  27. dingojack:

    A Planck Time would be, proportionally to god, 1295 years, 51 days, 12 hours, 24 minutes and 1.72 seconds (approximately)*.
    200,000 years, would barely register, let alone 2000!
    * we have measured time down to about 12 attoseconds or about 3.7 x 10^28 Planck Times (at god scale about 4.792 x 10^31 years).

  28. raven:

    Isn’t Sandy Rios a xian terrorist?

    She is making a threat that her imaginary friend is going to destroy us. God is a weapon of mass destruction, supposedly the Ultimate Weapon.

    While she is a terrorist wannabe, I doubt the FBI or DHS will be investigating her. The threat is real but still not very credible. Which says a lot about her imaginary friend, god.

  29. democommie:


    Yeah, but are they FABULOUS boots?

  30. lordshipmayhem:

    I wouldn’t want to be in her shoes, either. I somehow doubt if we wear the same size.

  31. Quodlibet:

    he will be God and he will not be mocked

    I dunno, I think we do a pretty good job of mocking god(s) around here.

  32. Who Cares:

    @DingoJack: You got something wrong.
    The visible universe has a radius of about 13.8 billion years.
    The lower boundary for the size of the universe is a radius of 46.5 billion years. Upper boundary is infinite.

  33. Doug Little:

    Who cares,

    The universe is 13.8 Gly old. Which means that the visible universe is 46 Gly in radius due to the expansion of the universe over that time. /pedant_off

    Also as of yet there still has not been any spacial curvature detected so if it is spherical then beyond the visible part it is a very, very big place indeed.

  34. Doug Little:

    Sorry even I fucked that up. That should have read

    The universe is 13.8 Gyr old.

  35. Who Cares:

    Don’t worry about being pedantic. Couldn’t find the website where that was discussed and, as you’ve shown, I remembered it wrong. Rather be called out on being wrong then be wrong again about it.

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