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Wiles: Putin Will Send Gay Spies to America

Rick Wiles of TruNews has an amusingly idiotic fantasy that Russian President Vladimir Putin is going to send spies to the United States by having them pretend to be gay so they can be granted asylum. Uh, Rick…why would he need to? People emigrate from Russia to the United States every year. Getting asylum would do nothing more for a prospective spy than emigrating the usual way would do.

“If Mr. Putin wanted to get spies into this country, all he has to do is send them here and tell them to say that they are gay and they’re fleeing homophobia in Russia. They’re going to be granted immediate asylum.”

Comments

  1. says

    I would think that being granted asylum would be a disadvantage for a spy, since that would probably bring more attention to them than regular immigration.

  2. John Pieret says

    But, but … I thought Putin was their new bestest friend! Now he’s going to be sending pseudogays to spy on us (rather than the usually embassy, consulate, and trade delegation personnel, not to mention tourist and business visa holders) and do bad things to us? I thought he was the new champion of Famly Values!

  3. Al Dente says

    Ever since immigration quotas were removed in 1965, any Russian can apply to immigrate to the US. All that’s needed is a sponsor, which according to the State Department’s website is:

    a U.S. citizen relative(s), U.S. lawful permanent resident, or a prospective employer

    There’s a background check but any respectable spy’s handlers should be able to provide the right data or else they should turn in their cloaks and daggers.

  4. Christoph Burschka says

    People emigrate from Russia to the United States every year. Getting asylum would do nothing more for a prospective spy than emigrating the usual way would do.

    He may not be aware that the Iron Curtain has opened. It’s only been a few decades.

  5. says

    When has anyone from the White House or Congress said anything about granting asylum to Russian gays? Don’t get me wrong, I would support this idea if they did. No one should have to live under Putin’s oppressive new laws. But I haven’t heard word one about giving Russian homosexuals refugee status.

    And Bronze Dog has a good point. Even if we started taking in gay refugees from Russia, how would that make a spy’s job any easier? It seems like all that added attention would make it more difficult to spy. Wouldn’t it be easier to come in as part of a group of nondescript green card holders?

  6. says

    Al Dente “Ever since immigration quotas were removed in 1965, any Russian can apply to immigrate to the US. All that’s needed is a sponsor…”
    You know Obama’s gonna be their sponsor. Because he’s working for the Russians. To spy on himself. For Kenya.

  7. says

    Wes “And Bronze Dog has a good point. Even if we started taking in gay refugees from Russia, how would that make a spy’s job any easier? It seems like all that added attention would make it more difficult to spy.”
    It’s made easier by being out in the open. Plus, gay spies can go anywhere (thanks a lot, DADT repealers!). They can ride their floats right up in to the Pentagon! And, if anyone gets suspicious, GaySpies can call it a “hate crime”, or vanish in a cloud of glitter.

  8. exdrone says

    Putin is going to send spies to the United States by having them pretend to be gay

    Of course, the agents’ supervisors will need to be careful how to task them or be subject to arrest for homosexual propagandizing. “Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to travel to the US and adopt an alternate lifestyle that leads to a non-traditional union. Should you or your partner be interviewed by the media, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your immoral actions.”

  9. otrame says

    So here it is, almost noon on a Sunday, and I am sitting here at the computer, eating a bean and cheese taco, and reading

    They can ride their floats right up in to the Pentagon!

    Life is good.

  10. anubisprime says

    Devilish plot is that…bound to work what can possibly go wrong?…apart from some dingbat howling utter bollix, but who would bother listening to a fucking idiot like that…oh yeah …other fucking idiots …Wot in america?

    oh well back to the drawing board…

  11. dan4 says

    @11″…Wot in america?”

    Huh? Sorry, but my anubisprime-to-English translation book is still on order from Amazon.

  12. tiberiusbeauregard says

    Wait.. isn’t that exactly what North Korea HAS actually done ?
    ^
    I mean sending spies to the South Korea, seeking asylum by claiming to have fled NK because of its dictatorship?

  13. anubisprime says

    122 dan4

    Huh? Sorry, but my anubisprime-to-English translation book is still on order from Amazon

    Scroll on by Sherlock!…just scroll on…not difficult, if you really try you can do it.

    I know long three letter words are a challenge in the vernacular, but I am sure your pluckiness will cope…one day!

    How is care in the community… working out for you…or not so much?

  14. ambulocetacean says

    This is a great idea! Then all the pretend-gay Russian spies can compromise all the American spies by having homogay buttsecks with them. And then adopt homogay anchor spy babies that can never be deported because they’re homogay American-citizen spy babies. Genius.

  15. anubisprime says

    dan4 @ 19

    “Wot” isn’t a three-letter word. It’s not a word at all.

    And you are not very bright…but what ‘ya gonna’ do hotshot?

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