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Aug 18 2013

The Great Cross Alliance

Someone emailed me a link to an article about the Great Cross Alliance, a group that is seeking to build a massive structure in the Nevada desert that will hold the remains of dead Christians, with the whole thing in the shape of a cross. A really, really big cross — 3000 feet long, 2000 feet wide and 200 feet tall.

The Great Cross Alliance is dedicated to constructing the largest, longest-lasting Christian monument in the world. It will be built of columbarium and mausoleum vaults that are available for purchase for you and your family. The Great Cross will be supported by a world-wide community who choose to become part of this beautiful vision dedicated to Jesus Christ…

IMPORTANT INFORMATION: The project must reach a critical level of funding before construction can begin. This level is set at the sale of 400 spaces. If this level is not reached by April 1, 2014 the project will be cancelled. If this happens, all spaces purchased and all donations of over $100 will be refunded. If the 400 space mark is reached, purchasers will be notified of the date that remains can be accepted.

Oh come on, you’re in Nevada. Just put a casino in it. You can have the dealers dressed in robes and sandals like Jesus and the disciples, or like priests and nuns. You’ll have all the funding you need in no time.

39 comments

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  1. 1
    Ellie

    Sounds like a great scam to me. All donations over $100 will be returned…all donations under $100…

  2. 2
    felix

    Not to mention donations of exactly $100.00 …

  3. 3
    John Pieret

    Hey, folks! You, too, can be buried in something that looks like a stack of cargo containers far from your family and friends! Hurry! They’re going fast!

  4. 4
    Gregory in Seattle

    Your comment about a casino got me thinking about this song by John Denver.

  5. 5
    Abdul Alhazred

    Uh oh.

    Looks like they are trying to beat Effingham Illinois for the honor of having the world’s largest cross.

    http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/10913

    Not only will it be bigger than “the Cross of the Crossroads”, it will have corpses in it which will make it even more … uhhh … something or other.

  6. 6
    jnorris

    A casino / mausoleum: where zombies come to party!

  7. 7
    Trebuchet

    Not only will it be bigger than “the Cross of the Crossroads”, it will have corpses in it which will make it even more … uhhh … something or other.

    Crossier?

  8. 8
    Larry

    If they promise to throw in certain live christians, hell, I might kick in a few bucks.

  9. 9
    raven

    This has affinity group scam written all over it.

  10. 10
    Barefoot Bree

    Can’t even find out where the thing is going to be. “East of Reno in northern Nevada, United States.” There’s even a handy-dandy map – three of them! Beginning with a world map, with a giant arrow pointing to the US. Then a US map, with a giant arrow pointing to Nevada. This is all for international donors, of course – everybody in the world is as geographically-declined as USonians are. The last map, of Nevada, only contains outlines of its gigantic counties, with Pershing County in red, and yet another giant arrow pointing towards somewhere vaguely in the southwest corner of it. That’s as precise as it gets.

    I’m wondering how far their land and permit acquisition has proceeded? Is a precise spot even chosen yet?

    Plus, I had to snort at this description: “columbarium and mausoleum vaults”. OK, a perusal of the dictionary translates that to “places for either bodies or ashes”, but having never seen the first word before, I immediately thought of adamantium – or was it mithril?

  11. 11
    Barefoot Bree

    (And actually, Pershing County is at best NORTH east of Reno, but who’s counting?)

  12. 12
    Drew

    Anyone else notice that the funding cutoff date is on April Fools Day?

  13. 13
    RickR

    The power of preyer.

  14. 14
    caseloweraz

    It will be built of columbarium and mausoleum vaults…

    You know you’re a science geek when you read that and wonder, “Did they mean columbium (now niobium) or barium? And why use either of those elements?”

    Yep — I’m a science geek.

    So I looked it up. A columbarium is a construction with spaces for funereal urns.

  15. 15
    mx89

    Avast! warned me there was some sort of malware infesting the site when I clicked on it. Just an FYI to everyone.

  16. 16
    exdrone

    Barefoot Bree @10: “Can’t even find out where the thing is going to be”
    Do a Google map search for Area 3:16.

  17. 17
    exdrone

    I think we should start the rumour that the ACLU is going to take legal action to force the Alliance to allow atheists, homosexuals and communists to be buried in it.

  18. 18
    otrame

    As a person who lives in a hot part of the country, I positively shuddered at the image of those people in the middle on the benches.

    Nevada desert. Surrounded by concrete. Nice approximation of hell they got going on there.

    Wait. What is that cross doing there? Well, I guess if they were smart, they would make it so when you knelt at the cross and prayed real hard, the air conditioning would come on.

  19. 19
    Sastra

    And the FFRF is going to file suit to prevent it from being built! Just like they file suit against all cemeteries which have crosses! And churches which hold Christian funerals too!

    It’s on the internet now. It must be true. Bon-joor.

  20. 20
    John Hinkle

    Gives new meaning to the phrase skull and cross bones.

  21. 21
    mvemjsun

    If they make all of them funereal urns then they could fit a lot more suckers.

  22. 22
    d.c.wilson

    Oh come on, you’re in Nevada. Just put a casino in it.

    And a brothel.

  23. 23
    tbp1

    Here’s what I don’t get: aren’t Christians supposed to be all about the afterlife? Whether you’re in Heaven, Hell, or Purgatory, what possible difference does it make where your body is buried? Forget this monstrosity, I don’t get why some plots in the local cemetery are more desirable than others. Even if what the Christians believe is true, that’s not actually where you’re going to spend eternity. (And of course, if what I believe is true, consciousness ceases at death and then it really doesn’t matter where you’re buried, at least not to you.)

  24. 24
    Donovan

    Hey, that’s great for them. I still, however, still intend to be buried in the World’s Largest Ball of Twine. But yeah, who wouldn’t want their final resting place to be a part of a roadside freak show?

  25. 25
    matty1

    @23 It matters to whoever picks the burial place, they get to display to the world what they think of the dead person. Think he was a pillar of the local community – shell out for top spot in the local churchyard, think she was a Christianist culture warrior – go for the giant model of a torture device. Expressing criticism through the choice of burial site is normally frowned on, though it might be more entertaining for bystanders.

  26. 26
    grumpyoldfart

    …donations of over $100 will be refunded.

    If you believe that will happen you’re skepticism isn’t working properly.

  27. 27
    starskeptic

    #4 Greg in Seattle – “Forest Lawn” written by Tom Paxton

  28. 28
    sezme

    Otrame @18: I had the same thoughts. White concrete-like surface, blazing sun, and hot, dry winds. Hell on Earth if there ever was one.

    And those gigantic reflecting pools? *Snort* They’re gonna need a helluva water source to keep them full.

  29. 29
    sezme

    @Barefoot Bree #10. On that Location page, just click on the Google Maps link and you can see the precise location.

  30. 30
    martinc

    Ah, but I am starting The Great Double-Cross Alliance, which plans to build a gigantic circle 200 ft tall and 3000 ft in diameter, just north of the cross, turning the whole thing into a gigantic symbol of femininity. Donations welcome.*

    * If it ends up not happening, all donations of $1,000,000 or greater will of course be fully refunded.

  31. 31
    birgerjohansson

    No pyramid or ziggurat? Not even a huge mound, dominating the horizon? That is THE WHOLE POINT of buiding a structure in a flat desert!

    As a compromise, I would suggest carving out a piece of rock, like in Petra, turning the cliff face itself into a monument…

  32. 32
    birgerjohansson

    Blogging about the final “rest” made me think about this: “Zombie Preppers full episode” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1V5CopO16U

  33. 33
    francesc

    “The Great Cross will be supported by a world-wide community”
    Uhm… can anyone be buried in the US, even if they don’t have any link with US citizens? Just pointing to another thing wich doesn’t sound right.
    Wait, about 1 km long? I would like to notice how copenhagen’s airport looks on the map: http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/1/11/CopenhagenAirportOSM.png/300px-CopenhagenAirportOSM.png
    The longest runway is about 3,5 km long

  34. 34
    DaveL

    If we assume the cross-section (pun not intended) was roughly square and 50% of the interior space is used for vaults, I calculate that they’re committing to build this structure once something like 0.02% of the vault spaces have been pre-sold.

    This is analogous to building a standard-size mausoleum on the basis of having one customer pre-committed to burying their gerbil there.

  35. 35
    democommie

    “Oh come on, you’re in Nevada. Just put a casino in it.”

    And go “Full Disney” by having a righteously pissed, AK-47 firing, blonde blue-eyed JESUS come in, gunz blazin’, to drive the money changers (cashiers) out of the temple–every 4 hours!

  36. 36
    dingojack

    A big cross on the ground should give a nice target for SLC’s 15Mt nukes.
    :) Dingo

  37. 37
    Pierce R. Butler

    … 3000 feet long, 2000 feet wide and 200 feet tall.

    Lying flat on the ground, in other words.

    What a disgrace!

    These people have no ambition, no pride, no FAITH!

  38. 38
    democommie

    Those with good math skilz might want to correct any mistakes I make but that looks like 1.2 BILLION cubic feet of space.

    Just a thumbnail, back of the envelope, outta my ass guesstimate but that fucker is gonna have about as much concrete in it as Hoover Dam. And what, people, does concrete depend upon for its use, LOTS OF FUCKING WATER. Are they gonna truck it in, or ask GOD to give them a pocket deluge?

  39. 39
    F [is for failure to emerge]

    You want it to lay flat on the ground, so god can look at it from space. All the plants and animals exterminated by its creation will be as a sacrifice unto him. Or was that the ancient aliens?

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