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Aug 12 2013

Beck Finds the Lost Tribes of Israel

I’ve lost track of all the various groups who claim to be descended from the real lost tribes of Israel. They settled in Persia or Saudi Arabia or Ethiopia, depending on who you’re talking to. Some even claim it’s the Japanese. But Glenn Beck says they went to Europe, created Western Civilization (all based on the Torah, of course) and then came to America as the Puritans. Historians will find this one just plain laughable.

34 comments

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  1. 1
    matty1

    Has he abandoned the Mormon church then? I think they teach that the lost tribes were in America way before the Puritans.

  2. 2
    busterggi

    He left out the part where the Israelites interbred with the grey aliens.

  3. 3
    Kevin, 友好火猫 (Friendly Fire Cat)

    He’s not even right with the symbolism of the Statue of Liberty.

  4. 4
    Phillip IV

    Historians will find this one just plain laughable.

    Some of them might feel more like crying, actually.

    But it’s remarkable how many lost things Beck manages to dredge back up. The lost tribes of Israel…the lost cause of the Confederacy….now if he only could find the lost minds of the Teabaggers…

  5. 5
    machintelligence

    now if he only could find the lost minds of the Teabaggers

    Don’t worry. They are so sick that they couldn’t have gone very far.

  6. 6
    matty1

    Oh and a brief check suggests that despite speculations the only people today who are widely accepted as being descended from the Assyrian empire are in northern Iraq, pretty much exactly where they always were. So much for the populating Russia and Italy crap.

  7. 7
    Pierce R. Butler

    The Puritans themselves, if Beck were to go back in time and tell them this idea, would probably find it blasphemous and hang him for it.

  8. 8
    dugglebogey

    How exactly did they turn white?

  9. 9
    Francisco Bacopa

    How exactly did they turn white?

    Mormons believe that with enough faith a dark skinned person can become a lighter skinned person in the afterlife. Maybe he thinks God can make your kids lighter over generations too.

  10. 10
    raven

    How exactly did they turn white?

    Mormons believe that with enough faith a dark skinned person can become a lighter skinned person in the afterlife/

    Almost but not quite right.

    1. Dark skin is a sign of past punishment from god, a curse. You are a Laminite or Cainite.

    2. If you are a Laminite i.e. American Indian, Polynesian, Asian, brown skinned whatever, and you join the Mormon church, you will start turning white.

    This is straight out of the Book of Mormon and a very common LDS belief.

    I don’t know how white you turn upon converting, how fast, or if being devout makes it go faster. You will have to ask the pigmentation specialists at church HQ in SLC.

    (They might be trying to get away from this. They rewrote the BofM part about turning white recently. I’d be surprised if the average Mormon has changed their mythology though.)

  11. 11
    dingojack

    Did Bek look in the back of the sofa? How about behind the bureau? Or under that weird lumpy rock near the shed?
    :) Dingo

  12. 12
    raven

    I don’t know if what Beck is saying is Mormon mythology or something he got from David Barton or some White Supremacist.

    Mormons do know what happened to some of the Jews though.

    They are the new Real Jews.

    1. The LDS have a covenant with god. The only covenant, the Real covenant. That makes them the Real Jews, god’s chosen people.

    2. The old Israeli Jews are Fake Jews. The other xians are all Fake Xians. The Mormon word for both is “gentiles”. The Fake Jews find that hilarious. So do a lot of Fake Xians.

    Despite the Mormon claim to have the one covenant with god, covenants with god are everywhere, dime a hundred. All you have to do is wave your hands and claim to have one.

  13. 13
    raven

    But Glenn Beck says they went to Europe, created Western Civilization (all based on the Torah, of course) and then came to America as the Puritans.

    I doubt if Beck made that up.

    I’m sure someone else did.

    It looks like a variant of British Israelism. It’s quite popular among white supremacists and other racists.

  14. 14
    raven

    17.2.3. Anglo-Israelism Commentary – A Testimony of Jesus Christ
    m. biblestudytools. com/commentaries/revelation/…/anglo-israelism.html‎

    Very briefly the Anglo-Israel position is that the Anglo-Saxon peoples, especially Great Britain and the United States, are descended from the tribes of Israel of …

    It’s straight Anglo-Israelism.

    I’d be careful with any links going to their sites. These are white supremacists and neonazis.

    Beck’s kind of people, I guess.

  15. 15
    unemployedphilosopher

    I don’t know about “cry”, exactly. This makes me want to drink a handle of bourbon and punch something, but it’s a bit early to start in on that.

  16. 16
    Modusoperandi

    So that’s where all that European-style Socialism came from!

  17. 17
    Reginald Selkirk

    He should check under the sofa cushions. When I lose something, that’s usually where it turns up.

  18. 18
    eric

    @1:

    Has he abandoned the Mormon church then? I think they teach that the lost tribes were in America way before the Puritans.

    IANAM but I don’t think that’s right. The lost tribes were lost (if they ever were) around 700 B.C. The Mormons have the ‘true followers’ of Christ leaving the middle east and coming to the Americas after Jesus, so they had to originate in the non-lost tribes.

    So this is not related to mormon religious white supremecism, it is (as Raven points out) an older, non-mormon version of racial supremicism. Anglo-Israelism: for those who think aryan supremacy is marred by the thought that the aryans came from India.

  19. 19
    microraptor

    He should check under the sofa cushions. When I lose something, that’s usually where it turns up.

    If I wanted to find Jesus, that’s definitely where I’d look first.

  20. 20
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    I keep wondering how those wingnuts not enamored of his particular religious/historical beliefs continue watching him. If someone identified as a liberal was spouting that crap, there would be screams of revisionism and heresy. WTF?

  21. 21
    iangould

    @18: No, in Mormon mythology there were two waves of Israelite migration to the New World, both preceding the time of Christ.

    Then Jesus shows up after the Resurrection.

    Mormons (some of them anyway) believe that just as God guided the prophet Nephi to the New World, he guided the descendants of the Lost Tribes there in the 17th century.

  22. 22
    naturalcynic

    modus:

    So that’s where all that European-style Socialism came from

    Since the Puritans left Europe in the 17th century, the riff-raff stayed behind. Pockets of Israelite goodness were left behind , as seen by such luminaries as Thatcher and Hayek.

  23. 23
    steffp

    The Statue of Liberty was dedicated on October 28, 1886, and designated as a National Monument as late as 1924. It’s a present to the US by the French Republic…
    The statue of liberty carries a law book, not biblical tablets. The inscription reads “July IV, MDCCLXXVI”, the date of the signing of the declaration of independence. No connection with the ten of the 613 mitzvahs Xians refer to.
    The seven spikes represent freedom projecting over the seven seas. Not “God’s light”.
    The broken chains refer to the final abolition of slavery (13th amendment) in 1865…
    Etc, etc…
    So many outright wrong statements about a national sanctuary! Is this the standard of education in patriotic matters?

  24. 24
    matty1

    @18

    The wiki page on the book of Mormon seems to have Israelites in America from around 600BC being visited by Jesus later on. Though it doesn’t say if the BoM described them as lost tribes or not, I guess I could read the original but I don’t really want to.

  25. 25
    garnetstar

    It’s the Cau*ca*sus mountains, Glenn, you dolt. Shows you how much serious time and research went into this theory.

  26. 26
    jba55

    As someone who was raised Mormon I can say that iangould @21 has it about right according to what I was taught and Raven @12 has it partly right, although I was taught that Mormons are, themselves, the Lost Tribe but not the *only* Jews. At least as far as I remember and to be fair that was 20 years and more than a few drinks/puffs ago. I do wonder what Mr Beck is thinking with this since it does rather blatantly counter LDS teachings. Is he blatantly lying? Does he really believe it and not the doctrine? Is he even aware of the doctrine of his own church?

  27. 27
    raven

    @26

    wikipedia gentile:

    “In the terminology of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (“LDS Church”; see also Mormon) the word Gentile takes on different meanings in different contexts which may confuse some and alienate others. Members of the LDS church regard themselves as regathered Israelites, and so sometimes use the word Gentile to refer to all non-members. According to John L. Needham of Utah State University, “Mormons in the American West applied gentile, as an adjective as much as a slur, to nearly everyone and everything that did not adhere to their faith or desert kingdom.” Because they had suffered persecution, the word gentile was “a call to circle the wagons socially and politically around the fold”.[7]

    In such usage Jews may be colloquially referred to as “Gentiles” because they are not members of the LDS Church.

    Do Mormons consider Jewish people Gentiles? – Latter-day Saints …
    community. babycenter. com/…/do_mormons_consider_jewish_people_g…‎

    Jan 29, 2011 – if so, why? Growing up I was told that all non Mormons are gentiles, this includes Jewish people right? Isn’t that insulting to the Jews since if …

    In Utah especially, the Mormons refer to Jews as gentiles. As well as the other 7 billion people on earth. And they definitely claim to all be Israelis by birth or adoption. This is a core idea of theirs.

    Sorting out Mormon mythology can be difficult. It changes often and a lot of Mormons believe whatever they want to believe anyway.

    It’s the same with xianity of course, where most of what xians believe isn’t in the bible, just stuff made up later. Original sin, a central fundie and Catholic belief, was made up by Ausgustine in the 4th century.

  28. 28
    jba55

    @27: Not saying you’re wrong, just saying what I was taught. I don’t pretend to speak for actual “doctrine”, I know from (if nothing else) having friends and family who are still LDS how different two peoples views on that can be. Course I was also raised in Boston and remember distinctly the year that priesthood classes stopped being taught by a native Bostonian and started being taught by someone raised in Utah because so many things abruptly changed.

  29. 29
    lpetrich

    Yes, the Anglo-Israelites or British Israelites. Saxons = Isaac’s sons.

    Bertrand Russell had encountered many Anglo-Israelites, and he’d propose rival versions of their theories, resulting in a lot of pleasant argumentation. Like how it’s the English who are Ephraim and the Scots who are Manasseh.

  30. 30
    exdrone

    None of this would have happened if the Native Americans had finished building the fence.

  31. 31
    hrafn

    But Glenn Beck says they went to Europe, created Western Civilization (all based on the Torah, of course) and then came to America as the Puritans.

    This sounds reminiscent of the claims of the British Israelism and Brit-Am movements.

  32. 32
    microraptor

    I keep wondering how those wingnuts not enamored of his particular religious/historical beliefs continue watching him. If someone identified as a liberal was spouting that crap, there would be screams of revisionism and heresy. WTF?

    Basically, he tells them that they’re right, the government is out to get them, there really is a communist liberal conspiracy to take away their guns using the guise of global warming (which they made up) to justify it, Democrats are trying to turn America into an Islamic country, ect. So long as he continues to confirm all their fears, they’re going to ignore his peculiarities when it comes to religion. Assuming they’re even that aware of his religion to begin with.

  33. 33
    birgerjohansson

    dugglebogey, raven

    -Super-Lamarckism? If I can change color, can I develop chamaleon powers, too? Predator-style blending into the background?
    But I suppose such superpowers only appliy to those who are reincarnated from OT Jews, and maybe Smith himself.
    Anyway, pale skin is an adaptation for non-equatorial environments. If I believe really, really hard I should be able to hibernate, too.

  34. 34
    Rich Woods

    @jba55 #26:

    I do wonder what Mr Beck is thinking with this since it does rather blatantly counter LDS teachings. Is he blatantly lying? Does he really believe it and not the doctrine? Is he even aware of the doctrine of his own church?

    And whatever the answers might be, does he actually care? He’s got an audience to stroke his ego and cash going into the bank.

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