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Aug 02 2013

Robertson: Exorcism Needed to Eliminate Ghosts

A 700 Club reader wrote to Pat Robertson saying that their house is full of ghosts. Robertson said he doesn’t believe in ghosts, but that the house is inhabited by demons and an exorcism was needed. Maybe the demons got there because they didn’t exorcise the clothes they bought at garage sales.

12 comments

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  1. 1
    John Pieret

    “My house is haunted. There is moaning coming from the walls, lights turn on and off, the TV changes channels on its own, the beds move, stuff floats off tables, mirrors break, and there is sometimes a creepy fog. The ghosts look like people, but have dark blue light around their feet and hands. What do I do?”

    Sounds to me like someone was pulling Pat’s leg. Of course, Pat rose to the bait and swallowed it whole.

  2. 2
    richardelguru

    That’s why you should never go to sales at that tumbled down, black-painted mansion with all the bats where that guy with the unusual dental problem lives!!

  3. 3
    beezlebubby

    A responsible person might recommend that the person call a furnace repair man, since he could be suffering from carbon monoxide toxicity.

  4. 4
    raven

    “My house is haunted. There is moaning coming from the walls, lights turn on and off, the TV changes channels on its own, the beds move, stuff floats off tables, mirrors break, and there is sometimes a creepy fog. The ghosts look like people, but have dark blue light around their feet and hands. What do I do?”

    What do I do?”

    Cthulhu, this is so simple.

    You call in the TV cameras, start a reality TV show, and make millions of dollars.

    If you can’t get the title Ghostbusters, go for Demon Slayers.

  5. 5
    ArtK

    Robertson doesn’t believe in ghosts (other than the Holy Ghost, one assumes),but does believe in demons. Glad he clarified that one for us.

  6. 6
    Dexeron

    Pat Robertson: It’s not ghosts! Don’t be foolish! It’s DEMONS!

    All I can think of is Bill Murray’s medieval barber routine:

    “Why, just fifty years ago, they thought a disease like your daughter’s was caused by demonic possession or witchcraft. But nowadays, we know that Isabelle is suffering from an imbalance of bodily humours, perhaps caused by a toad or a small dwarf living in her stomach.”

  7. 7
    Dexeron

    Erp, whoops. Not Bill Murray. That was Steve Martin. Doh!

  8. 8
    vmanis1

    C’mon, of course you’re going to think of Bill Murray…`Who ya gonna call? GHOSTBUSTERS’”

    Our one-week special, an entire closet of clothes exorcised for $99.95. We’ll do a pair of demon-possessed panties or jockey shorts for only $5.99!

  9. 9
    exdrone

    There is moaning coming from the walls, lights turn on and off, the TV changes channels on its own, the beds move

    It sounds like the couple haunting the house were sex freaks who have the good taste to switch off The 700 Club whenever it comes on.

  10. 10
    sezme

    That staff had to use that letter to read to Uncle Pat then they have a real problem beyond his nutty advice.

    PS: Is nutty ok?

  11. 11
    Artor

    Ghosts? That’s silly. Everyone knows ghosts aren’t real. It’s OBVIOUSLY demons instead, That’s so much more reasonable.

  12. 12
    shaneevans

    Casper the friendly ghost was really a demon? My 5-year old self is crushed!

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