Lively Loves Bigoted Russian Oppression »« Gordo Thinks Same-Sex Marriages are Orgies?

They’re Laying Hands on the Candidates

Ted Cruz and Rand Paul went to Iowa to hobnob with evangelical pastors and endure the same ritual performed by so many Republican presidential candidates before them by having hands laid upon them and prayers uttered over them. CBN’s “journalist” David Brody was there and captured the whole thing.

Ted Cruz, who received a warm greeting, spoke for about 30 minutes and then took questions from the audience. He outlined how he championed religious freedom cases ranging from the Ten Commandments to the Mojave Cross case. He touched on how to go about eliminating Obamacare; he called for abolishing the IRS (which received a standing ovation), and on the issue of marriage he said, “There’s no issue where we need to be more on our knees…we are facing an assault on marriage.”

On spiritual matters, he told the pastors that, “We are in a battle to turn this country around.” Later, in a one-on-one sit-down interview with The Brody File, he said this country is badly in need of spiritual revival (More on those comments coming Monday). He charged the pastors to step up and speak boldly about the issues facing our country today. He compared all of them to Esther, saying the biblical woman was put in a position of leadership, “for such a time as this.”

Afterwards, pastors gathered around Cruz and his father (who was on hand for the conference) to pray for them (More on this next week as well).

I wonder if he got all foamy at the mouth and pretended to be “overcome with the spirit.” That’s how you really show your tribal marker.

As for Rand Paul, he spoke for about 20 minutes and then the pastors prayed for the senator and his wife Kelly. Paul spent the bulk of his time explain how liberty, freedom, and virtue go hand in hand. His biggest applause lines came when he talked about his dedication to the pro-life issue and how he believes America needs to cut off aid to countries that hate America.

“For tonight’s meal, I’ve prepared for you an entree of wingnut madlibs with a side order of overly simplistic xenophobia, all covered in a thick gravy of empty buzzwords and catchphrases. Bon appetit!”

Comments

  1. John Pieret says

    So, are these guys running for President or Pope?

    I have the unconfortable feeling that the answer is both.

  2. shouldbeworking says

    “For tonight’s meal, I’ve prepared for you an entree of wingnut madlibs with a side order of overly simplistic xenophobia, all covered in a thick gravy of empty buzzwords and catchphrases. Bon appetit!”

    But no True Rethuglican would use elitist foreign words in public!

  3. says

    There are plenty of candidates that I’d like to “lay hands on.” Unfortunately, that’s considered assault in most jurisdictions, so I haven’t grabbed anyone’s throat and shaken them… yet.

  4. Trebuchet says

    I was initially surprised at this in the case of Cruz because I was assuming him to be Catholic. He’s not. His parents are Cuban and irish-Italian, according to Wikipedia, but he’s somehow a Southern Baptist.

  5. Synfandel says

    But no True Rethuglican would use elitist foreign words in public!

    Omitting the correct diacritics makes them true blue American words.

  6. Doug Little says

    We are in a battle to turn this country around.” Later, in a one-on-one sit-down interview with The Brody File, he said this country is badly in need of spiritual revival (More on those comments coming Monday).

    Do they really think this is possible? All I see is a continual drift of the population away from spirituality, The only thing that could possibly turn that around is for the main man to finally show up, smite a few non believers and declare Christianity the one true religion.

  7. exdrone says

    The US is showing signs of economic recovery, so if he “touched on how to go about eliminating Obamacare” and “called for abolishing the IRS”, then there is a certain internal logic with him saying that, “We are in a battle to turn this country around.” … Back away from progress, that is.

  8. paulburnett says

    Voting based on political parties is as easy as driving: Select “D” to go forward, “R” to go backward.

  9. Nick Gotts says

    The only thing that could possibly turn that around is for the main man to finally show up, smite a few non believers and declare Christianity the one true religion. – Doug Little

    How about Huitzilopochtli turning up and demanding his backlog of sacrificial victims’ hearts, or he’ll switch the sun off?

  10. pocketnerd says

    @9:

    “Voting based on political parties is as easy as driving: Select “D” to go forward, “R” to go backward.”

    Genius. May I steal it?

  11. gertzedek says

    I’m not entirely sure those opposing gay marriage ought to use the phrase “on our knees” in regard to the issue.

  12. dcsohl says

    If we abolish the IRS, how would we pay for the military that these guys love so very very much?

  13. greg1466 says

    On spiritual matters, he told the pastors that, “We are in a battle to turn this country around.”

    I agree completely that they are in a battle to turn this country back to the 1950’s, if not the 1750’s…

Leave a Reply