Glenn Beck Conspiracy Generator

You knew it was inevitable that someone would program a Glenn Beck conspiracy generator, right? If it works for Deepak Chopra, and it does, it certainly works for Beck. Most wingnut rhetoric sounds like a word salad or a game of Madlibs anyway, so it makes perfect sense. And this is obviously true:

Militant academic elitists are consorting with the Bolsheviks at the Federal Reserve to do exactly what Hitler wrote about in the Communist Manifesto. They’re all connected — liberals, Nazis, Kevin Bacon, everybody.

Who could argue with that?

20 comments on this post.
  1. slc1:

    Militant academic elitists are consorting with the Bolsheviks at the Federal Reserve to do exactly what Hitler wrote about in the Communist Manifesto.

    The Communist Manifesto was written 40 years before Frankenberger was born. I guess he used George Soros time machine.

  2. Who Knows?:

    Wow, just wow. What is really sad is there seems to be a large audience out there that will believe this shit.

  3. slc1:

    Maybe ole Glenn is reading this blog and taking lessons from our resident Bolshevik.

  4. themojohand:

    “The goons at the Service Employees International Union are conspiring with Google to turn your church into a drive-through abortion clinic.”

    I knew it!

  5. Chiroptera:

    …exactly what Hitler wrote about in the Communist Manifesto.

    Okay, unless Beck misspoke here, he’s gotta be tipping his hand that he’s a Poe.

    He may believe his ultra-conservative nonsense, but he also might be recognizing that his followers are rubes.

  6. matty1:

    The joke is that Glen really is writing these himself.

  7. matty1:

    They are great though in just a few clicks I learn’t about plans to redecorate your house with the artwork of Mussolini and to fill the fountains in Washington DC with bong water.

  8. Gregory in Seattle:

    @Who Knows? #2 – “What is really sad is there seems to be a large audience out there that will believe this shit.”

    What is REALLY sad is that most of these bot-generated statements are indistinguishable from what Beck actually says.

  9. matty1:

    On the same site is this right wing nutjob quote-o-matic. Looks like Ed may be able to automate this blog.

  10. oranje:

    “There are crypto-Muslim sleeper agents in every part of the government who are acting on the orders of Keith Olbermann so they an bring all Fox News hosts before a death panel. And if we don’t stop them now, it could happen to you.”

  11. firstapproximation:

    “There are sushi-eating socialists among us who are creating an army of Dennis Kucinich clones to help them molest your kitten. And you know who else tried to do that? Hitler.”

    They’ve really captured Beck.

  12. matty1:

    Oooh and the Michelle Bachman Insane-ometer

    ”There’s a commonality with the Mall of America, in that it’s on that proportion. There’s marble everywhere. The other thing I remarked about was there is water everywhere.”

    —Rep. Michele Bachmann, likening visiting Iraq to visiting the Mall of America in Minneapolis, July 2007

    I’ll stop now.

  13. machintelligence:

    These are actually better than most auto generated statements, but the best is still the postmodernism generator.
    http://www.elsewhere.org/pomo/

  14. leskimopie:

    Theres a race car series called the 24 Hours of Lemons, and if you break a rule or cause an issue on the track they make you do odd penalties. One of them was a Glenn Beck Conspiracy penalty, where the drivers had to construct a conspiracy theory on a white board to explain why what happened wasn’t actually their fault, and then they could go back out driving.

    they make about as much sense as anything Glenn Beck says

  15. Who Knows?:

    What is REALLY sad is that most of these bot-generated statements are indistinguishable from what Beck actually says.

    Well, that’s what got me. I misread Ed’s post and thought Beck really said that. :)

  16. criticaldragon1177:

    Ed Brayton

    This is hilarious! Thanks for sharing it with us.

  17. erk12:

    “Barack Hussein Obama and his fellow Muslims are seeking emergency powers that will enable them to operate concentration camps right here on American soil. “

    It’s scary how accurate this thing can be. Also tax-hiking liberal socialists and Keith Olbermann want to bring my parakeet before a death panel. :( I don’t even have a parakeet yet, and they’re so evil, they’re already plotting to kill it.

  18. Chiroptera:

    Doh! The link really does go to a Glenn Beck Conspiracy Generator. When Ed was referring to a conspiracy generator, I assumed he meant Beck’s brain!

  19. Michael Heath:

    matty1 writes:

    On the same site is this right wing nutjob quote-o-matic. Looks like Ed may be able to automate this blog.

    They’ll need to add one additional feature to make that a feasible offering. The ability for the rhetoric to becoming increasingly more deluded and idiotic at increasing rates. This rate must also descend quickly enough that readers remain amazed at how idiotic and delusional the rhetoric is. Otherwise it won’t be believable.

  20. jnorris:

    The generator has to throw the word Nazi around a lot.

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