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OMG! He Saw a Lesbian!

The American Family Association’s Sandy Rios had a guest host for her radio show on Tuesday, Austin Ruse of the Catholic Family and Human Rights Institute. And boy, does he have a story to tell. He was watching the Food Network one night with his daughter and they saw — gasp! — a lesbian:

So I didn’t have my hand on the trigger fast enough when they did a hard cut to a backstory about this lesbian chef and don’t you know it she’s got her arm around her ‘wife,’ she refers to her ‘wife,’ and I was too slow in fast-forwarding. My eight-year-old Lucy, sweet Lucy, turned to me and said: ‘Did she say wife?’ And I said, ‘No, I think she meant girlfriend.’ And Lucy said, ‘I think she said life.’ God bless the innocence of this child. But they will not let us off the mat, the ideologies who want to cram this thing down our throats no matter where we go.

Shocking. It’s just shocking how these damn lesbians “cram this thing down their throats” by, you know, existing and stuff. It’s just so rude of them. And it forces this God-fearing father to have to explain lesbianism to his innocent little baby girl. And apparently it’s too difficult to say, “Well honey, some women are attracted to women.” Will the oppression never end for these people? How long do they have to tolerate the gays’ demand for the “special right” to exist?

Comments

  1. says

    It is shocking. This “holding hands” and “talking to each other” on the television is a step too far! People really should keep their sexuality to themselves. Why, I was telling the wife that as I was massaging her back, just yesterday, while she straddled my thighs, after a jaw-straining round of cunnilingus.

  2. jolly says

    What the hell was he doing exposing his child to a television? Jesus didn’t say anything about electricity and all that devilish trickery. Does this guy really have cable to his cave?

  3. Chiroptera says

    Who the hell is shocked that there are gay people on mainstream tv? Even the other bigots gotta be saying, “lol wut?”

  4. cptdoom says

    Curses, the great Gay Agenda has been foiled again. We just can’t get anything over on those Christians. They now know that reality programming was created so we could mainstream gays and lesbians into society. How can you tell? There was a gay guy on the first season of the Real World of course. But that was just the beginning. Then we started going on Survivor and the Amazing Race, renovating our neighbors’ houses on Trading Spaces and buying homes with our families on House Hunters. Then, for the coup de grace, we sent out the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy crowd out to destroy the last vestiges of straight masculinity. You know that’s how we got to Anthony Kennedy, right?

    Now we’ll have to find some other ways to convince our friends and families that we’re normal humans.

  5. dingojack says

    OMG! He Saw a Lesbian!
    oh – it got better.

    So correct me if I’m wrong here. The TV show he was watching (not live I notice) concerned a person he knew was a lesbian. And while filling-in her backstory, she happens to have the most important person in her life with her, and it’s a woman!. What the hell did he expect?
    Perhaps he could write to the producers to demand that all interviews be conducted in a completely white studio, under flat white lighting, whilst the subject is wearing a burka?
    Any bets on whether he would demand the same of a married hetero chef?
    Dingo
    ——-
    * Imagine Gordon Ramsey or Jamie Oliver in a burka under 10000 W lights for 4 or 5 hours. :)

  6. Chiroptera says

    …who want to cram this thing down our throats….

    They’re still using this phrase? At this point, shouldn’t even the bigots be snickering when they hear this?

  7. matty1 says

    blockquote>Lucy, turned to me and said: ‘Did she say wife?’ And I said, ‘No, I think she meant girlfriend.’

    So he’s OK with unmarried lesbian couples?

  8. Nick Gotts says

    So he’s OK with unmarried lesbian couples? – matty1

    Well he’s certainly OK with lying to his daughter.

  9. Chiroptera says

    “Wrong side of history.”

    I can totally see teenage Lucy repeating this story, but with more eye-rolling.

  10. Michael Heath says

    Austin Ruse:

    . . . a backstory about this lesbian chef and don’t you know it she’s got her arm around her ‘wife,’ she refers to her ‘wife,’ [...]
    My eight-year-old Lucy, sweet Lucy, turned to me and said: ‘Did she say wife?’ And I said, ‘No, I think she meant girlfriend.’ And Lucy said, ‘I think she said life.’ God bless the innocence of this child.

    In order to teach your children the incontrovertible truth of the Christian worldview, one must lie to your child. I call it a particularly insidious form of child abuse, one where Christians get off the hook far too easily for their dishonesty.

  11. says

    Reading the excerpt above I thought it might have been an episode of Chopped., as I’ve seen at least a couple of lesbian chefs on there. Sure enough it was. If mere lesbianism is bad I wonder what he would have thought of the one lesbian chef who was completely estranged from her family due to their religious disapproval. Don’t want “sweet Lucy” knowing adults can do things mom and dad don’t want them to.

  12. Hercules Grytpype-Thynne says

    So he’s OK with unmarried lesbian couples?

    That was my first thought as well, but I’ve known straight women who use this term to refer to close female friends.

  13. Chiroptera says

    And that exchange is straight out of a comedy routine.

    “Did she say ‘wife’?”

    “No, she said, ‘knife.’ I think she’s holding her cutlery.”

    “No, she said, ‘fife.’ She’s probably in a band.”

    And Lucy said, ‘I think she said life.’

    Actually, that’s kind of romantic.

  14. says

    Look, if you can’t lie to your kids, what good are they? My parents lied to me all the time, and I turned out just fine. Sure, I still think that earwigs nest in human ears, but that never did me no harm!

  15. John Pieret says

    It’s just so rude of them.

    To avoid a Godwin, it was just so rude of black people to expect to stand in election lines.

    But what amuses me is poor Lucy is so fragile in her faith the the very knowledge that there are gay people in the world who are married will ruin … well … what?

    Her belief in Rios’ god? Sounds like Rios has done a piss-poor job in indoctrination teaching the One True Faith.

    Or is it that Lucy, once she knows that women sometimes love women, will run right out and get herself a lesbian lover? In which case, there is either nothing much wrong with that or Rios has done a piss-poor job in indoctrination teaching the One True Faith.

    Anyway you slice it, Rios is admitting that she is, by her oen lights, a failed parent.

  16. says

    I am so strongly reminded of this.

    Considering the example I linked and what’s under discussion here, the key point is that both are quite able to talk to their kids. It’s almost certain that everyone who’s a parent has, at some point, talked about some relative passing away. Do those parents like doing that? (Probably not). But they do it anyway. Why? It’s part of parenting. No one is exempt from having to talk about things they don’t like. And the mere existence of lesbians (or gay men) does not prevent anyone from talking to their kids. It’s not my problem you are a bigot and can’t handle reality.

    In short, you should simply shut up and grow a f***ing spine.

  17. samgardner says

    It won’t be very long before Lucy’s fully aware of these lies. Teens resent their parent just for being parents, and he’s going to be handing her ammunition and telling her where his weak points are.

    You probably shouldn’t treat kids like adults, but you absolutely shouldn’t treat them like idiots.

  18. caseloweraz says

    She might have said “tripe.” Maybe she was cooking up some brains, which are considered a delicacy by some. They’re often mixed with eggs and scrambled.

    She appears to have scrambled at least one brain…

    Maybe we should send the scrambling victim some videos of a certain Greek island in the Aegean Sea.

  19. says

    caseloweraz “Maybe we should send the scrambling victim some videos of a certain Greek island in the Aegean Sea.”
    That’s an interesting idea, but I don’t see what videos of Evia’s many archeological digs is supposed to do.

  20. tsig says

    I tougt I saw a Lesbian. I did! I did see a Lesbian.

    They have him down on the mat cramming it down his throat? He should keep his fantasies to himself.

  21. Scientismist says

    I tougt I saw a Lesbian. I did! I did see a Lesbian.

    A fond memory of a long lost but well loved Mel Blank kids’ record from my ’50′s childhood. From what I can recall, the new version of Tweety’s song would be:

    I tawt I taw a puddy tat Lethbian, a tweeping up on me.
    I did! I taw a puddy tat Lethbian, as pwain as he she could be!”

    .. Followed by Sylvester’s lines about “That puddy tat Lesbian was me!” (The rewrite begins to break down there..)

    “Did he say he was going to eat the little bird, Daddy?”
    “No, he said he was going to *greet* the little bird, honey.”

  22. Scientismist says

    Edit/addendum on #24:
    “No, Daddy, I think he said he was sweet on the little bird.”

  23. blf says

    The problem is a lesbian is essentially Medusa. Look at one and yer turned to stone. They have snakes for hair — a hated of males — and are uggggly with lots of gs.

    And I wouldn’t be too surprised if people like this nutter want to chop off her head.

  24. magistramarla says

    On the other hand, I like to watch my favorite cooking show, The Chew, with my grandson.
    I’ve pointed out to him that one of the things that I like the most about the show is the fact that Clinton Kelly talks about his husband just as proudly and comfortably as the rest of the (straight) hosts talk about their spouses.

  25. exdrone says

    It sounds like the plot of a fundie Invasion of the Body Snatchers movie. Despite the briefness of the exposure and his attempt to divert his daughter’s understanding of the scene, the next day Sweet Lucy got her hair cut short and began wearing baggy clothes and a baseball cap. Because he had let his guard down for a second, his daughter caught teh gay. He would never forgive himself for ignoring the cooking show’s “Viewer discretion advised” warning.

  26. hunter says

    What a shock that must have been! Especially when we was expecting to see a racist.

  27. Synfandel says

    This gives little Lucy a story she can tell at the reception when she marries her girlfriend.

  28. kermit. says

    Synfandel This gives little Lucy a story she can tell at the reception when she marries her girlfriend.
    .
    She might not remember, but she will rediscover it when she googles herself a few years from now, now that daddy has made a permanent internet record of it.
    .
    I can assure folks that these people think that we are demented and perverse in all kinds of ways by nature, and it is only by constant magical invoking of their sky spirit that they can maintain an unstable veneer of civilization. Ax murdering, miscegnation, grandma raping, gay affection, sleeping in on Sundays – all imaginable evils, and disobedience of God’s laws will be indulged in. They can’t even tell what they themselves would do if unleased (a perfect metaphor for this). All forbidden things are equally likely. This is why they reject acknowledging atheists as normal, mostly decent people. Why, if people can behave without obsessing about Jesus all the time, why do we need churches? (Answer: bake sales and summer pot lucks.)

  29. marcus says

    OMG! He Saw a Lesbian!”
    Ha, Ha! Yeah right! I bet she was walking-in-hand with Bigfoot as well!
    Man, just how credulous do these assholes think we are?

  30. JustaTech says

    Or maybe “sweet Lucy” said “I think she said life” because “sweet Lucy” saw that Daddy was getting ready to freak the fuck out and she wanted to head that off. Children are young, they’re not stupid.

    Also, we’re guessing this is an episode of Chopped? The show with Ted Allen, formerly of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy as the host? And this loon was concerned that there was a lesbian chef? Good greif.

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