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Jul 04 2013

Brody: God Gets the Majority Ruling

David Brody, who masquerades as a journalist for the 700 Club, has an amusing column at the CBN website about the Supreme Court’s marriage rulings declaring those rulings irrelevant because God is a “majority of one” and has the final say:

There are two things that have not changed despite the fact that the Supreme Court ruled DOMA unconstitutional: First of all, in their 5-4 opinion, the SUPCO Justices did not declare Gay Marriage legal in America and secondly, the biblical definition of marriage is still the same. Put another way, Anthony Kennedy and his cohorts may have decided that DOMA is unconstitutional and no longer the law of the land but by a 1-0 margin God decided a long time ago that traditional marriage is the law of the World. God wins. Remember, God, not Anthony Kennedy wrote the ultimate “Majority Opinion.” See Genesis 1:27-31,Matthew 19:4-6, Leviticus 18:22, Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Corinthian 6:9-10 (Just for starters).

So why didn’t he intervene to prevent this from happening? And don’t tell me that he can’t change the free will of the justices because if that’s the case, why were millions of Christians praying for him to do exactly that? I’m having fun seeing all the coping mechanisms being invented by the bigots to soothe their trembling psyches. They pray and pray and pray but those prayers aren’t answered and it never occurs to them to ask why that is. Does God not exist? Does he not care? Does he actually agree with the other side? These are all valid questions, all of which are casually dismissed with “God works in mysterious ways.” Which is funny because those same people never seem to have any problem claiming to understand those mysterious ways any other time.

23 comments

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  1. 1
    Brett McCoy

    1-0? I thought it was 1-1, Satan certainly voted in support of the SCOTUS.

  2. 2
    Michael Heath

    Brett McCoy writes:

    1-0? I thought it was 1-1, Satan certainly voted in support of the SCOTUS.

    I heard Satan lost his vote on this case given the Supremes overturning the Voting Rights Act earlier in the week. God’s response to the VRA vote was to enact a mandatory voter ID card lawn, where he then refused to issue Satan a card. God has trouble accepting the fact Satan was born in Heaven.

  3. 3
    matty1

    Matthew 19:4-6

    Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’[a] 5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’[b]? 6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

    Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson told his “700 Club” viewers that divorcing a spouse with Alzheimer’s is justifiable because the disease is “a kind of death.”

    Hmm, it’s some kind of metal-y

  4. 4
    Chiroptera

    I still want to know how they are going to protest the DOMA ruling. Get gay married and then continue to file their tax returns as single?

  5. 5
    matty1

    Michael Heath “God has trouble accepting the fact Satan was born in Heaven.”

    But I’ve seen Satan’s Kenyan birth certificate – written in crayon, and a grand jury said it was totes legit and the other one was the fake.

  6. 6
    democommie

    Gosh, and just this once I was hoping that the “GOD gets” was more like, “Invisible Skyfairy understands…” but, then he WAS created in man’s image.

  7. 7
    had3

    Matty1 works for NSA cuz he knew what I was gonna type!!! Damn, now that I’ve revealed that I may have to…continue living as before cuz no one cares.

  8. 8
    jamessweet

    Surprised he didn’t drudge up this quote from Frederick Douglass:

    The man who is right is a majority. We, who have God and conscience on our side, have a majority against the universe.

    (Often misrendered as “One and God make a majority”)

    Now, what Douglass was talking about (I believe) was the idea that a simple majority ought not to be able to take away the rights of a minority (e.g. like when Prop 8 was passed by a relatively narrow margin). But the quote could be easily twisted for these bigots’ purposes, and then they could even say they were quoting a great civil rights leader!

  9. 9
    matty1

    had3, stay where you are you will be collected.

  10. 10
    zenlike

    the biblical definition of marriage is still the same.

    Well, he is correct there (stopped clocks and what not), his particular religious interpretation of marriage was indeed not changed. Only the civil definition of marriage.

    So why is he opposed to the ruling again? (rhetorical question of course)

  11. 11
    brianwestley

    And don’t tell me that he can’t change the free will of the justices because if that’s the case, why were millions of Christians praying for him to do exactly that?

    It’s worse than that — people were praying up to the day of the announcement of the opinion, even though it was certainly written weeks earlier. I guess they thought they could actually change history if the justices hadn’t originally voted the way they liked.

  12. 12
    dingojack

    Michael Heath – When god “enact[ed] a mandatory voter ID card lawn“, did he then yell at satan to ‘get offn” my lawn an’ git behind me, ya durn kid’?
    Dingo

  13. 13
    Gvlgeologist, FCD

    Fortunately, even if a god did exist, according to our constitution, he or she doesn’t have a veto power.
    Or even a vote, unless he has proof of citizenship (according to the Repubs).

  14. 14
    Gvlgeologist, FCD

    or she…

  15. 15
    sigurd jorsalfar

    Oh Gawd exists all right. He’s just testing the xtians by allowing this ruling to happen. He wants to see how xtians will cope with the irresistible lure of getting gay married to the object of their church or office bromance. Xtians should be welcoming this ‘challenge’ to their faith and their heterosexuality, rather than complaining about, the ingrates.

  16. 16
    jpf

    Jehovah has made His decision, now let Him enforce it.

  17. 17
    caseloweraz

    Brody: “…but by a 1-0 margin God decided a long time ago that traditional marriage is the law of the World.”

    Except for traditional Mormons (polygamy), Muslims (polygamy), and numerous other religions.

    “God wins.”

    Meanwhile we’re all waiting for God to weigh in.

  18. 18
    Bronze Dog

    The “majority of one” thing has me facepalming over the naked authoritarianism, again.

    The judicial system is set up with checks and balances against the other two branches of government from abusing their power. We also have multiple judges in the supreme court who are essentially checks against each other, since it’d be easier for a lone judge to abuse his judicial power if he didn’t have to argue with eight others. But these authoritarian theocrats would rather have one person in charge of absolutely everything and they’re eager, not just willing, to bend and twist morality into knots by declaring that if that one person endorses a thing, it’s not immoral by definition.

  19. 19
    Pierce R. Butler

    David Brody has just publicly denied the Trinity!

    According to Traditional Values, this calls for a stake and a load of kindling…

  20. 20
    dingojack

    Stake and faggots, eh? Shit [hides fake beard and large pile of stones].
    :) Dingo

  21. 21
    raven

    but by a 1-0 margin God decided a long time ago that traditional marriage is the law of the World. God wins.

    I don’t have a problem with this.

    As long as god says it himself. Millions of people claim to speak for the gods. They all say different things. They can’t all be right, but they can all be wrong.

    I’ll wait until god calls a press conference, issues some press releases, and goes on late night TV. And he can enforce his law with his police force, aka the angels.

    PS It looks to be a long wait. God hasn’t been around in millennia. It’s likely he is either sick, dead, or communing with his new chosen beings, the giant squids swimming in methane seas on Kpax IV, 50 million light years away.

  22. 22
    addiepray

    Reminds me of a joke:
    A synagogue board is meeting about some mundane matter, and 9 of the board members are in agreement, with only Leibowitz arguing the other side, but Leibowitz refuses to give in.
    “You are outnumbered,” pleads Rabbi Greenbaum. “It’s 9 to 1.”
    The debate goes on and on, until finally, Leibowitz falls on his knees and says “Adonai, if you think I am right, give me a sign…”
    A hush falls over the room. The candles blow out. The holy ark blows open and a brilliant light floods them all as a thunderous voice announces I AM ADONAI. LEIBOWITZ IS RIGHT!!

    Rabbi Greenbaum shrugs. “Nu? Nine to two.”

  23. 23
    fmitchell

    First of all, in their 5-4 opinion, the SUPCO Justices did not declare Gay Marriage legal in America and secondly, the biblical definition of marriage is still the same.

    Like the old joke about the helicopter and the office building, this statement is absolutely correct and perfectly meaningless.

    1. The SCOTUS decision merely declared that DOMA could not nullify a state’s right to declare gay marriages valid. Other states can, and eventually will, institute gay marriage in the whole U. S.

    2. The definition of “biblical marriage” is decided by old white televangelists, Catholic priests, and congregations across America. The SCOTUS has neither the right nor the need to change their minds.

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