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God Loves Nik Wallenda

I didn’t bother to watch the Discovery Channel’s show with Nik Wallenda walking across the Grand Canyon on a wire without a tether, which I have no interest in whatsoever. But I did hear very quickly that he spent most of the trip across asking God for help in doing so.

“Thank you Jesus. Help me relax, Lord. God you are so good. Thank you Lord. Praise you Father God,” Wallenda said to keep his nerves calm during the treacherous walk…

At one point, just after passing the half-way point of his wirewalk, Wallenda crouched down as winds whipped around him. “Please Jesus, calm them down,” Wallenda said about the gusts.

Man, this kind of thing just irritates me for so many reasons. First of all, had he fallen would it have been God’s fault? Would Jesus be blamed for not calming the winds? Of course not. So what is the point of praising him for helping you if you aren’t going to blame him for not doing so? More importantly, what would you think of a God who did help him bring all this attention to himself? What would that say about God, that he takes the time to calm the winds so this guy can pull off a made-for-TV stunt but can’t be bothered to calm the winds of a tornado or a hurricane that kills untold numbers of people and does extraordinary damage? What would that say about God’s priorities other than that they are incredibly warped?

As I’ve pointed out before, I have no doubt that Wallenda believes that he’s being entirely humble to do this, that he’s giving all the credit to God. But in reality, he’s doing the exact opposite. He’s saying, “God loves me so much, I’m so ultra special that he’ll go out of his way to make sure I live through this pointless stunt when he can’t be bothered to lift a finger to help millions of people dying from disease or starvation. It’s not humility, it’s absolute arrogance.

Comments

  1. says

    I really, really, really want this “God” gig. If something good happens, you get the credit. If something bad happens, well, it was really something good, but we just don’t understand how. Much better than my current job where if something good happens, nobody cares and if something bad happens they’re on you like a ton of bricks.

  2. lldayo says

    And God dost answered thusly, “You friggin’ moron! I created the heavens and the EARTH for a reason! Get your ass back to dry land!”

  3. matty1 says

    For it is written:

    “‘He will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you carefully;
    they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”
    Jesus answered, “It is said: ‘Do not put the Lord your God to the test.”


    Luke 4:1-13

    So it would be wrong for Jesus to rely on his Dad to stop him falling but it’s OK for this guy?

  4. Synfandel says

    What would that say about God’s priorities other than that they are incredibly warped?

    You really don’t get this stuff, do you Ed? It would say that God’s ways are inscrutable. Duh!

  5. Larry says

    I watched bits and pieces of this on Sunday and his mumblings to jebus were highly annoying to the point where I had to mute the sound. It was an impressive stunt and obviously required intense concentration throughout but his success was due to his training and the people who engineered and installed the cable, not a mythical sky fairy.

  6. says

    I watched it. He was using it as a mantra to keep his concentration.

    Could just as easily have been “Please Marilyn Monroe. Thank you, Marilyn. Praise Marilyn.”

    I found it fascinating that someone could be that obviously terrified and still manage to pull the stunt off. The guy’s an adrenaline junkie, for sure.

  7. says

    I think Kevin has it right: it’s one of the instances when prayer does “work”.
    Not through any silly goD thingy, but it obviously calmed him (and probably went down better on the telly than screaming “Ooooofuckofuckofuckofuck…” all the way across).

  8. says

    Ed, you just don’t get it. The millions of people starving to death didn’t pray hard enough or they prayed to the wrong god. So it’s entirely their fault! If only they believed in Jesus enough to walk across the Grand Canyon on wire, they’d have plenty to eat. In fact, Wallenda didn’t even show enough faith. If he truly loved Jesus, he would have walked across the canyon barefoot with no safety gear and no wire, just his faith that Jesus would carry him across.

  9. lancifer says

    I found myself starting to root for him to fall after hearing the mindless “Thank You Jesus. I praise You Jesus. Please calm the winds Lord.” bullshit.

    But I really didn’t want to see a guy plunge to his death with his family and millions of people watching. And as pointed out buy others, if he had fallen he would have been a martyr and the Lord wouldn’t have been blamed.

  10. lancifer says

    Also if Jebus gets all of the credit why did Nik need that big pole. He should have been chanting “Thank you big pole. Praise goes to you big pole.”

  11. says

    “Gomez and Dave” on the Syracuse, NY morning drive-time show @TK105 put Wallenda’s “mantra” and added Meg Ryan’s fake orgasm from “When Harry Met Sally”. THAT got them some KKKristian LOVE hatemail.

  12. Sastra says

    But in reality, he’s doing the exact opposite. He’s saying, “God loves me so much, I’m so ultra special that he’ll go out of his way to make sure I live through this pointless stunt when he can’t be bothered to lift a finger to help millions of people dying from disease or starvation. It’s not humility, it’s absolute arrogance.

    But God only wanted Wallenda to live because his example will strengthen the faith of his viewers. And if Wallenda had fallen then that would have happened in order to strengthen the audience’s faith, too. Yes, it’s arrogance — the arrogance of faith. Nothing matters except whether or not you can find a way to spin any result into confirming your trust in God — and showing the way to others. It’s the reason everything happens for..

  13. busterggi says

    The repeated prayers got rapidly annoying but what was obvious was that he was terrified and begging for his life – no sign of trust in Jesus or confidence in divine love.

    Really a wonderful example of why the Christian heaven where one must god forever is really hellish.

  14. andrewkiener says

    Man, I miss Evel Knievel. You always got the feeling he had a flask inside those leathers, and that he might drop a couple f-bombs on air and then beat up a reporter. This Wallenda guy just doesn’t get it.

  15. grumpyoldfart says

    I was so sure he’d come a gutser, I couldn’t bear to watch.

    Now that I’ve heard about his, “I love you dear sweet Jesus” routine, I’m glad I didn’t watch.

  16. chuckonpiggott says

    At one point Nik kept saying “oh yes Jesus, yes, yes, yes, Jesus.”
    I looked aver at my wife and asked if we haveing sex.
    You know Jesus has those extra holes. mmmmmm

  17. bones says

    The prayin’ to baby Jesus was the SECOND most annoying part of Wallenda’s highwire walk. Not to diminish from the feat, mind you, but the most annoying aspect was the lie that the walk crossed the Grand Canyon. Wallenda in fact walked across the gorge of the Little Colorado – a tributary canyon of the Colorado River, and not even on National Park land, but rather on the outlying Navajo tribal lands to the east of the park. Discovery Channel was complicit with the lie, which really grated on some of the local Navajos.

  18. dingojack says

    Nah god loves Kurt Wallander*.
    (It’s just god’s too vain to buy glasses and/or borrow the large print)….
    Dingo
    ——-
    * he likes all that Scandonoir. But I have it on good authority that he’s not so into The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

  19. says

    The original Swedish produced “Wallander” was superb. I like Kenneth Branagh’s acting but the show just made more sense in scandahoovian.

    “TGWTDT” was also great (at least for me). It moved glacially at times but I liked the way it scanned. I’ve not seen the Daniel Craig version (fuck you, Netflix, you fucking fucker!) but if it’s anything like the movie version of “Archangel” I think it’s a waste of his talent.

    As mentioned by others, the Wallendas have a checkered relationship with their GOD. He must have been fairly pissed at them at times. So, maybe what Nik was doing was more in the nature of giving the school bully his lunch money.

  20. dingojack says

    Democommie – having seen both versions of Wallender, I think both have their good points.
    I’d love to know who did the make-up for the English version. They managed to make Kenny always look like death slightly chilled (but not shaken). Pasty, stubbley and with red-rimmed eyes in huge dark bags (as if Branagh hadn’t slept for a month or more). Fantastic.

    I found TGWTDT very, very difficult to read for a number of reasons:
    A) Glacial pacing (as you noted)
    B) A plot that left me going ‘nuh, uh!’ every couple of pages
    and
    c) The tendency to shout at least three times a page ‘SEE, SEE! SEE HOW COOL & CLEVER I”M BEING!!’
    Kinda of a turn-off, which was a shame since a lot of my friends recommended it to me.*

    Dingo
    ——–
    * Although one person I know called it (unfairly I think) ‘Dan Brown trying write in the style of William Gibson’. It’s not nearly as dire as that. I would certainly recommend it to others, with the caveat: ‘I didn’t really like it, but you might well love it. It’s that kind of novel’.

  21. kermit. says

    ArtK I really, really, really want this “God” gig. If something good happens, you get the credit. If something bad happens, well,
    .
    Raised a Southern Baptist, I was assigned the opposite role: if I did well in something, I was expected to praise Jesus, but if anything I touched went wrong, it was my fault

  22. pianoman, Heathen & Torontophile says

    So Nik: Jesus is supposed to “calm those winds” for you but not, you know, stop that tornado that killed all those people in OK a short time ago?

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