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Jun 11 2013

Dumbass Quote of the Day

The litany of batshit insane statements from E.W. Jackson, a far-right preacher who is now the Republican candidate to be the next lt. governor of the state of Virginia, continues to grow. The National Review has some excerpts from a book he wrote, including this one:

[M]ost people are dead spirits. As such they have the nature of Satan who does not want to have anything to do with God or anyone related to Him. Of course they are not aware that they are imbued with the nature of Satan. They would be mortified by the idea of becoming Satanists or devil worshippers. Satan benefits far more from people who do not know they serve him than from those who knowingly bow to him. Your spirit was made for attachment. It is either attached to God or to Satan, but it is not neutral, no matter how much people think themselves to be…

When one hears the word meditation, it conjures an image of Maharishi Yoga talking about finding a mantra and striving for nirvana. . . . The purpose of such meditation is to empty oneself. . . . [Satan] is happy to invade the empty vacuum of your soul and possess it. That is why people serve Satan without ever knowing it or deciding to, but no one can be a child of God without making a decision to surrender to him. Beware of systems of spirituality which tell you to empty yourself. You will end up filled with something you probably do not want.

Yeah, you might end up being filled with a lifetime supply of stupid and crazy, like Jackson. Oh, and there’s this one too. Jackson is also a prosperity gospel preacher:

We live in the most interesting times in human history. These are the days spoken of in Scripture, the days of fulfillment. This is therefore an era of unprecedented spiritual activity on both sides as the conflict races to a head. Those who are in Christ are on the winning side. Part of what must happen during this period of great harvest for the kingdom of God is a massive wealth transfer. It is not going to happen by theft or governmental policy. It is going to happen supernaturally. Those invested in God’s market are going to reap a windfall. Make up your mind now to buy in.

Yes, Christians — at least the right brand of Christians — are going to all get rich now. Wait, they aren’t? I’m shocked.

34 comments

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  1. 1
    theschwa

    “[M]ost people are dead spirits.” A spirit that is also dead? So 2 levels of dead?
    Wow, it’s like The Sixth Sense meets Inception!

  2. 2
    Bronze Dog

    “[M]ost people are dead spirits.” A spirit that is also dead? So 2 levels of dead?
    Wow, it’s like The Sixth Sense meets Inception!

    Let me tell you about Homestuck.

  3. 3
    John Pieret

    Wow. Even the National Review is noticing how kooky Jackson is. Can the voters of Virginia (and the equally crazy Ken Cuccinelli) be far behind?

  4. 4
    D. C. Sessions

    Of course they are not aware that they are imbued with the nature of Satan.

    So for instance, if he were challenged as to whether he has a Satanic nature, he would insist that he doesn’t.

    QED

  5. 5
    Pierce R. Butler

    E.W. Jackson – making Ken Cuccinelli look sane since June 2013!

  6. 6
    Moggie

    Those invested in God’s market are going to reap a windfall. Make up your mind now to buy in.

    And don’t forget to short Allah!

  7. 7
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Those invested in God’s market are going to reap a windfall.

    And these beans are magic, give me your cow.

  8. 8
    Modusoperandi

    That is why people serve Satan without ever knowing it or deciding to, but no one can be a child of God without making a decision to surrender to him. Beware of systems of spirituality which tell you to empty yourself. You will end up filled with something you probably do not want.

    Take that, Gandhi!

  9. 9
    mithrandir

    This sort of “spiritual warfare” claptrap has been a staple of freelance evangelical churches for a long time. At the church I used to go to, there was a guy who gave a talk in which, among other things, he explained that spiral symbols are demonic. (He was also a creationist used the “I used to be an atheist” line. Even by then, I knew enough atheists in college that his stories about being an atheist didn’t add up.)

    There’s pretty much no way to debate with this sort of person – if you actually manage to make them question their position on any point, they interpret it as an “attack on their faith” and decide anything you say must be Satan-inspired.

  10. 10
    kantalope

    Must be some of that sophistimicated theology where emptying yourself and surrendering yourself are so different Saaaattaaan can only get in one way.

  11. 11
    baal

    E.W.Jackson is a witch and until or unless he denies the same in a TV commercial, I will not believe him.

  12. 12
    aaronbaker

    “Spiritually dead” was a commonplace among the Charismatic Christians I hung out with college. To their credit (and they were decent people), none of them ever fell for the Gospel of Prosperity.

  13. 13
    John Pieret

    there was a guy who gave a talk in which, among other things, he explained that spiral symbols are demonic

    Nautiluses are Satanic?

  14. 14
    D. C. Sessions

    Nautiluses are Satanic?

    Could be. Certainly a lot of galaxies are.

  15. 15
    busterggi

    If one is spiritually dead then one cannot suffer eternal torment in Hell therefore Jackson is reputing the bible and must hate Jesus!

  16. 16
    raven

    Could be. Certainly a lot of galaxies are.

    If spirals are a demonic symbol, it is hopeless.

    We live in the Milky Way galaxy. Which is a barred spiral galaxy.

    Maybe all the xians will move to the Large Megallanic Cloud now.

  17. 17
    D. C. Sessions

    Maybe all the xians will move to the Large Megallanic Cloud now.

    I think the Mormons have prior claim.

  18. 18
    coragyps

    “Your spirit was made for attachment”

    I thought it was staples that were made for attachment. Or pdf files.

    I’m so confused now.

  19. 19
    Olav

    Ed:

    The litany of batshit insane statements from E.W. Jackson

    Off-topic, I know, but American/English is not my first language and idioms like “batshit insane” do not cease to amuse me. Who ever decided that the excrement of bats is insane or crazy, where does this saying originate?

  20. 20
    velociraptor

    @ Olav

    A person who is batshit crazy is certifiably nuts. The phrase has origins in the old fashioned term “bats in the belfry.” Old churches had a structure at the top called a belfry, which housed the bells. Bats are extremely sensitive to sound and would never inhabit a belfry of an active church where the bell was rung frequently. Occasionally, when a church was abandoned and many years passed without the bell being rung, bats would eventually come and inhabit the belfry. So, when somebody said that an individual had “bats in the belfry” it meant that there was “nothing going on upstairs” (as in that person’s brain). To be BATSHIT CRAZY is to take this even a step further. A person who is batshit crazy is so nuts that not only is their belfry full of bats, but so many bats have been there for so long that the belfry is coated in batshit. Hence, the craziest of crazy people are BATSHIT CRAZY.

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=batshit+crazy

  21. 21
    raven

    OT but speaking of Death Spirals.

    The Nashville-based Southern Baptist Convention claims 16 million members, but recently announced that membership declined in 2012 for the sixth straight year.

    Even the fundies, not known for noticing reality have figured it out.

    It’s going to be a slow process. US xianity is on trend to go below 50% of the population in a few decades.

    The death throes are going to be interesting and possibly vicious

    PS A lot of churches used to put out press releases about their annual meetings, number of churches, number of members and so on. They are doing this less and less often these days. It usually bad news for them and fewer care anyway.

  22. 22
    Olav

    Thank you, Velociraptor, for the explanation. Even better than I hoped.

  23. 23
    thecalmone

    @20/VELOCIRAPTOR – Similar origin to the fine old Australian expression “he’s got kangaroos loose in the top paddock,” then!

  24. 24
    lclane2

    My guess is that most people would be perplexed if asked whether spirits are natural or supernatural. They would likely resolve their quandary by suggesting that some spirits are natural and others are supernatural. Vitalism is alive and well today, but believers don’t recognize their beliefs as such.

  25. 25
    Doug Little

    Beware of systems of spirituality which tell you to empty yourself. You will end up filled with something you probably do not want.

    He is definitely full of something that most people do not want, maybe he needs to seek a spirituality that will empty him of it.

  26. 26
    Robert B.

    there was a guy who gave a talk in which, among other things, he explained that spiral symbols are demonic

    Anti-spiral! You should have introduced him to the drill that pierces the heavens.

  27. 27
    fifthdentist

    “Part of what must happen during this period of great harvest for the kingdom of God is a massive wealth transfer.”

    God’s a fucking Communist!

    God: Too liberal for America.

  28. 28
    dingojack

    I wonder if the Rev. is familiar with the pioneering work of Watson and Crick? :)

    OK then velociraptor (#20) why is batshit considered to be both slick and boring?

    thecalmone (#23) – if you’ve got kangas grazing your top paddock, you probably don’t have cows, sheep or horses up there. Normally they’re too timid, but in the breeding season they don’t play well with others.

    Doug Little (#25) – Is the Rev suggesting that satan is god’s spiritual enema?

    Dingo

  29. 29
    democommie

    “E.W.Jackson is a witch and until or unless he denies the same in a TV commercial, I will not believe him.”

    What? You think that SATAN can’t buy himself some ads? I actually think he’s in charge of MOST advertising.

    @25 :

    I have an appointment for a consult with a GI doc, prior to my upcoming colonoscopy. I been to that rodeo a few times and don’t really know why I need to go to Syracuse and waste half of my day so somebody can tell me to drink the blue, green or yellow Gatorade with a 2 weeks supply of Miralax dissolved in it. Maybe that’s what Jackson really needs, a purge.

    As for “batshit crazy” (I prefer the alternate, “batshit KKKrazzee”) it may be related to the “study” done some years ago where caged small mammals were placed in caves used by large groups of bats and subsequently contracted rabies. This link:

    http://www.cavetexas.org/information/rabies.html

    mentions it.

  30. 30
    anubisprime

    Those who are in Christ are on the winning side.

    Well after over 2000 yrs that is not exactly apparent and is a blatant condemnation of the xtian insistence that their god can do anything because he is the biggest swinging dick in the valley…clearly not true…who would have guessed it?

  31. 31
    toro

    Has he been reading James Joyce’s Ulysses? Nah, couldn’t be! Still, I was reminded of this passage:

    Alexander J Christ Dowie, that’s my name, that’s yanked to glory most half this planet from Frisco beach to Vladivostok. The Deity aint no nickel dime bumshow. I put it to you that He’s on the square and a corking fine business proposition. He’s the grandest thing yet and don’t you forget it. Shout salvation in King Jesus. You’ll need to rise precious early you sinner there, if you want to diddle the Almighty God. Pflaaaap! Not half. He’s got a coughmixture with a punch in it for you, my friend, in his back pocket. Just you try it on.

  32. 32
    had3

    The real problem is that he’s so kooky he takes the public’s eye off the evil that is Kuccinelli. I fear it’s a rovian misdirect that results in a horrible governor for Virginia.

  33. 33
    caseloweraz

    Raven: “Maybe all the xians will move to the Large Megallanic Cloud now.”

    I don’t mean to demean all Christians, but E. W. Jackson and his ilk would probably feel more at home in the Small Megalomaniac Cloud.

  34. 34
    coffeehound

    It’s early in the campaign. I have a feeling there are lots of other tightly coiled little treasures he’ll be leaving on all our front lawns yet.

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