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Jun 09 2013

Fischer: Jesus = the Strong Nuclear Force

I think the Discovery Institute had better get ahold of Bryan Fischer and have him write a chapter for one of their “intelligent design” textbooks. The noted physicist told his listeners that we finally know now what holds the nucleus of atoms together: Jesus.

26 comments

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  1. 1
    Johnny Vector

    He stole that from an old Chick tract I remember from high school.

  2. 2
    bachalon

    What’s up with this? I heard this claim made no less than 3 times this past week from the Christian radio station one of my co-workers has playing in the workshop. It’s still one of the stupidest lies I’ve ever heard.

  3. 3
    shouldbeworking

    AFAIK, the strong force is very short range, having no attraction for nucleons more than a few femtometres away. As I am many km away from JC and not in the least attracted to him or “his”church, the Jesus Force Farce must be true!

  4. 4
    Robert B.

    If that were true, wouldn’t the strong nuclear force be infinitely merciful, instead of brutally indifferent to humanity like all the other fundamental forces?

  5. 5
    Modusoperandi

    Robert B, your Nuclear Theology is all wrong. Try reading up on Protonestantism.

  6. 6
    Gregory in Seattle

    First off, we have known for decades what keeps the nucleus of an atom: the strong force holds quarks together to form hadrons such as protons and neutrons, and the oscillation of that force (but not the force itself) holds protons and neutrons together. While the strong force is incredibly strong, it has an incredibly short range. This is why large atoms are unstable: when the nucleus gets too big, the residual strong force does not have enough range to hold everything tightly together.

    So using Fischer’s “logic,” the US cannot be a Christian country: while the Jesus force is quite strong, it has an extremely short range. Something as vast as the United States cannot be held together for long with just the residual Jesus force; it should have undergone alpha decay into smaller countries long ago. Which can only mean that the size and success of this nation relies on some force other than Jesus. Personally, I favor the theory that the forces that hold this country together also include the residual Allah force, the residual JHVH force, the residual rational force and that newly discovered one, the residual FSM force, among many others.

  7. 7
    zippythepinhead

    Oh this world is at a tremble with its strength and mighty power
    There sending up to heaven to get the brimstone fire
    Take warning my dear brother, be careful how you plan
    You’re working with the power of God’s own holy hand

    Refrain: Atomic power, atomic power
    Was given by the mighty hand of God
    http://www.atomicplatters.com/more.php?id=33_0_1_0_M

  8. 8
    dingojack

    Is god gravity?
    Dingo

  9. 9
    lancifer

    Maybe he can explain to us how the Higgs boson ( the God particle) is really the Father of the strong nuclear force (Jesus) and then find the Holy Ghost particle to complete the nuclear Trinity.

  10. 10
    Sastra

    This is just more evidence that religious and spiritual people really, really do not understand “energy.” They think it either is or includes the “power of the mind.”

  11. 11
    fifthdentist

    And in China there was much rejoicing as they moved their timetable for enslaving the round eyes up by 20 years.

  12. 12
    markr1957

    Is god gravity?

    That would certainly explain why religions suck.

  13. 13
    Taz

    Teach the controversy!

  14. 14
    Draken

    I thought the residual FSM force is what gives pasta its unique consistency which makes it perfect for human digestion. It was first discovered by Al Dente, who unfortunately missed the Nobel Prize for cuisine on account of a freak accident with a beer volcano.

  15. 15
    kantalope

    This god of the gap is filling a really small gap now, about 3 femtometers or less. What happens when there is only a planck length left to fill?

  16. 16
    anubisprime

    dingojack @ 8

    Is god gravity?

    Well the discovery institute were flirting at one time with the premise that Gravity should be actually called..”Intelligent Falling”
    God was not specifically mentioned of course just heavy innuendo and a lot of wink wink know what I mean nudge nudge… that the bearded one was the wizard behind the curtains on that aspect of physics.
    It was pretty banal stuff even by the Discovery institute standards, just a lobbed stink bomb really!

    It was a meme that did burn bright and incandescent for a short while though on the cyber ways…all the jeebus fans were tumbling over themselves to stick that one to the man when it bubbled to the top of the cess pit of cretinist desperation!…they were so pleased with themselves it was so cute!

    Then after about a few weeks of hysterical laughter from literally the world on the t’inta’tubes it sunk again without trace!

  17. 17
    caseloweraz

    But that would mean…

    that nuclear fission is caused by Satan!

    O M G

  18. 18
    grasshopper

    “Proponents of quantum woo are affected by the interaction of neural-energy and their natural bozon field, which results in the creation of one moron and the decay of two neurons. The moron has a half-life of 42 years. ”

    I posted the above at the RationalWiki site getting on to 10 years ago. The editors must still be on their coffee break.

    It seems apropos.

  19. 19
    Electric Shaman

    So wait, Jesus has been around forever right? Created the universe and all that? Or was that his dad? I get confused on what the difference is sometimes. Anyways, it took until just NOW for the fundamentalists to use Jesus as the explanation for what holds the nucleus together? And I here I was believing that fundamentalists were more predictable than the law of gravity.

  20. 20
    d.c.wilson

    Anyways, it took until just NOW for the fundamentalists to use Jesus as the explanation for what holds the nucleus together? And I here I was believing that fundamentalists were more predictable than the law of gravity.

    Cut them some slack. They’re still getting used to the concept that matter is made up of atoms instead of the four elements: earth, air, fire, and water.

  21. 21
    Electric Shaman

    Yeah I suppose I am being a bit harsh. I suppose it would take a decade or so to recover from the cruel realization that after all the time and effort they put into forging their respective earth, air, fire, water and heart power rings that they still could not get a superhero to appear. Which of course we would have to presume they believed would be Jesus.

  22. 22
    bobcarroll

    He’s a bit behind the times with this ridiculous conclusion. Johnny Vector@1 is correct, Jack Chick beat him out by about 50 years with his magnum opus, “Big Daddy.”

  23. 23
    Eoin

    @dingojack: “Is God gravity?”

    Altogether now and channel your best inner Idina Menzel…

    It’s time to try
    Defying gravity
    I think I’ll try
    Defying gravity
    And you can’t pull me down!

  24. 24
    escuerd

    anubisprime @ 16:

    Wasn’t “intelligent falling” just something from The Onion?

  25. 25
    escuerd

    I didn’t know that this bizarre “Jesus holds the nuclei together” trope existed substantially outside of the “Big Daddy” Chick Tract. But it has been parodied before with Jebons: http://www.johnnylogic.org/?p=110

    Anyway, depending on who you ask, it seems like God is the strong interaction, the Higgs interaction, and/or gravity. I am sure someone has done it with electromagnetism too. Too obvious a force. But has anyone bothered with the weak interaction yet (unless you want to count electroweak as one)?

    The interaction is mediated by three bosons. I’m sure someone can awkwardly force some parallel with the Trinity out of their ass. Uh oh, hopefully no one tells them that the strong nuclear force has three “charges”. Maybe that’d just be treated as heresy if their sophisticated hermeneutics indicates that only Jesus is involved. Serious business and all that.

  26. 26
    Woof

    Age-old question of how protons in the nucleus stay together? Guess what, dipshit – protons were discovered less than 100 years ago.

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