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Who’ll Stop the Rain for Obama?

In case you had some doubts as to whether the wingnuts could lose their mind over something even more petty, stupid and hypocritical than that “fallen eagle” nonsense last week, I present to you: Umbrellagate. The latest right wing freakout is over a Marine on President Obama’s detail holding an umbrella to keep the rain off him during a press conference. Jim Hoft, the dumbest man on the internet, gets the ball rolling:

Barack Obama loves the troops… To hold his umbrella.

Then he doubles down with a second post and says that “even the queen holds her own umbrella…but not Barack.” The denizens of Free Republic chime in with their usual charm:

Why? Because he’s a pussy ass foreign born unconstitutionally elected communist faggot…

Holy shet, I cannot convey how much this ticks me off, it’s impossible. If this subhuman piece of pig vomit was ANY kind of a man, he could have quite easily held the umbrella HIMSELF. But being that he’s such a narcissistic dooshbag, and probably because he wanted to impress the Islamo to his right, he chose instead to ATTEMPT to humiliate this hero: This Marine whose air Obama isn’t fit to breathe much less stand next to…

This should be the icing on the cake for anyone that gave this man (and I use that term very lightly) even a scintilla of the benefit of the doubt!

This poor Marine has been embarrassed in front of the entire country!

Mr. Obama, you sir are an embarrassment to this great republic. And, as you have no scruples, no shame, no morals, we can’t even expect you to do the manly thing and step down.

To you, sir, the soldier who was forced by the commander-in-chief to lower yourself to do his bidding, I take it upon myself to apologize for all whom you serve to say, thank you for your service, and we are very sorry you were put in that position.

By the way, it is illegal to order a marine to hold an umbrella!…

obamma is queer. they touch guys. they git guys to do personal stuff for them. whatever…

If it were George W. Bush, HE would be holding the umbrella for the MARINE.

Psst. Guys…

umbrellagate

Seriously, the well of stupidity and hypocrisy is absolutely bottomless. But to be fair, none of the other presidents who had Marines hold umbrellas for them were black.

Comments

  1. scienceavenger says

    In some ways I like this. By ranting and raving about everything Obama does, esecially the obviously silly like this, they create a deafness in much of their intended audience, and erode their own credibility, assuming they have any left.

  2. iknklast says

    none of the other presidents who had Marines hold umbrellas for them were black

    And none of them were Democrat. A double-whammy, I’m betting if it were Alan Keyes, they probably wouldn’t be screaming, because he’s a Republican (therefore an honorary white).

  3. mill says

    See?! Right there! George W. Bush is “holding the umbrella for the MARINE”. I’m pretty sure he’s holding it by clenching his shoulder blades. And it was extra nice of him to let the MARINE rest his hand on his shoulder. Swell guy. We should give him a call.

  4. says

    And if President Obama had held his own umbrella while making a prearranged speech, the usual suspects would be calling him out for looking “silly” and “unpresidential” trying to hold an umbrella, stand at the podium, and rhetorically gesticulate all at the same time. No one tell them what a “body man” is.

  5. kantalope says

    To be fair, those other people holding the umbrellas are Army and that one guy probably Secret Secret Service? not Marine Corps…and well Marines are the better guys.

    Totally not biased,
    Kantalope

    I mean look, the Marine is even smart enough to have a hat that keeps his face dry! Those Frenchyfrench berets won’t keep you dry.

  6. Christoph Burschka says

    Well, it sort of looks as though it is attached to her hat. Does that count?

  7. lofgren says

    I would be honored to hold the president’s umbrella so that he could read his speech.

  8. reasonbe says

    Please explain why this crap and stuff like it doesn’t qualify as “hate speech” in the legal sense, as it is transparently attempting to incite violence or prejudicial action. It’s not just my thin-skinned self that takes deep offense at this bs. I can hope that only 7-9 people on the planet read it, and fewer than 1% of those are moved to violence.

  9. says

    reasonbe wrote:

    Please explain why this crap and stuff like it doesn’t qualify as “hate speech” in the legal sense, as it is transparently attempting to incite violence or prejudicial action.

    Because in this country, there is no such thing legally as “hate speech.” Never has been. And it isn’t even remotely close to meeting the legal standard for inciting violence.

  10. says

    @10
    Race is in the picture. Race has always been in the picture. When people claim that Obama is “foreign born” they are not doing so for any reason other than race.

  11. naturalcynic says

    I would be honored to hold the president’s umbrella so that he could read his speech.

    And I’m sure that that Marine feels the same way.
    wingnut:

    To you, sir, the soldier who was forced by the commander-in-chief to lower yourself to do his bidding, I take it upon myself to apologize for all whom you serve to say, thank you for your service, and we are very sorry you were put in that position.

    If you, Mr. Dummfukk K. Wingnut, apologized to that “soldier” in that way, he would probably inform you, in stern words, that he is a Marine, not a soldier.

  12. AsqJames says

    I know it’s just one small piece of incredible stupidity amidst a whole screed of imbecility, but…

    By the way, it is illegal to order a marine to hold an umbrella!…

    Um, it is? Someone probably ought to bring out a new edition of this book. From the amazon description:

    Did you know…

    ? Naples, Italy, enforces laws for what constitutes real pizza, and “pizza police” visit restaurants to crack down on unlawful pies?
    ? In West Virginia it is a crime to display or possess a red or black flag?
    ? It is illegal to sell stuffed articles depicting female breasts within a thousand feet of any county highway in California?
    ? Spherical fishbowls have been banned in Rome since 2004?

  13. naturalcynic says

    Ed: This is a case of “hate speech” – a prime example of it. Said [or written] with hate and venom. It just cannot be defined as Hate Speech in a legal sense under the First Amendment.

  14. scienceavenger says

    Dude, is there any need to bring race into the picture?

    No, no there isn’t. So please go tell the people accusing Obama of being a Kenyan-born Muslim Arab usurper to quit bringing it into the picture, and we’ll be done with the issue.

    See, here in the south, we have a word for “Kenyan-born Muslim Arab usurper”. It begins with an “N”. But Obama’s enemies know they can’t use that word in polite society, so they go with the long version.

  15. Ben P says

    By the way, it is illegal to order a marine to hold an umbrella!…

    I feel like this must have somehow come out of the rather arcane rules on when Marines are supposed to wear hats and salute. IIRC Marines follow the British protocol and only salute when wearing hats, whereas the Air Force and Army do not. Likewise, I believe under dress code regulations, a marine outside, under cover, is supposed to have his right hand free, in order to be able to salute, unless he is carrying a rifle.

    But I don’t think this has any bearing on what the Marine may or may not be ordered to do.

    Ed: This is a case of “hate speech” – a prime example of it. Said [or written] with hate and venom. It just cannot be defined as Hate Speech in a legal sense under the First Amendment.

    You can consider the speech as hateful as you want, but the point is that there is no such thing as “hate speech” under US law. What many countries consider “hate speech” is expressly protected under the first amendment. the only thing remotely similar in the US is the “fighting words” doctrine, and those are words that can cause “imminent lawless action” on the part of the recipient. Even that doctrine is fairly narrow.

  16. Taz says

    the soldier who was forced by the commander-in-chief to lower yourself to do his bidding

    Damn straight! It’s unthinkable that a soldier is forced to follow the orders of someone higher up in the command structure! What kind of military are we running here?

  17. says

    By the way, it is illegal to order a marine to hold an umbrella!…

    It is (as I remember from my time in the Army [mumble] years ago) against regulations for a male soldier in uniform to use an umbrella. Of course, if you receive an order from a superior officer to hold an umbrella for, as an example, a civilian guest at the base, there is no violation of the regulation. The marine above is clearly not violating the regulation, if for no other reason, because he is not using the umbrella.

    It was a dumb regulation [mumble] years ago and remains so now. Female soldiers are permitted to use umbrellas (except while in fatigues).

    It must be tough to spend all your time manufacturing faux outrage.

  18. lofgren says

    Of all of the things that the Commander in Chief of the US military can’t order a marine to do, somebody thought to add “hold an umbrella” to the list? Can we get “assassinate American citizens” added to this list somehow?

  19. kermit. says

    Wonkette asks her older brother about this, who is a US Marine, who gently suggests that obeying the commander-in-chief is not demeaning to a soldier, nor even a marine:http://tinyurl.com/bbjcjmy
    .
    A short sample:
    .
    He started yelling. A lot. “I GUARANTEE YOU!” he yelled, “IF THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF GIVES YOU A LAWFUL ORDER YOU FOLLOW THE MOTHERFUCKING LAWFUL ORDER. IF THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF WANTS AN UMBRELLA YOU BETTER BELIEVE A WHOLE FUCKING GRIP OF JARHEARDS ARE GONNA BE HIGH-STEPPING TO BRING HIM A MOTHERFUCKING UMBRELLA!”

    And then he warmed up. “IN FACT! THE REAL FUCKING SCANDAL IS THAT THE CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF WASN’T THE ONE HOLDING IT. ‘YOU! CHAIRMAN OF THE JOINT CHIEFS! HOLD MY MOTHERFUCKING UMBRELLA!’”

  20. jamessweet says

    In some ways I like this. By ranting and raving about everything Obama does, esecially the obviously silly like this, they create a deafness in much of their intended audience, and erode their own credibility, assuming they have any left.

    The problem is that it creates a smokescreen for legitimate criticism. When people then criticize Obama for drone strikes, abuse of executive privilege, illegal wiretaps, etc., some folks will say, “Pffft, that’s probably just like umbrellagate” and won’t listen. :(

  21. says

    Ben P @18

    IIRC Marines follow the British protocol and only salute when wearing hats, whereas the Air Force and Army do not.

    Back in the long ago day when I was in the Army, we did not salute when not “under cover” but that could have changed in the last [mumble] years.

    I believe under dress code regulations, a marine outside, under cover, is supposed to have his right hand free, in order to be able to salute, unless he is carrying a rifle.

    Female soldiers, as I noted above, are allowed to use umbrellas but are required to carry them in their left hands so they can salute.

  22. gshelley says

    Yeah, as soon as it was pointed out that other presidents have had soldiers hold the umbrella, the outrage morphed into it being the kind of soldier that held the umbrella (marine v some other kind), or to offence that it was going against something in the dress code (don’t hold an umbrella while wearing a white hat or something).
    What would have been a perfect opportunity to say “yeah, this was really stupid, I jumped on it without giving it any thought because my hatred of Obama blinded me and I just accepted what I read as it was negative” was passed up in favour of inane rationalisations.
    to the surprise of almost no one.

  23. ArtK says

    I particularly liked the fact that the Palinator got into the act, saying something on the order of “Americans carry their own umbrellas.” Of course, someone on the ‘net found a picture of her walking down an airplane stair with someone else holding an umbrella (mostly) over her head.

    Have the right become nothing more than outrage junkies? Grasping at anything no matter how trivial, in order to get a fix?

  24. slc1 says

    If the marine who was holding the umbrella was black, would that have made it OK for Hoft?:

  25. says

    @ArtK: I think you’re on to something: the right has become outrage junkies…and little else. It seems that outrage, hatred, anger, paranoia and bigotry are the only dishes they’ve been whipping up for the past 4+ years. Seriously…what else do they have now?

    And because their dishes aren’t selling like they used to and they find the tide’s turning against them, it seems that they’re literally losing their minds and frantically running off a cliff.

    I can only hope.

    BTW, thanks Ed. Posts like these are why I visit daily. Because, inevitably, I take one of these stories (this one being a perfect example), bring it up to the teabagger in-laws and coworkers with “Can you BELIEVE Obama is making soldiers hold his umbrella!?!?!” and then watch them literally go insane in a rabid lather of venom….letting them burn up for a while before moving in for the kill and slapping them upside the head with the denouement that, OH…here’s Saint Ronnie doing it….and George I, and George II, and Sarah Palin….

    ….bwahahaha. F***in morons.

  26. says

    “yeah, this was really stupid, I jumped on it without giving it any thought because my hatred of Obama blinded me and I just accepted what I read as it was negative”

    The y wouldn’t be able to work that out; the attention span of a wingnut (other than on teh HATINZ) is about the same as the half life of Darmstadtium.

  27. vaiyt says

    Why? Because he’s a pussy ass foreign born unconstitutionally elected communist faggot…

    Weak. I’ll count the “impress the Islamo” as an implied “Muslim”, but it’s still missing at least “Nazi”, “Feminist” and “Atheist” for the minimum count.

  28. says

    Typical. You miss the real story. That umbrella was the signal for the Feminist-Occupywallstreet-Atheist-Muslim-IRS-Newblackpanthers-Gayhomo Alliance to rise up and take this country from us Real Americans®.
    You say it won’t happen, but soon F.O.A.M.I.N.G. is coming for you!

  29. dan4 says

    I’m with Set @10. The double standard at play here is much more likely because Obama is a Democrat. They’d be fine with a Marine holding an umbrella over the head of a say, President Allen West (*shudders*) or a President E.W. Jackson (*shudders again*). This isn’t racism, it’s “partisanism.”

  30. dan4 says

    Anyway, what would have been wrong with Reagan, the Bushes, and Obama holding their own goddamn umbrellas?

  31. says

    dan4 “Anyway, what would have been wrong with Reagan, the Bushes…”
    Nothing.
     
    “…and Obama holding their own goddamn umbrellas?”
    I’m sure they could find some reason against it (“Doesn’t the usurper-in-chief have anything better to do than hold an umbrella?!”, “If Nobama’s holding the umbrella, won’t his teleprompter get wet?!”, “Do you know who else held his own umbrella? Hitler!”, etc).

  32. unalienablebytes says

    This poor Marine has been embarrassed in front of the entire country!

    Really? This detail is considered an honor.

  33. says

    As far as holding one’s own umbrella while giving a speech, I’m sure there are a shitload of photos of CEO’s and white, reptilican congresscritters doing exactly the same thing as what was being done by the presidents, including the BLACK ONE.

  34. frankb says

    Carter held his own umbrella I believe. So did Eisenhower (they didn’t have teleprompters in those days). Eisenhower spent the most years in the miltary before becoming Commander-in-chief and Carter was second. Coincidence, I think not.

  35. says

    I wonder what that thought coding, or whatever the hell he calls his bullshit, guy from Worldnutdaily would think of this. By his way of interpreting what Obama says asking for an umbrella should mean that Obama wanted the Marine to find the nearest body of water and drown him in it.

  36. Who Knows? says

    Dan4 @ 33,

    This isn’t racism, it’s “partisanism.”

    I don’t think so. What has been coming from the right towards Obama since his election is for the most part, racism. Yes, they are pretty good at disguising racism, however, many of them slip up. Like Bradlee Dean’s calling President Obama “boy.” That’s really blatant racism and that cannot be denied. But it is probably pretty tame compared to how they speak about President Obama among themselves, behind closed doors.

    The United States has a huge problem with racism and whether the outrage is over his citizenship, healthcare plan, or having a white man hold his umbrella, it’s about race.

  37. birgerjohansson says

    If the C-in-c simply got a rubber hat like the ones sailors are using* we would not be discussing this nonsense.
    For those who want a military touch use a stahlhelm, particularly the East German variety. Protects against raindrops, shrapnel and very big hailstones.

    *In Swedish it is called a “sydväst”, I don’t know what it is called in Merican.

  38. Thumper; Atheist mate says

    The Queen certainly does not hold her own umbrella. And I can’t recall ever seeing a President hold their own umbrella. And how is this humiliating for the Marine? Dafuq?

    I particularly liked this one:

    By the way, it is illegal to order a marine to hold an umbrella!…

    PfffftBWAhahahaha!

  39. Olav says

    Birger:

    *In Swedish it is called a “sydväst”, I don’t know what it is called in Merican.

    This might surprise you: it is a southwester, or sou’wester.

  40. dingojack says

    Olav – I don’t know if Ed has that much influence over the Darwin Award committee…
    Dingo.

  41. doublereed says

    @28 slc1

    If the guy holding the umbrella was black, they would actually bring race into more blatantly, like calling Obama a racist.

    “What, white people aren’t even good enough to hold your umbrella for you?” “This is was clearly racial.” “Black people are a minority. You’re telling me it was just a coincidence that he chose a black marine to hold his umbrella?”

    Aw, I just made myself sad.

  42. anandine says

    My son went to St. John’s College in Annapolis, Maryland. It is across the street from one short section of the Naval Academy. Every year, the two colleges play croquet on St. John’s’ front lawn. (St. John’s has won something like 25 out of 30 times.) The year we went, each player from the Naval Academy had a plebe walking a little behind and beside him, holding a parasol to keep the sun off the player’s head.

    Maybe the Navy has different regs than the marines, or maybe parasols are treated differently than umbrellas.

    (If it had been raining, I would have called the same device an umbrella, but at the time it was being used “para el sol”. But then, “umbrella” means shade, so I don’t know; maybe parasols are single-purpose and umbrellas multipurpose. Or maybe it’s so trivial we’re all wasting our time just being here. At least the right wingers are getting some outrage to inflame their base, but those of us here get only a diminishing amusement at their antics. I”m retired and have nothing better to do with my time; what’s your excuse?)

  43. rr says

    George W. Bush is “holding the umbrella for the MARINE”. I’m pretty sure he’s holding it by clenching his shoulder blades

    Hmmm, I thought W wore his radio receiver between his shoulder blades. The radio with Cheney on the other end telling him what to say.

  44. says

    @rickdesper

    Race has always been in the picture in, like, a general sense? Or in the sense of Obama? Because honestly, I think that, for most people, the political hatred comes first and then the racism just sort of rides on the tailcoats of that.

    But whatever. What I just said was completely speculative and based on nothing but my own experience. I suppose I just get pissed off when people read ‘secret’ motives into things based on the exact same speculative BS I was spouting just a paragraph ago. If someone uses a racial slur to refer to our president or blames his policy decisions on his being black, then you know what? THEY’RE BEING RACIST. If they’re hating on him for making a marine hold his umbrella, then they might be stupid, but until they actually come out and SAY something racist, save your accusations, because the more people shout “racist!” the less seriously we ALL take REAL, cancerous racism.

    I mean, we can speculate all we want about the deep-seated racial motivations of Obama haters, but we could also blame their hatin’ on deep-seated sexual kinks. As long as we keep shouting “racist” when the situation is not explicitly based on race, we’re not much better than Freud.

  45. shay says

    Marines don’t carry umbrellas. That’s one of those mythic things that’s drummed into us from the beginning. Umbrellas are sissy things, I guess. At any rate, we don’t carry them. * I’ve never even seen a female Marine carry one and those stupid green bucket covers they wear turn to mush in the rain so they ought to.

    When ordered to hold one over the C in C’s head, however, we do.

    (*note that now I am a *retired* Marine, I carry an umbrella. If it’s raining and if I happen to remember to grab one before I leave the house. The spousal unit, also retired Marine, would probably rather be bitten by a cobra than carry an umbrella. This is either proof that he is a better Marine than I am, or that women are smarter than men).

    just an FYI — a cover is a hat.

  46. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    I particularly liked the fact that the Palinator got into the act, saying something on the order of “Americans carry their own umbrellas.” Of course, someone on the ‘net found a picture of her walking down an airplane stair with someone else holding an umbrella (mostly) over her head. – ArtK

    The conclusion is obvious: Palin’s not an American.

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