Quantcast

«

»

May 21 2013

The Greatest Conservative Rap Songs

Andrew Sullivan called my attention to the American Enterprise Institute’s list of the 21 “greatest conservative rap songs.” Let’s just say that it would not look out of place in The Onion. That they actually appear to be serious makes if it infinitely more amusing. To make the list, says author Stan Veuger, a song must “express support not just for pro-family social values, but also for small government and peace through strength.” So naturally, number 21 is from Justin Bieber:

21. Justin Bieber featuring Busta Rhymes – Drummer Boy (2011)

The first song on the list — ranked this low mostly because of its disregard for the second criterion mentioned earlier, musical quality — is a collaborative effort by teen idol Justin Bieber and past-his-heyday rapper Busta Rhymes. A cover of “The Carol of the Drum,” the classical Christmas song by Katherine Kennicott Davis, the song tells the story of a poor drummer boy who pays tribute to the baby Jesus (“Come they told me, pa rum pa pum pum / A newborn king to see, pa rum pa pum pum.”)

But this is not just an overt endorsement of the Gospel. When Mr. Bieber turns to discussing the policy implications of 1 John 3:17 (“But if anyone has the world’s goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God’s love abide in him?”), it is private charity, not government redistribution that he sees as the way forward:

It’s crazy how some people say, say they don’t care,

When there’s people on the street with no food; it’s not fair.

It’s about time for you to act merrily;

It’s about time for you to give to charity.

(..)

So I think some of you need to act bold;

Give a can to a drive, let’s change the globe.

This is what “asking the rich to pay their fair share” should look like — not coercion through the tax system, but an appeal to humanity’s moral core.

Words fail. And wait until you see #19 on the list:

19. Eminem – Role Model (1999)

Marshall Bruce Mathers III, better known by his stage name Eminem, grew up in Detroit, probably the single city to have been ravaged the most thoroughly by Democratic Party malfeasance and malgovernance. It should not come as a surprise, then, that this song from his major label debut, The Slim Shady LP, released during the Clinton administration, contains a vicious attack on the Clintons. In a mere four verses, he highlights Bill’s adultery and tenuous drug use claims, while also dedicating some choice words to his wife:

So if I said I never did drugs

That would mean I lie AND get f***** more than the President does

Hillary Clinton tried to slap me and call me a pervert

I ripped her f****** tonsils out and fed her sherbet (B****!)

This is, of course, not necessarily how a role model should sound, and Mr. Mathers acknowledges as much. Well aware of his own imperfections, he carefully explains that public figures are not per se examples to be followed, a message that should resonate with conservatives concerned about mainstream culture:

I get a clean shave, bathe, go to a rave

Die from an overdose and dig myself up out of my grave

My middle finger won’t go down, how do I wave?

And this is how I’m supposed to teach kids how to behave?

Yes, the 19th greatest conservative rap song of all time says of Hillary Clinton “I ripped her fucking tonsils out and fed her sherbet (BITCH!).” How the hell is this not a parody?

14 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Because you really can’t tell the difference between parody and serious from some mobs sometimes? Poes law?

    Rhetorical question literally answered?

  2. 2
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Oh and also not just you anyone and everyone applies to this does.

  3. 3
    slc1

    To make the list, says author Stan Veuger, a song must “express support not just for pro-family social values, but also for small government and peace through strength.

    \I don’t know what Bieber’s position is on peace through strength or pro-family issues unli9ke his mother who is a strident anti-abortionist, he appears to be a little wishy washy on abortion) but it is hard to consider him a small government fellow considering his strong endorsement of the single payer health system in Canada.

    http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/justin-bieber-talks-sex-politics-music-and-puberty-in-new-rolling-stone-cover-story-20110216

  4. 4
    Chaos Engineer

    This is really quite an impressive piece of web design. Not only did he spread this out over 21 pages, he put the “target=_blank_” attribute on each link, so that it would open a new browser tab every time you go to the next page. Oh, and there’s a different comment thread on each page.

  5. 5
    justsomeguy

    I’m just glad this guy had the mental capacity to write “Democratic Party” instead of the more conservatively-popular “Democrat Party.” Although I’m sure it’ll be edited without comment once they notice.

    Also: a song about an impoverished child paying tribute to a king is a wonderfully conservative “small government” paean? I suppose it’s nice of him to not try very hard to hide his feudalistic preferences.

  6. 6
    tommykey

    It’s funny reading lists that conservatives trot out of the top conservative movies, songs etc. I remember one movie list, I think it was in National Review some years ago, that cited the movie Aliens as a conservative movie. I was like “What? The primary villain in the movie is a greedy corporate official who puts profits ahead of the lives of his company’s employees and the Colonial Marines sent to ostensibly rescue them!” Yeah, maybe Aliens would be a conservative movie if Carter Burke succeeded in bringing the aliens past quarantine back to Earth and jettisoned the bodies of the surviving Marines into space.

  7. 7
    scienceavenger

    Justin Bieber raps…the bottom of the bottom of the barrel has surely been hit.

  8. 8
    doublereed

    Is Ayaan Hirsi Ali seriously working for these people???

  9. 9
    Nentuaby

    Also: a song about an impoverished child paying tribute to a king is a wonderfully conservative “small government” paean? I suppose it’s nice of him to not try very hard to hide his feudalistic preferences.

    Government doesn’t get much smaller than one dude with a fancy hat.

  10. 10
    John Horstman

    @5: That’s also a popular construction with radical Leftists/Progressives who recognize that the Democrat(ic) Party is entirely beholden to corporate interests and on a big authoritarian power kick in the interest of ‘national security’ and the ‘War on Terror’ and the ‘War on Drugs’. The Dems are WAY better than the Rebs, but they still suck a lot (in general).

  11. 11
    justsomeguy

    @9:

    Ah yes, I forgot. They don’t reject tyranny, they reject tyranny performed by someone who isn’t one of theirs.

  12. 12
    dan4

    “…small government and peace through strength.”

    This is kind of funny, since “peace through strength” comes from higher defense spending (i.e. bigger government).

  13. 13
    democommie

    “The Greatest Conservative Rap Songs.”

    What’s next, “Porn for JESUS”?

  14. 14
    Nick Gotts

    Is Ayaan Hirsi Ali seriously working for these people??? – doublereed

    Yes. Why is that surprising? She had similar views to those typical of the AEI before she moved to the USA.

Leave a Reply

Switch to our mobile site