Keyes Lies About Condoms

Alan Keyes seems to like the Talk to Solomon radio show, as he’s been a frequent guest over the last few weeks. Maybe it’s because Solomon gives him free reign to deliver his breathtakingly incoherent rants and tell lies. You know, like claiming that condoms have an 80% failure rate. He says letting a child have access to condoms is like giving them a gun to play Russian roulette. Worst analogy ever?

24 comments on this post.
  1. andrewkiener:

    Actually, the worst analogy ever is that a woman who’s had sex is like a chewed piece of gum. But this is close.

  2. blf:

    25 Funniest/Worst Analogies Ever Written in High School Essays:

    3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

    4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli [sic], and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

    5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

    6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

    22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

    23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

    24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

  3. composer99:

    But if the right to bear arms shall not be infringed, why shouldn’t we give guns to kids? I mean, they have the same rights as adults do.

  4. tbp1:

    @2: Don’t some (all?) of these come from the Bulwer-Lytton bad writing contest? I KNOW I’ve seen 3 before, and I think that’s where.

  5. slc1:

    Actually, according to Consumer Reports, the failure rate of condoms (at least in 2005 then their tests were conducted) was 2% to 5%. CR is a far more reliable source of information that clowns like Alan Keyes.

    http://sqzm14.ust.hk/condom-ratings-95.HTML

  6. coragyps:

    “CR is a far more reliable source of information that clowns like Alan Keyes.”

    A plugged-up and overflowing toilet in a Greyhound station will likely do OK in that competition.

  7. fifthdentist:

    “‘The only reliable way to prevent pregnancy is to not have sex at all, because, condoms? Ooh, very unreliable, condoms break all the time.’ Okay. I’ve been using these things for thirty-five years. I’ve never had one condom break. Either I’m the luckiest son-of-a-bitch who ever lived–and I’m not–or this is the most reliable product since the toaster.” — Bill Maher

    @ blf,
    Those examples still sound better than Dan Brown.

  8. Deen:

    Actually, according to Consumer Reports, the failure rate of condoms (at least in 2005 then their tests were conducted) was 2% to 5%

    Then again, the failure rate of teenager actually remembering to wear them may well be 80% in the US. But then, that’s what you get when you insist on abstinence-only sex ed.

  9. Sideshow Bill:

    @3, But if the right to bear arms shall not be infringed, why shouldn’t we give guns to kids? I mean, they have the same rights as adults do.

    The kids can’t have guns until they incorporate.

  10. Pierce R. Butler:

    … Solomon gives him free reign ,..

    Ed’s new assignment: to write on the blackboard, 100 times:

    Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, …

  11. kathyorlinsky:

    Maybe Alan Keyes should stop getting his condoms out of a box labeled ‘sandwich bags’.

  12. michaelbusch:

    @slc1 @5:

    That’s the perfect-use failure rate, measured as % chance of pregnancy in the first 12 months of use without combination with any other contraceptive method. The actual typical-use failure rate is about 15% (reference below). This means there is certainly room for improvement in public education about how to use condoms, but also means that condoms are very far from the best contraceptive method – although they and other barrier methods are very important for reducing STI rates.
    _
    Perhaps Keyes heard “condoms are 85% effective” (although that isn’t the right comparison to make) and thought he’d heard the exact opposite?
    _
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods

  13. richardelguru:

    Pierce R. Butler

    “‘… Solomon gives him free reign ,..’

    Ed’s new assignment: to write on the blackboard, 100 times:

    Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, Free rein, …”

    But it is possible… if that’s King Solmon

  14. robb:

    alan keyes uses condom logic. 80% of what he says is demonstrably unture.

  15. dingojack:

    richardelguru – according to iwl.me you write Rudyard Kipling!
    Next thing I’d adivse you bang on about is ‘The Whiteman’s burden’
    Dingo

  16. Homo Straminus:

    He says letting a child have access to condoms is like giving them a gun to play Russian roulette.

    Ah, but don’t you see! He’s just trying to teach boys it’s a good thing to shoot blanks!

  17. slc1:

    Re Michael Busch @ #12

    The CR figures reflect the failure of the condom itself due to breakage. Not all breakages will result in pregnancy as the woman may be in an infertile period at the time.

  18. lofgren:

    The CR figures reflect the failure of the condom itself due to breakage.

    The break may also be detected in time for the partners to improvise some other method of control, such as pulling out. In addition, there are other, less detectable ways for a condom to fail due to misuse, so not all pregnancies are the result of breakage and not all failures will be noticed unless they result in pregnancy.

    This is why the condom is unreliable. It requires two people, in the heat of the moment, to apply it properly each and every time (plus proper storage conditions). In a perfect world, condoms are extremely effective. In our world, where accidents happen all the time, you get those higher failure rates.

    Note too that the CS report of 2-5% is something that could happen to anybody, while the 15% failure rate depends on your personal circumstances. For example a person who has used condoms hundreds of times and whose partner is in an infertile stage of her cycle is highly unlikely to fail compared to a teenager using a condom for the first time with a partner who is currently ovulating.

  19. slc1:

    Re lofgren @ #18

    Prevention of pregnancy is only one of the considerations relative to condom use. According to Abbie Smith, who, as an HIV/AIDS researcher knows what she is talking about, condoms are 95% effective in preventing the spread of HIV-1, although much less effective in preventing the spread of HIV-2.

  20. gertzedek:

    IIRC, condoms alone have a ~75% real-use effectiveness rate, but that’s largely due to people just not using them. Perfect-use effectiveness goes up to ~99%, I believe.

  21. Nomad:

    This is a sore point with me. I went to a school that was not in the middle of the bible belt, we actually had real science in the science classes and no creationism or anything. With one exception. In my health class, which included sex ed, my teacher made a point of saying that his religion was opposed to sex before marriage, but he was going to tell us not to have sex before marriage for reasons that had nothing to do with his religion. Which was bullshit, of course he did it because of his religion. He just about made it abstinence only. For instance there was an assignment where we had to make a poster promoting not having sex before marriage. He did acknowledge that birth control existed, but he fudged things, like including an artificially high condom failure rate.

    This wasn’t official school curriculum, we basically had comprehensive sex ed from grade school on. But that one teacher had his own agenda and he wasn’t shy about pushing it. It still irritates me that he was able to basically set up his own mini abstinence only curriculum in a school that didn’t go in for that BS.

  22. lofgren:

    slc1,

    Certainly true, but condoms are by far the most common barrier method and only barrier methods prevent STD transmission. So it only really makes sense to compare condoms to other birth control methods.

  23. michaelbusch:

    @gertzedek @20:

    Again, referencing Wikipedia and its sources, typical-use failure rates for male latex condoms are ~15%/year. Perfect-use failure rates are ~2%/year.
    _
    You could quote that as “85% effective” and “98% effective”, but those numbers are misleading – what matters is the failure rate, and there is a huge difference between condoms’ ~15% failure rate and implants at ~0.05% or IUDs at ~0.2%.
    _
    Certainly there should be more public education on how to properly use condoms, to bring that typical-use failure rate down and reduce STI rates. But there also needs to be improved education about and availability of truly effective contraception.

  24. Bryan Leger:

    So……. Alan Keyes supports gun control? Somebody should really start advertising that, if he chooses to use that analogy.

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