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May 13 2013

Pat Robertson Warns of False Prophets

In the grand tradition of Glenn Beck telling his followers to beware of conspiracy theorists, Pat Robertson told 700 Club viewers that they should stay away from false prophets by checking their track record of success. My favorite part is his co-host saying that there so many people who are “self-appointed” prophets. Terri, all “prophets” are self-appointed.

Uh, Pat. Really? Are you sure you wanna go there? Didn’t you say that God told you Mitt Romney would win the 2012 election? Why yes, you did:

In fact, Pat, your track record is terrible. The Bible says you should be stoned.

24 comments

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  1. 1
    grumpyoldfart

    That Pat Robertson. He’s a real little scallywag sometimes, isn’t he?

  2. 2
    busterggi

    None of these big-name Christians buggers would still be alive if their followers took the bible seriously.

  3. 3
    dingojack

    Well especially if they were buggers, literally.
    :) Dingo

  4. 4
    Synfandel

    That’s Pat Robertson’s record, not his track record. A horse has a record at the track. The best performance by any horse at the track is the track record.

  5. 5
    raven

    In fact, Pat, your track record is terrible. The Bible says you should be stoned.

    Pat R. also predicted the imminent Second Coming/Apocalypse in the 1980′s.

    We are still waiting. Hmmm, well just about everyone has lost interest.

  6. 6
    John Pieret

    Hey! He profitsized prophesied that hurricanes would hit Florida and, by gum, they did!

    [snicker]

  7. 7
    Ace of Sevens

    Maybe he is stoned and that’s why he doesn’t realize he’s talking nonsense.

  8. 8
    richardelguru

    Damn you Ace of Sevens
    I wanted to say that…
    :-)

  9. 9
    meursalt

    “What is the fruit out of which this stuff is coming? What is the soil…?”

    It’s interesting that Pat gets the totally non-controversial traditional interpretation of the “fruits” passage exactly backwards. It’s not even really interpretation; that’s a straightforward passage, and he’s completely inverting it.

  10. 10
    cottonnero

    You know, most humans pass the mirror test at eighteen months.

  11. 11
    andrewkiener

    @ 4. …”the best performance by any horse…” Actually, the phrase “he has a track record” means a horse has run at a track previously, and thus there is some data to use in predicting the horse’s upcoming performance. Ed’s usage is basically correct.

  12. 12
    gertzedek

    Technically speaking, not all prophets are self-appointed. E.g., the prophet Elisha was appointed by Elijah.

  13. 13
    Mobius

    A complete lack of ability to see what he is saying applies to himself. Big surprise.

  14. 14
    vmanis1

    I’m reminded of the various Zen koans where the student claims to have achieved enlightenment, at which point the teacher hits him. And the student is then enlightened.

    I would be quite happy to enlighten Mr Robertson.

  15. 15
    Josef Mulroney

    pat robertson is fully aware of how full of shit he is. he doesn’t care, and he is making a lot of money while being full of shit and not caring.

  16. 16
    Matt G

    Well there goes another perfectly good irony meter. I need to start buying these things in bulk.

  17. 17
    Childermass

    He who is without sin, cast the first stone.

    Saved by a loophole.

  18. 18
    Ichthyic

    Well especially if they were buggers, literally.

    nope.

    just ask Ted Haggard.

  19. 19
    bad Jim

    No honor is without profit in its own country.

  20. 20
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    “You can dominate someone that way, you say “I have a message for you from the Lord…”

    The lack of self-awareness is staggering.

  21. 21
    democommie

    “the prophet Elisha was appointed by Elijah.”

    According to Elijah’s spokesperson, hmmm? {;>)

    “Well there goes another perfectly good irony meter. I need to start buying these things in bulk.”

    Or you could learn to turn them off, thus avoiding the EMP* that enemanates from Patty’s Piehole whenever you see his name in a post.

    * Egotistical Monomaniac Perfidy

  22. 22
    fifthdentist

    In related news, Bernie Madoff warns people to be aware of financial scammers.

  23. 23
    lancifer

    fifth dentist,

    My “related news” remark featured Ted Bundy warning of serial killers.

  24. 24
    thebookofdave

    Gack! Your post titles are producing spit-takes now. You should announce this month’s Bryan Fischer Award now. Pat Robertson is a tough act to follow.

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