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May 03 2013

Wingnut Screed of the Day

As the Boy Scouts of America prepare to change their policy that forbids any openly gay teenager from joining a troop (but maintain the ban on openly gay scout leaders), the bigots are simply losing their minds. This column by Ed Vitigliano of the American Family Association contains my favorite bit of wailing and gnashing of teeth over the matter:

It is Christianity versus secularism. Forget all pleasantries and appeals to fairness and tolerance and inclusivity, this is a war of ideologies – two mutually exclusive worldviews locked in a titanic struggle for supremacy.

For the tolerance gurus there is a secular morality that is just as absolute as that preached by any Bible-thumper behind a pulpit.

It is a pagan sexual ethic rooted in moral relativism with the taproot deeply embedded in Darwinian evolution. Its teachers have their own unbending laws cut into stone and pronounced from on high. Their prophets hurl jeremiads at the unrepentant, who are relegated to a this-worldly hell consisting of the drying up of corporate funding, the disdain and downright persecution of the civil state, banishment to the fringes on university campuses, and the sneering mockery of Hollywood.

For these pioneers of the brave new world, people who practice sodomy are the saints and Christians are the sinners. And humanist stormtroopers have spent the last 60 years hunting down and driving out the infidels.

Humanist stormtroopers…I like that.

48 comments

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  1. 1
    Ace of Sevens

    Secularists are moral absolutists who believe in moral relativism?

  2. 2
    Ben P

    It is a pagan sexual ethic rooted in moral relativism with the taproot deeply embedded in Darwinian evolution

    So is it…..pagan….or is it secular? I don’t get it.

  3. 3
    Gregory in Seattle

    “…. the bigots are simply losing their minds.”

    I see an unwarranted assumption here.

  4. 4
    baal

    Folks should marry whomever consents to it!
    No starvation for anyone!
    Equal pay for equal work!
    There’s Probably no god!
    Be good for goodness’s sake!
    Live while you can!
    Yeah Science!
    Think of the consequences!
    I’m happy to be me!

    I feel like such a damned stormtrooper now.

  5. 5
    georgelocke

    Are we moral relativists, or do we have moral codes inscribed in stone from on high? cmon, people, get your story straight.

  6. 6
    voidhawk

    These debate points — too accurate for theist people. Only Humanist stormtroopers are so precise…

  7. 7
    hunter

    “Their prophets hurl jeremiads at the unrepentant, who are relegated to a this-worldly hell consisting of the drying up of corporate funding, the disdain and downright persecution of the civil state, banishment to the fringes on university campuses, and the sneering mockery of Hollywood.”

    Translation: In the free marketplace of ideas, theocracy is really unpopular.

  8. 8
    Donovan

    Shit. He’s on to us. Now what?

    Also, can I take this stormtrooper mask off? Seriously, I need some Altoids if I’m going to wear this thing all day.

  9. 9
    dingojack

    Shorter Wing-nut screed:
    ‘Waaa, we wish we were allowed to these things again! Just like we used to do, back in the Dark Ages”.
    Dingo

  10. 10
    John Pieret

    No one expects the humanist stormtroopers …

  11. 11
    Gretchen

    For these pioneers of the brave new world, people who practice sodomy are the saints and Christians are the sinners. .

    No, people who practice sodomy are just people. As are Christians.

    And these two groups overlap, you know…

  12. 12
    noastronomer

    “…this-worldly hell…”

    Isn’t it one of the core tenets of christianity that this world is *supposed* to be unpleasant, but that one must endure it in anyway?

    Are the humanist stormtroopers* like Nazi stormtroopers or closer to Star Wars stormtroopers?

    Mike.

    * curiously spell check rejects ‘stormtrooper’ but ‘stormtroopers’ is just fine.

  13. 13
    doublereed

    It is a pagan sexual ethic rooted in moral relativism with the taproot deeply embedded in Darwinian evolution.

    I feel like I need to analyze this sentence more thoroughly to admire the beauty of its nonsense.

  14. 14
    whheydt

    What I find interesting about the current version of the proposed rule change is the idea that the BSA will permit openly gay scouts…and then kick them to the curb as adults who want to pass the lessons they learned by being in the program to the next generation. If a scout grows up, shouldn’t that be precisely the kind of scouting leader they *want*?

  15. 15
    noastronomer

    @georgelocke #5 : ‘ cmon, people, get your story straight.’

    If they were able to get their story straight they wouldn’t be in this mess.

    Mike.

  16. 16
    John Pieret

    For the tolerance gurus there is a secular morality that is just as absolute as that preached by any Bible-thumper behind a pulpit.

    So absolute morality as practiced by Bible-thumpers behind a pulpit is just as wrong as that of the humanist stormtroopers?

    Who knew?

  17. 17
    d.c.wilson

    These are not the moral absolutes you are looking for.

  18. 18
    Strewth

    voidhawk, d.c., I love you. I’m just saying.

  19. 19
    dingojack

    noastronomer – “can’t lie straight in bed” comes to mind.
    Dingo

  20. 20
    raven

    this is a war of ideologies – two mutually exclusive worldviews locked in a titanic struggle for supremacy.

    The common and outrageous lie of a fundie death cult moron.

    There aren’t two worldviews. There are hundreds, thousands, or millions depending on where you draw the lines. There could even be billions of worldviews if you count each person has having their own worldview.

    Ed Vitigiliano doesn’t have the same worldview as all xians. Not even most. He speaks for himself and a few wacko right wing extremists who pretend to speak for all xians but don’t.

    The xian worldviews are so different that they used to fight bloody wars over them that killed tens of millions. These days, since we took away their weapons and armies, they just spend a lot of time calling each other Fake xians while being the True Xians.

  21. 21
    raven42

    I guess that guy hasn’t gotten the memo that not all Christians are anti-gay. It’s not Christians vs. Secularists, it’s conservative fundamentalist Christians vs. basically everyone else.

  22. 22
    Chiroptera

    Vitigliano: forget all pleasantries and appeals to fairness and tolerance and inclusivity, this is a war of ideologies – two mutually exclusive worldviews locked in a titanic struggle for supremacy.

    Well, that’s refreshing. He just pretty much admitted his hostility to the basic principles of democratic society.

  23. 23
    raven

    It is Christianity versus secularism.

    Naw.

    Xianity has been on a downhill slide for centuries and lost to secularism long ago.

    It’s right wing extremists who are running out of things to publically hate that aren’t socially disproved.

    No hate = no fundie xianity

  24. 24
    democommie

    “Secularists are moral absolutists who believe in moral relativism?”

    And commieatheists, too, who say it’s every man for himself and you must WORSHIP Seitan*.

    * I’m pretty sure that wheatmeat was invented in hell and it’s what the serpent really gave to Eve (or was it Steve? the multiverse fucks me all up).

  25. 25
    Deen

    two mutually exclusive worldviews locked in a titanic struggle for supremacy.

    Thanks for at least admitting that you want supremacy.

  26. 26
    frankb

    Forget all pleasantries and appeals to fairness and tolerance and inclusivity, this is a war of ideologies

    I thought “tolerance” and “inclusivity” were bad words to them. Now this Ed guy is claiming that christians are tolerant and inclusive while humanists aren’t. That is quite a switch.

  27. 27
    Pierce R. Butler

    … humanist stormtroopers have spent the last 60 years …

    Ahh, 1953 – those were the days!

    One day all the history texts will note the gigantic breakthrough we made, when, uh, Stalin died and we were finally set free to really subvert the dominant paradigm!

  28. 28
    lldayo

    Next secular meeting we have I’ll have an excuse to wear my “Support The Troops” t-shirt with three stormtroopers on it :)

  29. 29
    TCC

    That is some premium word salad right there.

  30. 30
    raven

    … humanist stormtroopers have spent the last 60 years …

    More like the last 450 years.

    Those humanist stormtroopers are good but they aren’t that good.

    It all started to go wrong with the Reformation wars, which the Catholic church lost. It really got going with the Enlightenment. The American revolution put a huge dent in the biblical divine right of kings.

  31. 31
    Larry

    Because when it gets right down to it, you gotta be straight to tie knots.

  32. 32
    Brain Hertz

    …a this-worldly hell consisting of the drying up of corporate funding…

    Ok, that one actually made me laugh out loud.

  33. 33
    RickR

    two mutually exclusive worldviews locked in a titanic struggle for supremacy.

    Holy crap, this guy’s really got his grandiose persecution wank on!

    Fundie bigot:
    It’s Gandalf vs. the Balrog!!!111
    It’s the Rebels vs. the Empire!!!11!
    It’s Wolverine vs. his evil brother Victor!!!!!11
    It’s-

    Normal people:
    Some kids you don’t approve of wanna try Scouting. *shrug*
    Turn the DVD player off and put it back in your pants.

  34. 34
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Seek medical attention if your taproot is deeply embedded for more than four hours.

  35. 35
    busterggi

    “Humanist stormtroopers…I like that.”

    I don’t – those guys were useless in the original trilogy.

  36. 36
    jaytheostrich

    “two mutually exclusive worldviews locked in a titanic struggle for supremacy.”
    I don’t get it.. which is Godzilla again? Is it us? Please be us!

  37. 37
    Scientismist

    humanist stormtroopers have spent the last 60 years …

    Ahh, 1953 – those were the days!

    Wow — what historically ignorant irony that Ed Vitigliano actually picked that exact number. Exactly 60 years ago this month (May 27, 1953), Eisenhower issued Executive Order 10450 that authorized the anti-gay witch hunts that drove homosexuals out of government or into hiding, destroying the lives of thousands over the next several decades (the “Lavender Scare”). The purge was led by that paragon of American virtue (and sociopathic self-loathing cross-dresser), Herbert Hoover. I am sure he must be considered a saint by the American Family Homophobia Association.

  38. 38
    Raging Bee

    “Humanist stormtroopers?” The last military unit I know of that could be called that was our Normandy invasion force.

  39. 39
    brundlefly

    Okay, so I’ve signed up to be a Humanist Stormtrooper. Do I have to bring my own blaster rifle or will that be provided?

  40. 40
    naturalcynic

    @37:
    Wow, did Herbert join with J. Edgar in his frivolities?

  41. 41
    oranje

    @busterggi: There was only one trilogy. There were only ever three Star Wars films, and they weren’t fucked with in 1997.

    *sticks fingers in ears* LALALALALALALALALA

  42. 42
    kermit.

    Well, at least Mr. Vitigliano won’t be fighting this moral war alone. He can take comfort knowing that the violent Jihadists will be at his shoulder, fighting their common enemy – those of us who want to treat our neighbors decently.

  43. 43
    slc1

    Re Scientismist @ #37

    Actually, J. Edger Himmler was more then a cross dresser. He was almost certainly a closeted gay man himself, which opened him up to blackmail. He was actually blackmailed by a New Jersey Congresscritter, Cornelius Gallagher, who was being investigated by the FBI for accepting bribes, Gallagher told Hoover acolyte Roy Cohn (himself a closeted gay man who eventually died of AIDS) that if Hoover persisted in the investigation he, Gallagher, would go on the House floor everyday during the afternoon free speech activity and accuse the director of being gay. The investigation of Gallagher, oddly enough, was called off. Of course, 10 years later, Gallagher was involved in the ABSCAM scandal, was convicted, and served a stretch in the slammer.

  44. 44
    Nemo

    Back in the real world, where “secularism” is not a synonym for “atheism”, but rather a stance of official neutrality towards religion — it can be hard on atheists, too. I mean, suppose I were a high-school biology teacher, trying to get the kids to understand evolution, and one of them came at me with a ham-fisted “Were you there?”. I couldn’t do the simplest, most obvious, and most true thing, and tell him that his religion is wrong; I’d have to tap-dance around the subject, defending evolution while avoiding anything that sounds like a criticism of his faith. It’s oppression, I tells ya.

  45. 45
    jnorris

    Oh Yeah! I loves me some “pagan sexual ethic rooted in moral relativism with the taproot deeply embedded in Darwinian evolution”. Come to Papa baby!

  46. 46
    jnorris

    This is the best postings I’ve read in a while. But, and you knew there was going to be a BUT, jaytheostrich, make fun of Godzilla at your own peril.

  47. 47
    democommie

    Begging Martin Niemoller’s pardon.

    “First, they came for the fundie morons.

    The end.”

  48. 48
    democommie

    OT–but who even knows what’s germane anymore, anyway, too, also.

    http://www.examiner.com/article/god-gesture-disqualifies-team-gesture-to-god-ends-team-s-disqualification

    and the fundies’ comments are, as always, predictable and moronic.

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