Quantcast

«

»

May 01 2013

Klingenschmitt Offers $1000 He Doesn’t Have

After the school board in St. John’s County, Florida decided not to adopt a policy allowing prayer at graduation ceremonies, our old pal Gordon Klingenschmitt, one of the truly bottom-feeding grifters on Planet Wingnuttia, is offering $1000 to any student there who will pray “in Jesus’ name” during their graduation ceremony. But first, he tells a lie:

The atheists are offering monetary incentives to students to discourage prayer and to incentivize giving a “free thought” atheist message at their high school graduation.

They are? Who is doing this, exactly? No one that I’m aware of.

So God gave me an inspired idea.

If atheists give money for students NOT to pray, why can’t we offer money to reward students who pray, if they’re courageous enough to pray IN JESUS’ NAME on the microphone at their own high school graduation? We can, and we will.

Our ministry is hereby offering a $1,000 scholarship to the FIRST high school student who prays either the Lord’s prayer (Our Father…) or says a sincere prayer ending “in Jesus’ name,” on the school microphone at his or her graduation ceremony in St. John’s County, FL school District #2.

There’s just one problem: He doesn’t have the money.

I don’t have $1,000 lying around, so I really need a few donors to help me issue this public challenge. Let us pray one Christian student has more courage than his superintendent, because that student really deserves our scholarship.

Gee, you’d think that if God gave him that “inspired idea,” he would also have given him the $1000. But then again, as George Carlin notes, God — or at least those who claims to speak for him — always seems to be short of cash.

28 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    Moggie

    Matthew 6:5-7:

    And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly. Unless someone is paying you at least one large, when verily it is totes proper that thou layest it on thick in public.

  2. 2
    Raging Bee

    Bribing people to add certain words to their public prayers? That’s the best advice his god had to offer him? Or did he have other things to say (like maybe about feeding the hungry or bringing peace to the Middle East), that Klingenschmitt just ignored because it was too complicated?

  3. 3
    rory

    The only thing I can guess is that it’s some kind of backward reference to Jessica Ahlquist and the scholarship. Because, you know, that’s what that was all about: a bunch of atheists giving her money to chase Jesus out of public school.

  4. 4
    heddle

    @Moggie

    Re Matt 6:5-7

    I utterly detest the embarrassing antics of Gordon Klingenschmitt and am 100% against prayer at public gatherings.

    But I feel compelled to point out that Matt 6:5-7 is not a prohibition against praying in public. If so, just based on what was recorded in scripture, Jesus violated it several times, the Apostle Paul over 20 times. As did Peter.

    Read carefully the prohibition is against praying in such a way as to be overheard by others. In my opinion, the best way to interpret this, giving the numerous occurrences of praying in public that I already mentioned, is that your personal prayer should done in private. For example, confessing your sins should be done in private–to do so in public is to exhibit pride in the form of false humility–a sort of street theater. However public prayers for the body, which are the examples we find in scripture (e.g., Jesus’ “high Priestly Prayer of John 17), are certainly not forbidden.

    They just shouldn’t be imposed on non-believers.

  5. 5
    Nick Gotts

    as George Carlin notes, God — or at least those who claims to speak for him — always seems to be short of cash.

    Reputedly, the British monarch never carries cash. Maybe God’s the same? Or perhaps it’s just that being a disembodied spirit, he doesn’t have any pockets.

  6. 6
    richardelguru

    @ heddle & Moggie

    I would interpret it as “don’t make a big (hypocritical?) deal out of praying”.
    Do it where and when appropriate. In today’s world, and in the US, that would probably not be in public school during graduation.

  7. 7
    Reginald Selkirk

    or says a sincere prayer ending “in Jesus’ name,”

    How are they going to judge sincerity?

  8. 8
    Reginald Selkirk

    heddle #4: But I feel compelled to point out that Matt 6:5-7 is not a prohibition against praying in public. If so, just based on what was recorded in scripture, Jesus violated it several times, the Apostle Paul over 20 times. As did Peter.

    Your line of reasoning requires us to assume that the Bible is noncontradictory. The Bible is contradictory. You lose.

  9. 9
    Argle Bargle

    Heddle is showing the great elasticity of the Bible. It says something in one part that appears to the uninitiated to be simple, straightforward and unambiguous. However a good Christian apologist like Heddle can give a “proper interpretation” which shows the explicit, obvious understanding of that bit of the Bible is really 180 out from what it really says. Matt 6:5-7 appears to say “don’t pray in public” but Heddle shows us it actually encourages public prayer.

  10. 10
    tfkreference

    Maybe someday a Christian student will demand that a prayer banner be put up in a public school, and the student will be mocked and threatened by the secular community, but will prevail on some forgotten precedent, and the fundagelical community will applaud and create a scholarship fund, or maybe JC will come back and the point will be moot.

    Maybe not.

  11. 11
    Gregory in Seattle

    So, the whole thing is just a fund raising ploy? Tell me it ain’t so !

  12. 12
    timberwoof

    I note that this is a reward for praying at one specific school and not just any old school anywhere. Some kids in Mississippi would beat each other up for the reward money.

  13. 13
    Loqi

    Man, I wonder what he’ll do with the money if, say, people donate more than $1,000 or he decides none of the prayers were sincere enough. Surely it will go toward a good cause…

  14. 14
    Chiroptera

    I really have a hard time believing that Klingenschmitt can’t scrape together $1000. If nothing else, I would think he could add one more venue to his Right Wing Echo Chamber tour.

  15. 15
    heddle

    Ulysses #9,

    And you are showing you have no originality. You just parrot the same, tiresome, overused comment. *Yawn*.

  16. 16
    busterggi

    Wonder if saying, “I’ve finally graduated Jesus-fucking-Christ” would count as a prayer under his rules?

    If I were a student there I would be tempted to find out.

  17. 17
    busterggi

    “Heddle is showing the great elasticity of the Bible.”

    A common trait of all believers to excuse their’s being the only correct interpretation.

  18. 18
    michael kellymiecielica

    @8 Reginald Selkirk

    heddle’s line of reasoning does not assume the bible is (completely) non-countradictory, it only relies on some level of internal consistency for the biblical text. Now, yes the bible does indeed contain contradictions, inconsistiencies and so forth, but not everything in the bible is countradictory. It’s a long convoluted, multi-author text and whether something is acutally a contradiction or an apperant contradiction depends on the actual text and context. I don’t have a dog in this fight, but heddle’s reading of the text offered seems resonable to me in that Matt 6:5-7 does not directly say don’t pray in public. it says “And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are” which strikes me as a prohibition of praying like a hypocrite, i.e. praying in public displays to give the appearence of being holier than thou.

    There is not a significant text on earth that deals with the breadth of subject matter that the bible does that does not contain appearent contradictions.

    Shorter: that’s a flippant response that overlooks important matters of textual (of all texts) interpretation

  19. 19
    tomp

    Wouldn’t it be funny if the first person to say the prayer is an atheist just doing it to collect the $1000?

  20. 20
    slc1

    Re Reginald Selkirk @ #8

    That’s just the blogs resident physics professor proclaiming his no true Scotsman shtick..

  21. 21
    iangould

    How about if they pray for Gordie Klingenschmitt to get the psychiatric treatment h so obviously needs?

  22. 22
    David C Brayton

    “I’ll give a $1,000 to whoever prays first but I need someone to give me a thousand dollars.”

    You just can’t make this stuff up.

  23. 23
    fifthdentist

    And this summer, before I go to college with the Christians’ money, may I spend a hot weekend at a beach resort with lots of hot sexy time with Jessica Alba. In Jesus’ name.

    Hey, I have an idea, why doesn’t Klingenshitt PRAY for the $1,000? He sure can’t ask Benny Hinn. Hinn is asking his sheep, I mean patsies, to fork over $2.5 million to get him out of debt.

  24. 24
    dan4

    @18″…does not directly say don’t pray in public…prohibition of praying like a hypocrite i.e. praying in public displays” …

    Oh, for pete’s sake, you are actually saying, in a non-sarcastic context, that there is a difference between “praying in public” and “praying in public displays”?

  25. 25
    dan4

    @4: “…Matt 6:5-7 is not a prohibition against praying in public…the prohibition is against praying in such a way as to be overheard by others.” Yes, because the likelihood of being “overheard by others” when praying in public is infinitesimal (*rolls eyes*).

  26. 26
    dingojack

    So what does Jesus have to say on the subject of prayer?

    Matthew 6:5-7
    5 And when thou prayest, thou shalt not be as the hypocrites are: for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and in the corners of the streets, that they may be seen of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.
    6 But thou, when thou prayest, enter into thy closet, and when thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret; and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly.
    7 But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking.

    So it would seem praying in public (at a synagogue or in the streets) is a no-no. Notice that ‘in public’ doesn’t necessarily mean ‘aloud’ (yes Dan, I’m looking at you).
    When one prays one should seclude one self (a closet is any small room, such as one used for dressing) and pray in secret.

    Dingo

  27. 27
    =8)-DX

    I guess the “enter into thy closet,” was later on the one hand literally expressed in the confessional, and also taken as any “private” prayer among Christians, with churches getting bigger and bigger and suddenly with whole “Christian nations”, the prayer closet has been open to the world.

    Either way it’s obvious what Jebus would have thought about paying children to pray in public.

  28. 28
    Thumper: Who Presents Boxes Which Are Not Opened

    @heddle

    Read carefully the prohibition is against praying in such a way as to be overheard by others.

    Even given that interpretation, shouting it out through a microphone would violate the prohibition.

Leave a Reply

Switch to our mobile site