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Apr 24 2013

Laurie: Prayer Will Work This Time.

Pastor Greg Laurie, a columnist for the Worldnutdaily, is the honorary chairman of Joseph Farah’s day of prayer and fasting that the WND is promoting like mad for Sept. 11th of this year. And he’s sure that, despite all the other prayers that have ever been said, this time it’s going to do something:

Laurie, pastor of Harvest Christian Fellowship in Riverside, Calif., and the founder of Harvest Crusades, said the issue really isn’t complicated..

“If we pray, God will hear,” Laurie said. “When He hears, who knows what He might do?”

Laurie said the nation needs much prayer, not just a single event.

“As this year’s honorary chairman of the National Day of Prayer I support WND’s 9/11/13 National Day of Prayer and Fasting. I agree with Joseph Farah that America faces a spiritual crisis and there is nothing more effective we can bring our requests to God,” Laurie said.

“In Scripture, God tells us ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ (Jer 33:3)”

You mean God hasn’t heard this all before? There were about a dozen such events last year alone. And every day, millions of Christians pray that God will send “revival” to America. Did God not hear all those prayers before? Do you have it on good authority that he has Sept. 11th off and will be paying attention? Or is there something magical about this particular day of prayer that wasn’t true of all the other ones that the very same people said would make a difference?

32 comments

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  1. 1
    becca

    Rocky: “That trick never works!”
    Bullwinkle: “This time for sure!”

  2. 2
    Trebuchet

    Remember when Gov. Goodhair had the prayer rally to stop drought in Texas? And it was NOTHING to do with his campaign, of course.

  3. 3
    Moggie

    “If we pray, God will hear,” Laurie said. “When He hears, who knows what He might do?”

    Isn’t that a problem? When you’re dealing with a capricious and powerful individual, you do your best not to provoke them, because you never know how much trouble their reaction will cause. Maybe God will send a flood, or an earthquake, or a plague of frog – and past experience suggests that it’ll be in the wrong part of the world. Do you want that on your conscience, Greg? Assuming you have one?

  4. 4
    imrryr

    If it’s so important, why wait until September? Aren’t eternal souls supposedly on the line here?

  5. 5
    ArtK

    @ becca

    Whenever these prayer things come up, I hear the voice of the late, great Bill Scott saying “This time for sure!” Perhaps the fundies need to get another hat?

  6. 6
    Larry

    Insanity is doing the exact same thing twice over and over again and expecting different results.

  7. 7
    Kevin

    Of course, there’s no way to prove this, but I’ll bet every single plane that was hijacked on 9.11 had devout Christians riding in them.

    And I’ll bet inside every single plane, there were plenty of people praying for deliverance.

    I guess 19 guys with boxcutters are more powerful than the Christian god. Maybe we should all convert to Islam. Now there’s a god who gets things done. He doesn’t just count on prayer. He gives people box cutters…and pressure cookers, and probably a whole lot of other useful kitchen appliances.

  8. 8
    reasonbe

    “God tells us ‘Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.’ (Jer 33:3)”

    That was before the internet. These people are hopeless.

  9. 9
    tbp1

    When He hears, who knows what He might do?

    I think that says it all. Translation: We have no idea if he’ll do anything or not, or what it might be, but we’re sure praying is a good idea anyway.

    Even back when I was nominally a believer I never really understood intercessory prayer. Doesn’t an omniscient God know better than I do what I want and need? Doesn’t he already know how he’s going to answer my prayer, if he does so at all?

    (On a side note, wouldn’t true omniscience mean that God doesn’t have free will?)

    Where I park at work there’s often a car with a bumper sticker that says “Pray to end abortion.” I’ve always wondered what they think the point is. God, apparently, hates abortion, and could end it anytime he wishes at no cost to himself, but he won’t do so until a certain magic number of people pray about it? What is the magic number? Do they have to pray in certain ways? Mother Teresa used to say that if enough people prayed the rosary, abortion would end. I don’t think she ever specified the mechanism, however, or why the rosary in particular.

  10. 10
    brucecoppola

    I really wish people here would not be so smug and dismissive. What if, this time, it really works and the good pastor and friends get their wish for a right-wing theocratic regime here in America*? Will you be able to look yourself in the mirror on 9/12/13 knowing you did nothing to stop them and their God?

    I propose action: Ed needs to rally FTB to spearhead a National Day of Blasphemy, Sin and Gluttony to counter the Natjional Day of Prayer and Fasting. We can have Greta read from her new book of erotica, PZ lead a mass descecration of Catholic crackers, Physioproffe can lay out a spread of his high-calorie Italian entrees. Ed can dust off his comedy chops and do some blasphemous standup. Maybe Mayam can get FEMEN on board for some mass breast-bearing to give both God and the fundies a really bad case of the vapors. Whaddya say? We’ll fight the good fight and have a shitload of fun too! :)


    *even worse than what we have already

  11. 11
    janiceintoronto

    #10

    Can we have the even in Canada?

    Actually, Toronto would be a nice place for it in late May.

  12. 12
    raven

    Laurie: Prayer Will Work This Time.

    Sure. Right.

    Second Child Of Philadelphia Faith-Healing Couple Dies
    NPR (blog) ‎- 22 hours ago

    A Philadelphia couple whose infant son died last week reportedly told police, “Our religion tells us not to call a doctor.” They were on probation …

    Just like it did for this family. They’ve now managed to kill 2 of their kids with faith healing.

    It isn’t that unusual for faith healing parents to kill not one but two of their kids.

    It’s a fundie xian ritual. Human child sacrifice.

  13. 13
    pianoman, Heathen & Torontophile

    I’ve been praying to their god for a long time to do something about bringing his followers under control and making them less douchebaggy.

    no luck so far.

  14. 14
    ahcuah

    Well of course prayer will work this time. You just have to pray hard enough. How hard do you have to pray? Why hard enough to make it work . . .

  15. 15
    brucecoppola

    #11:

    Maybe Jason and Crom can organize the Canadian event.

    TO is nice in late May and it’s been years since I visited. Trouble is, US Customs have become pricks of late and it’s a real drag to be treated like shit for trying to go back to one’s own fucking country.

  16. 16
    Moggie

    brucecoppola:

    Ed needs to rally FTB to spearhead a National Day of Blasphemy, Sin and Gluttony to counter the Natjional Day of Prayer and Fasting.

    I’m doing my part, 365 days of the year!

  17. 17
    Doug Little

    If we pray, God will hear,” Laurie said. “When He hears, who knows what He might do?”

    Yeah, well why risk it then, given his track record at being the biggest dick in the universe he’s probably more likely to send a life exterminating asteroid than to do what you want him to, that’s kinda his MO.

  18. 18
    Doug Little

    Ed needs to rally FTB to spearhead a National Day of Blasphemy, Sin and Gluttony to counter the Natjional Day of Prayer and Fasting.

    Ohhhh, can we work some Hollandaise in there some where? I’ll start out my day of gluttony with Eggs Benedict.

  19. 19
    caseloweraz

    Uh, sorry, Pastor Laurie. The “official” word is that God has turned his back on America. He’s fed up and He’s not going to help us any more.

    Why? Well there is a myriad of reasons given — anything from there are too many gays to too few guns. (I admit I haven’t seen the latter in print, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see it.)

  20. 20
    baal

    ““If we pray, God will hear,” Laurie said.”

    Maybe god has heard enough and is using silence as a nice way of suggesting it’s time for you to stop bothering him?

  21. 21
    roggg

    Who knows what he may do? Ooh! Ooh! I know this one…

  22. 22
    timgueguen

    “Sir?”

    “Yes, Ms. Magdaleine?”

    “That Joe Farrah fella and a bunch of his friends are on Prayer Channel 51.”

    “Put ‘em on hold! The prayers of 443 billion Jdkzkekseiislyysses are more of a priority than a few Americans whining about gays and Obama, again. Geez, the same old crap from them, over and over….”

  23. 23
    grumpyoldfart

    …who knows what He might do?

    There it is. Religion produces so little that it dare not have the parishioners casting backward glances. They must be encouraged to always look to the future; that’s when all the good stuff starts, you just wait and see.

  24. 24
    CONWAY

    Don’t know about the prayer, but a day of fasting wouldn’t hurt the average American.

  25. 25
    magistramarla

    Bruce @ #10
    I was thinking along the same lines – I think that it will be a good day to have a nice steak dinner and raise a toast in memory of those that we lost that day.
    It seems like a much nicer tribute to me.

  26. 26
    bad Jim

    I always made one prayer to God, a very short one. Here it is: “O Lord, make our enemies quite ridiculous!” God granted it.

    — Voltaire

  27. 27
    dingojack

    Kevin (#7) – but they were iron box-cutters. God’s Kryptonite is iron (or it’s derivatives)*.
    RE: Jerm. 3:33 – I have it on good authority that god spends a lot of time in his room googling porn and jerking-off. [He's got precious little time for answering the whining of earthly jerk-offs].
    Dingo
    ——–
    * Which is weird since iron is the waste product of both fusion and fission, and thus is becoming more abundant in the universe every second. Silly old god! He should have arranged the laws of physics so that Si or U or Au were the element with the lowest energy potential, rather than his nemesis Fe.

  28. 28
    =8)-DX

    The day the US is fully “revived” and has returned to Gawd, will be the day every single person gets on their knees and prays.
    I mean, Duh.

  29. 29
    khms

    * Which is weird since iron is the waste product of both fusion and fission, and thus is becoming more abundant in the universe every second. Silly old god! He should have arranged the laws of physics so that Si or U or Au were the element with the lowest energy potential, rather than his nemesis Fe.

    You’re confusing cause and effect here.

    Iron is his weak point because it is the element with the lowest energy potential.

  30. 30
    dingojack

    So why not arrange for there to be no minimum energy point? He is god after all.
    :) Dingo

  31. 31
    democommie

    “If we pray, God will hear,” Laurie said. “When He hears, who knows what He might do?”

    He can’t hear you. Rev. He’s got his IPOD blastin’ some Ludicrous and he’s smoking a spliff the size of a Blue Whale.

    “Mother Teresa used to say that if enough people prayed the rosary, abortion would end. I don’t think she ever specified the mechanism, however, or why the rosary in particular.”

    Well, praying the rosary for most who are not “Novena Masters” (my mom was one) requires the use of both hands. If one constantly prays the rosary it is quite difficult to masturbate, never mind copulate.

    “Ed needs to rally FTB to spearhead a National Day of Blasphemy, Sin and Gluttony…”

    I’m not waiting for Ed to announce one, I try to have one every day.

    “Kevin (#7) – but they were iron box-cutters. God’s Kryptonite is iron (or it’s derivatives)*.”

    Your comment makes me wonder if there is a website out there that specializes in selling fundies nothing but bronze cutting tools. Speaking of bronze, how do the ultra ortodunce KKKristians square lovin’ em some JESUS with driving fucking cars? Iron chariots by another name.

  32. 32
    Aaron

    Apparently their doesnt like little individual prayers. People need to set up mass prayers on specific days for him to give a flying rats ass about. These people really have strange, unflattering views of thier own god that are illustrated in vague attempts to communicate with him, as if he was hard of hearing, and interpreting everything that happens as some sort of directive from a god. It’s really strange that he cannot communicate clearly with his creations at all.

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