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Apr 15 2013

Satan’s 10 Gay Commandments Revealed

Renew America, a website founded by Alan Keyes (I actually typed Anal Keyes the first time; holy Freudian slip, Batman), has a hilarious column by Paul Kokoski in which he reveals the Ten Gay Commandments given by Satan himself to undermine America from within.

For the purpose of deceiving Mankind and destroying souls, Satan has thus given the homosexual lobby the following 10 commandments…

3) Fight to deny those who oppose homosexual acts their right to free (sic) of speech. At the same time enforce your own right to free speech on others by copiously using the liberal media and other outlets to label your opponents every unsavory thing from “bigot” to “idiot.” Use the words “equality” and “hate” often and unrelentingly as if only you – the homosexual – understand their meaning. If anyone objects, accuse them of discrimination. Keep in mind that politicians and judges are your friends. Many of them are openly practicing homosexuals and the rest, swayed by power and the almighty dollar, will do anything for your vote. Remember, too, that in today’s politically correct and morally relativistic society there is no objective moral order and that it often takes only one civil judge to side in your favor for you to achieve your ends;…

5) Build yourself up in the eyes of the indifferent masses – who are mere sheep – by claiming to be a modern person of tolerance and peace – one who is accepting of all. The people will believe you because in today’s materialistic word people are focused primarily on themselves and their own gain. They have little or no concern for what others do as long as it does not effect them.

Wait, the people are sheep? Are they gay sheep?

6) Act and speak as if homosexuals have a corner on the truth and that they alone – not their opponents – can demand of society what is right and wrong.

I’m sorry, a fundamentalist Christian just accused other people of pretending to have a corner on the truth and the right to demand that society enforce their moral ideas? Fuck, there goes another irony meter.

33 comments

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  1. 1
    birgerjohansson

    So Paul Kokoski thinks other people are mere sheep because they do not automatically reject gay people as sub-human? Or what does he mean?

  2. 2
    blf

    Ms Satan’s a wordy salad tosser. Ten verbose “commandments”!? Should take a lesson from the other Great Sky Faeries. One or two, along the lines of “Thou shall honor and obey Teh Gay” and “Thou Gays speakth not with forked tongues” or somesuch would do the trick. And be easier to remember.

  3. 3
    birgerjohansson

    “…the rest, swayed by power and the almighty dollar”
    I don’t get it: First he is against gay people, now he is against Republicans…

  4. 4
    richardelguru

    birgerjohansson: Maybe he thinks bestiality is best and can’t get his mind off sheep?

  5. 5
    birgerjohansson

    “their right to free of speech. ”
    OK. Let Kokoski be free of speech. I approve of a silent Kokoski, provided he also stops writing.

  6. 6
    birgerjohansson

    richardelguru wins!

  7. 7
    Gregory in Seattle

    Link? You’ve dug through the cesspit to find this gem of a turd, please don’t make me.

  8. 8
    Gretchen

    When you can’t muster an argument for actual harm caused by something you’re determined to consider evil, blame Satan.

    D&D = Satan
    Rock n’ Roll = Satan
    Miniskirts = Satan
    Pornography = Satan
    Homosexuality = Satan
    Everything fun apparently = Satan

    Maybe we’re going about this wrong. Maybe instead of arguing that homosexuality is valid and acceptable, we should be arguing that it’s boring. Nobody says that spending Friday night in the living room watching Wheel of Fortune = Satan, do they?

  9. 9
    Captain Mike

    “They have little or no concern for what others do as long as it does not effect them.”

    Those monsters.

  10. 10
    Donovan

    At least Satan makes some attempt at explaining his commandments. That other fucker was just like, “Um, don’t kill? Unless, you know, you need to or something? Sorta? Ah, to hell with it. Kill whoever, I’ll sort it out when you get here. But hey, bros! Do me a solid and party with me this Sunday. That’s like a top ten priority of mine. Or was it Saturday? Fuck it. You know what? If you’re rich enough to pick you days off, you’re smart enough to know what day, amarite?”

  11. 11
    birgerjohansson

    All your base are belong to us. With random capital letters.
    — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —
    homosexual lobby = See South Park.
    (Sinister chanting) “CRAB PEOPLE…CRAB PEOPLE”

  12. 12
    holytape

    1 = You shall be fabulous.

  13. 13
    Gregory in Seattle

    @Gretchen #8 – There are fun things that God commands:

    Hate immigrants – God
    Beat up gays – God
    Let women die as long as the baby is delivered alive – God
    Toss motherless child onto the streets for being a drain on society – God
    Ridicule objective, verifiable observations – God
    Embrace ignorance promulgated more than 2,000 years ago – God
    Use up natural resources because there won’t be any future generations after the Apocalypse – God

  14. 14
    d.c.wilson

    So Paul Kokowski has a direct line to Satan? Why is the righteous Alan Keyes giving this man a forum?

  15. 15
    Mr Ed

    So it is the lamb of God but the sheep of Satan, the lord is my shepherd.

    I just think that in an industrial world we need new metaphors how about, “Build yourself up in the eyes of the indifferent masses – who are mere sheep n00bs…”

  16. 16
    democommie

    I think KKKrazzeeforKKKoKKKoPuffskis is just pissed that Satan has the best parties and he NEVER gets invited.

  17. 17
    d.c.wilson

    “Fight to deny those who oppose homosexual acts their right to free (sic) of speech. ”

    I don’t suppose Paul is willing to give us an example some one being denied their “right to free of speech” because of their opposition to “homosexual acts”? Something other than the Palinesque whine that anyone who criticizes your remarks is somehow infringing on your right to free of speech would be preferred.

  18. 18
    democommie

    Ed:

    “Anal Keyes” and teh google? I stopped counting at 34 pages of hits and, no, I did not “take one for the team” by investigating any of the links. Perhaps someone more dastardly than me (you know who you are) could put a comment on Mr. KKKoKKKosKKKi’s thread (if there is one) and paste a link. He would prolly be shocked, shocked I tell you! after visiting 40 or 50 of the linked pages.

  19. 19
    Kevin

    So, a fundamentalist Christian has a direct line to Satan?

    Well, go figure. That’s what I’ve been saying all along. They’re listening to the wrong guy.

    /snark.

    I’m wondering which of these is more “Christ-like”?
    A. Hate someone because of something completely out of their control, like their skin color, sexual orientation, etc.
    B. Be accepting of everyone, and stop condemning others.

  20. 20
    dugglebogey

    Okay, so not having the media repeat my message is “restricting my free speech” now?

  21. 21
    raven

    My irony meter just laughted.

    Paul Kokoski hasn’t thought it through. Fundies don’t do thought.

    1. How does he know what satan thinks? Did he climb into the underworld and get the satanic ten commandments written on stone tablets?

    Kokoski has just admitted to associating with satan, being his lackey, and taking his messages to spread around.

    2. Which is OK really. According to xian mythology, satan is god’s agent on earth. God, the creator, created satan and the demons and let them run around doing whatever they do.

  22. 22
    dingojack

    No, no, NO.
    Teh Ghey is (in some totally inexplicable way) restricting bigots having “their right to free of speech”*, by having Teh Ghey Agenda ™ ‘shoved own their throats’** in the ‘liberal’, ‘lame-stream’ media***,, when clearly Teh Ghey should ride in silence at the back of the closet like they did in ‘the good ol’ days ™.
    @@
    Dingo
    ——–
    * The ‘of’ is important; conjunctions are god’s testicles (or is that ‘tentacles’?)
    ** ie merely mentioned in a neutral or non-negative manner
    *** which the bigots clearly read all the time so they can form well-thought out criticisms such as the article quoted above. (If you believe that…)

  23. 23
    bobcarroll

    Gay sheep? eeewwwwe!

  24. 24
    dingojack

    Bob – do not be alarmed! No gay sheep is gonna spoil a Kiwi’s fun (bro).
    :D Dingo

  25. 25
    Avo, also nigelTheBold

    So, free speech is the ability to stop consenting adults from marrying?

    If so, hell yeah, I deny them free speech. I just don’t deny them the right to talk about it.

  26. 26
    John Pieret

    They have little or no concern for what others do as long as it does not effect them.

    By just turning this around you get the perfect statement of wingnut policy: ‘We have overwhelming concern for what other people do even if it does not effect us (or anyone else).’

    And “concern,” of course, means throwing them in jail or otherwise depriving them of rights everybody else has.

  27. 27
    Wes

    bobcarroll

    April 15, 2013 at 11:09 am (UTC -4)

    Gay sheep? eeewwwwe!

    Why must you ram these gay puns down our throats?

  28. 28
    redmann

    Isaiah 53:6, who knew the OT was written by Satan.

  29. 29
    busterggi

    Funny thing – none of the very different versions of the ten commandments says anything against homosexuality – almost as if Yahweh didnt’ care.

  30. 30
    looseleaf

    My irony meter goes to 11.

  31. 31
    typecaster

    “They have little or no concern for what others do as long as it does not effect them.”

    I just can’t take anyone seriously if they can’t distinguish between “effect” (noun) and “affect” (verb). Another one of my intolerant personal failings. (Along with having no concern for what others do as long as it doesn’t affect me, of course.)

  32. 32
    khms

    I just can’t take anyone seriously if they can’t distinguish between “effect” (noun) and “affect” (verb).

    … or “effect” (verb) and “affect” (noun). Or any other combination of the four.

  33. 33
    birgerjohansson

    Satan may be gay (see South Park) but he seems uninterested in marriage.

    “Keep in mind that politicians and judges are your friend”

    Wasn’t there a gay supreme court judge that was friendly with the GOP to the point of awarding the presidency to Dubya? Is that OK or is it part of the moral corruption he laments?

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