Keyes Tosses a Word Salad on Marriage Equality

Alan Keyes really is quite entertaining to me. He tosses a better word salad than almost anyone else. In a radio appearance he said that Rob Portman, by endorsing marriage equality because of his gay son, was “abandoning your obligation as a human being.” And marriage equality is “the archetype of all crimes against humanity.” Okey dokey.

18 comments on this post.
  1. grumpyoldfart:

    The beauty of a word salad is that everybody gets to hear what they want to hear.

  2. David Hart:

    “The average homosexual lives half of the adult life of the average heterosexual, fact, FACT!”

    I would say ‘citation needed’, but I get the impression that in this guy’s head, if he believes something to be true, that makes it true, and thus he wouldn’t understand what a citation even is.

  3. D. C. Sessions:

    You want him to cite authority? grumpy, he has the Ultimate Authority feeding him the FACTS straight into his head. It doesn’t get any better than that.

  4. cptdoom:

    I wonder if either Keyes or his hosts on this program realize the exact same arguments they are making could be made about any religion. But can you imagine the outcry if Keyes, for instance, had disowned his daughter for becoming a Mormon in the same way he disowned her for being a lesbian.

  5. Pierce R. Butler:

    … marriage equality is “the archetype of all crimes against humanity.”

    You can tell because it’s so awful they didn’t even dare to mention it at the Nuremberg trials.

  6. Modusoperandi:

    cptdoom “But can you imagine the outcry if Keyes, for instance, had disowned his daughter for becoming a Mormon in the same way he disowned her for being a lesbian.”
    Don’t be ridiculous. I mean, come on, a black Mormon? That’s like finding a four-leaf clover. A black four-leaf clover.

  7. michaelbrew:

    … and I think we have an entire, elite faction that is now committed to committing such a crime against the American people!

    In 2013 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime of commitment.
    These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the San Francisco underground.
    Today, still wanted by the GOP, they survive as soldiers of fortune.
    If you have an agenda, if no one else can push it through Congress, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire…
    the Gay-Team.

  8. Stacy:

    The average homosexual lives half of the adult life of the average heterosexual, fact, FACT!

    I love the way that guys whips his glasses off in the beginning. He can has gravitas?

    I’d like a gif of that, but I’m lazy and my computing machine skills are limited so I’ll just replay it in my head instead.

  9. meursalt:

    FACT: Saying the word “fact” in a loud firm voice is as good as any citation or evidence! fact! FACT!

  10. Sastra:

    Interesting. Keye’s makes the argument that when you are dealing with “the level of public policy, Constitutional rights, and natural rights” then your job is to “take account of the common good:” if you don’t and instead “go down the road that satisfies your personal predilections and relationships” then are not only “derelict in your public duty, you are abandoning your obligation as a human being.” And that’s not a bad argument — if you apply it to the people who are really fighting against the common good by going down the road that satisfies their personal religious predilections. The Common Good includes homosexuals.

    Keye’s isn’t wrong so much as getting it backwards.

  11. meursalt:

    Keyes actually has a valid point. He’s saying that the status of Portman’s son shouldn’t have influenced his positions as a legislator; he should hold positions based on the common good of his constituents, and personal relationships should not sway those positions. This could almost be a quote from Ed…. and then he goes off the rails.

    I’m trying to follow the logic here. If gay marriage is the archetype of all crimes against humanity, does that mean the Holocaust was ultimately based on gay marriage? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard gheyness blamed for the atrocities of the Nazis, but I’m not sure if this is actually what Keyes means to claim, or if he’s just using ten dollar words for to sound smert. He seems to be implying that gay marriage existed prior to any crime against humanity, which goes against the usual right wing talking point that gay marriage is a new concept.

    I’m probably making a fundamental error in trying to parse statements from this man as I would those from a rational and reasonably literate human being.

  12. Sastra:

    meursalt #11 wrote:

    He seems to be implying that gay marriage existed prior to any crime against humanity, which goes against the usual right wing talking point that gay marriage is a new concept.

    I don’t think this is really that difficult to translate. Keyes recognizes that the only rational argument against gay marriage is a religious one. And his religion is true.

    Therefore, gay marriage = rebellion from God. Rebellion against God is “the archetype of all crimes against humanity.” Sin — in the Biblical sense. Original.

  13. M, Supreme Anarch of the Queer Illuminati:

    I would say ‘citation needed’, but I get the impression that in this guy’s head, if he believes something to be true, that makes it true, and thus he wouldn’t understand what a citation even is.

    The source is either Paul Cameron or someone who cited Paul Cameron.

    The preferred source for heterosexual-supremacist factoids is, as always, the dude who was kicked out of more professional organizations than he was even a member of. (No, seriously — I can’t remember if it was in sociology or another discipline that Cameron was publishing supposed studies regarding, but the relevant group preemptively kicked him out.)

  14. tbp1:

    I really try not to make assumptions about anyone’s sexual orientation. I’ve been wrong many times and people have been wrong about me, but everything about this guy just screams “deeply closeted, self-loathing, absolutely miserable gay guy.” I would actually feel sorry for him if he weren’t, you know evil.

  15. steve84:

    Always remember that he has a lesbian daughter whom he disowned

  16. cptdoom:

    The preferred source for heterosexual-supremacist factoids is, as always, the dude who was kicked out of more professional organizations than he was even a member of.

    Ah, yes, the infamous Cameron longevity study, in which he compared the ages at death in obituaries in gay newspapers – during the height of the AIDS crisis – with the ages at death in obituaries in mainstream papers. Because of course no 70-something married man could ever have been a closeted gay man, right ? Not to mention when one estimates longevity, one must also factor in the living people, not just the dead. What Cameron did was the equivalent of averaging the ages at which premature babies died in neonatal ICUs and declaring that such units are wastes of money because all the kids die.

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  18. haitied:

    “I know people throw around words like “Crimes against Humanity”" So I’m jumping all over that shit!

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