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Apr 01 2013

Florida to get Wingnutapalooza

Richard Bartholomew reports on an event happening in Oviedo, Florida in April called The Awakening USA. It ought to be called Wingnutapalooza because wait till you see the lineup of lunatics they’ve got showing up to speak. It’s like a Who’s Who of crazy:

Michele Bachmann, Bradlee Dean, Matt Barber, Jerry Boykin, Ken Blackwell, Cynthia Dunbar, Joseph Farah, Frank Gaffney, Pam Geller, Bishop Harry Jackson, Cindy Jacobs (she’ll be bringing the bottomless spaghetti bowl, I’m sure), Rick Joyner, Andrea Lafferty, William Murray, Janet Porter, Judith Reisman (who will no doubt be on the lookout for erototoxins), Rick Scarborough, and Mat Staver, among others. Holy shit, having that many people who seek to reinstate the 14th century could create some sort of tear in the space-time continuum.

I’m especially curious to see how Michele Bachmann and Bradlee Dean interact. They were buddies for years, with Bachmann helping raise funds for Dean’s ministry, but in 2011, when she was running for president, Dean abandoned her and said that she “stinks” and referred to her “everlasting shame.”

I was listening to a radio show, and she was asked a question and she would not answer the question. And it’s like you are such a great, upstanding, upright, citizen that you cannot answer the question that was just asked you. She was asked two different times. She kept going to the left. She would not answer the question. And the next thing you know, she starts talking about her presidential campaign – what she was going to do and jobs this and jobs that. That’s not what he asked you, lady – just answer the question…

Oh, I really don’t care. It’s an issue of character here, isn’t it? It’s an issue of integrity here, right? To her everlasting shame, she didn’t want to answer the question and I thought it was rather, what do I say, shameful. I thought it was shameful conduct that she couldn’t answer the question because if she’s doing that now, what would she do if she was in the White House? It jacked me up…

Everybody knows who stinks, they’re just figuring why that individual stinks. Well, go look… But she’s… that individual is walking around with her nose in the air like they are all that and a bag of chips and she doesn’t realize that everybody is looking at her like lady, you stink.

I smell a catfight!

25 comments

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  1. 1
    marcus

    With that much ignorance crammed all into once space I fear for the Universe. A black hole of stupidity of this magnitude might suck all reason and knowledge into singularity of stupidity from which no intelligent thought might escape.

  2. 2
    Modusoperandi

    Marcus, if the universe can survive CPAC I think it can survive this.

  3. 3
    jnorris

    Will Awakening USA be on pay-per-view or the Comedy Channel?

  4. 4
    baal

    From their website, the primary graphic has “el despertar” in the background. Could a tru-conservative allow for such a lefty concept as bilingualism?

  5. 5
    Subtract Hominem, a product of Nauseam

    What? No Schlaflys?

  6. 6
    patricksimons

    Sounds like the pep rally from hell.

  7. 7
    Worldtraveller

    Oh, what I wouldn’t give for a press pass to that! The trick is coming up with the right questions to ask to get them going off into the really stoopid lalaland, then stand back and roll tape!

  8. 8
    gshelley

    Was it a particular question, or did he just not like the idea of a politician avoiding a question?

  9. 9
    Sastra

    Okay, I’m waiting for the “Send Ed Brayton to The Awakening USA” donation button to appear on the left side of the page. I’d contribute something, sure. Reading Ed’s personal description of Wingnutapalooza would be all that and a bag of chips.

  10. 10
    lurker in a strange land

    If Ed went to Wingnutapalooza he may require a special helmet to prevent injury to himself from all the headdesking, jaw dropping and facepalming that could occur. He would also need a hardened irony meter that has a range up to eleven with automatic irony deflection to prevent overload. Of course the deflected irony would be lost on the wingnuts.

  11. 11
    Pierce R. Butler

    Now I really worry about me: I recognize all the names on that list… :-O

  12. 12
    janiceintoronto

    Is it even legal in the U.S. to have that many whackjobs in one place?

    Wouldn’t the conspiracy laws apply?

    And yes, Ed really needs to go to this jamboree. I’ll pitch in $10.00CDN.

  13. 13
    d.c.wilson

    Ed, if you do go, please, please find a way to play this over the loud speaker:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Md7OvU5JIcI

    With that many anti-Muslim bigots in one place, I foresee a massive need for new shorts after they hear that.

  14. 14
    suttkus

    Not Oveido! That is WAY too close to where I live! What if the stupid metastasizes and spreads outward like a plague? Sure, you guys can cut off all of Florida to save the country, but what about me?

  15. 15
    Michael Heath

    Seems too good to be true. Perhaps it’s Ed’s April Fool’s Joke.

  16. 16
    fifthdentist

    Needz moar Alan Keyes.

    Crap, that’s only about three hours from where I live. Twenty years ago I would have loaded up on acid and gone just for the lulz.

  17. 17
    jaxkayaker

    This crazy will barely register against the background baseline of crazy we always have going on here in Florida.

  18. 18
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Erototoxins?

    *sound of Googling*

    Wow. You learn something new every day.
    Sometimes the new thing is dumb.

  19. 19
    2-D Man

    What if the stupid metastasizes and spreads outward like a plague?

    It’s called Georgia.

  20. 20
    Barefoot Bree

    If it does create a black hole, I vote we fix it after all the attendees are sucked in, but before the effects spread any futher.

  21. 21
    Zinnia Jones

    I live exactly smack dab in the middle of all this. I don’t think I want to wander into that.

  22. 22
    Kaoru Negisa

    I live about five minutes away from this. In fact, it’s across the street from my favorite local diner (been in business since 1956 and has amazing food). You want somebody there to report what happens? I think I’ll be able to go.

  23. 23
    cry4turtles

    What?! No Phelps’??!! WTF does Sheeerleey have to do that’s better than this?

  24. 24
    democommie

    Will there at least be some UKI* cage matches? My money’s on “Boing-boing” Boynton; he’ll be strapped with at least an M-4 and a Glock.

    * Ultimate KKKristianist Infighting

  25. 25
    hexidecima

    oh the “florida” tag over at fark.com will have quite a workout.

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