Andy Borowitz has his usual hilarious take on the story about Sen. Rob Portman changing his position on marriage equality because of his son coming out of the closet. His fellow Republicans are taking heed and learning a clear lesson from Portman’s experience:
The decision of Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) to support same-sex marriage after learning that his son was gay has inspired hundreds of other Republican lawmakers to stop speaking to their children immediately, G.O.P. leaders confirmed today.
“I have gathered my caucus and told them, if your kids are going to tell you something that’s going to cost you the next election, it’s better to nip that situation in the bud,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). “Just stop talking to them altogether, for heaven’s sakes.”
Speaker Boehner said he was advising his fellow Republicans who were “hell bent on speaking to their children” to keep things superficial: “You can talk about sports. You can talk about the weather. But anything beyond that, your policy should be, ‘Don’t ask, don’t tell.’”
No, no, no. You’re doing it wrong. You’re only supposed to stop talking to your gay children.