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Mar 08 2013

Egyptian Locust Swarms Prompt Much Stupidity

There is a huge problem with swarms of locusts in Egypt and Israel this year and the wingnuts are all over it, especially since it’s happening near the date of Passover and before Obama visits Israel. OMG! That proves…well, something. Whatever they want it to prove. Oh, and that fly thing too. This is Rick Wiles freaking out over it:

Is it by coincidence that a swarm of locust from Egypt have [sic] moved across the border into Israel today just weeks before Mr. Obama’s arrival in the Holy Land? Tens of millions of locust have attacked Egypt in recent days. A plague of locust was one of the ten plagues that God used to punish Egypt for refusing to allow the Hebrew people to depart, the story is recounted in Jewish homes and synagogues each year at Passover. Passover begins at March 25th; Mr. Obama is scheduled to arrive in Jerusalem on March 20th. In recent months, Mr. Obama has been photographed with flies buzzing around his head or attached to his lip or forehead. Each time I see the flies buzzing around him I think of Beelzebub, Lord of the Flies. According to an ancient non-biblical manuscript supposedly written by King Solomon, Beelzebub claims to cause destruction through tyrants, to cause demons to be worshiped among men, to excite priests to lust, to cause jealousies in cities and murders and to bring forth war on the world. So think about it the next time you see a fly land on Barack Obama’s lip or forehead. I wouldn’t be surprised if Israel is covered with locusts when he arrives in Jerusalem in three weeks. How many biblical signs do we need to see to know that this man is evil?

The answer, of course, is none. They think he’s evil, full stop. And they’re deluded enough to turn anything into a sign from God to back up their idiocy. It never occurs to them this is, in fact, a normal migration pattern as the locusts travel from the Sudan to Saudi Arabia. It’s a bit worse this year because of breeding conditions, but the reason there are periodic plagues of locusts in that area is not because God is punishing someone, it’s because that’s where the fucking locusts live.

22 comments

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  1. 1
    Modusoperandi

    It’s a bit worse this year because of breeding conditions, but the reason there are periodic plagues of locusts in that area is not because God is punishing someone, it’s because that’s where the fucking locusts live.”

    Oh, please! Next you’ll say that after I mention that after Barack Hussein Obama left the country I saw a bald eagle!*
     
    * And even if he hasn’t left yet, it’s still a positive sign. Because he is leaving. Eventually.

  2. 2
    Brett McCoy

    Just did some quick research, apparently the swarms first started to increase in the area around 2004, due to heavy rains and other factors in the region. Nothing special here.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2004_Locust_Outbreak

  3. 3
    Taz

    You have to admit it’s very strange. Never before in the history of the world has a person had a fly buzzing around their head.

  4. 4
    matty1

    You know if I was trying to work out if someone was evil I’d look at their actions and stuff not the distribution of insects.

  5. 5
    Draken

    Is it by coincidence that a swarm of locust from Egypt have [sic] moved across the border into Israel today just weeks before Mr. Obama’s arrival in the Holy Land?

    Yes. Next question.

  6. 6
    Tabby Lavalamp

    A plague of locust was one of the ten plagues that God used to punish Egypt for refusing to allow the Hebrew people to depart

    Ah, yes. One of my favourite “God is a murderous asshole” stories from the Bible. Every time Pharaoh is about to have a change of heart, Yahweh hardens that organ just so he can inflict another punishment for some some reason on Egypt. This cycle continues up until the point where Jehovah builds up to his horrific climax – killing innocent young children throughout the land. Only then does he stop hardening Pharaoh’s heart.

  7. 7
    Larry

    Why does their sky pixie make its displeasure known using insects? It’s a rather obscure means of communication. There are all sorts of modern methods available these days to the all-mighty. Can’t it just send out a text messages to everybody’s cell phone or spam a gazillion e-mails?

  8. 8
    raven

    Well, really this doesn’t make sense.

    The locusts are invading…Israel.

    One would think if the Sky Fairy was mad at the USA, he would send those insects to…the USA.

    Or is this just another case of the deity’s notoriously bad aim? If god can’t get a plague within 6,000 miles of its target, then why call it god? The fundie god isn’t very competent.

  9. 9
    oranje

    @Raven: It’s because they think that’s where all of this end of the world stuff will happen, not over here. Which I guess is true. I can’t imagine the world ending or any some such here in the UP; nature kind of has a way of diminishing the scale of the human (which anyone in western North America knows). So for them, they’re connected to the Mediterranean in general thanks to their book. So when someone gets food poisoning in Beirut or Tel Aviv or someplace, it’s because Obama is evil.

  10. 10
    frog

    Larry@7:

    Or at the very least, spell something out with the locusts. I mean, what’s the point of omnipotence if you can’t get bugs to line up in useful ways? Humans have invented fonts that look like bugs. Surely a god could do that much with the real live things, right?

  11. 11
    fifthdentist

    Remind me why they worship that asshole again?

  12. 12
    Skip White

    So does this mean that this summer, whenever a fly lands on a hotdog I’m about to cram down my food-hole, I should expect Obama to materialize and steal said hotdog?

  13. 13
    D. C. Sessions

    it’s because that’s where the fucking locusts live.

    Or perhaps more to the point, it’s where the living locusts fuck.

  14. 14
    d.c.wilson

    “Just did some quick research, apparently the swarms first started to increase in the area around 2004, due to heavy rains and other factors in the region. Nothing special here.”

    Well, 2004 was a year after Bush invaded Iraq. Obviously, Yahweh was upset about that.

    After all, increased rainfall in the region couldn’t possibly be caused by something like climate change, right?

  15. 15
    theschwa

    A plague of locust was one of the ten plagues that God used to punish Egypt for refusing to allow the Hebrew people to depart
    Why won’t Obama allow the Hebrews to leave Israel!??!!

  16. 16
    David Hart

    Okay, since it’s come to plagues and locusts, I’m going to have to share my favourite Pharaoh and Moses cartoon, for those who haven’t seen it.

  17. 17
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Hey, that’s pretty good, if hackneyed, sci-fantasy for a second-grader. YRU guyz so critical?

  18. 18
    Artor

    DC Sessions- You win ALL the internets!

    Like everyone else, I’m unimpressed by the rarity of those uncommon beasts, flies. Don’t those spontaneously appear from rotting meat? ZOMG! I hear a fly buzzing near me! Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me! For MEEE!!!

  19. 19
    Nick Gotts

    David Hart@16,

    Thanks – I LOLed – and I never say that unless I actually did. Hadn’t come across this Murkett guy before.

  20. 20
    Area Man

    to excite priests to lust…

    Does Beelzebub also cause fire to be hot?

  21. 21
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ Area Man : I think that’s the job of the fire demons, Beelzebub is more just a flies guy – but then I could be mistaken.

  22. 22
    oneofgodschildren

    I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU FUCKING UNEDUCATED morons… read a fucking book… take a boo at the latest acrhaeological digs… u stupid morons… you have no idea what you say when you talk shit about my God.
    Too bad for you that you will be last in line… dont worry, Ill teach you if you need me too…oh ya, and dont be scared…..like you sound. The ALIENS should have no problem convincing your pathetic pee brains that they are just ” from a distant place” …lol Peace out. Oh ya …. ill prey for ya, and God bless you….lol

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