Pat Robertson, responding to a question from a viewer, said recently that it’s a good idea to pray over any items you buy secondhand, like clothes, because demons may have attached themselves to them and it’s important to “rebuke any spirits that happened to have attached themselves to those clothes.”
Feb 28 2013
Robertson: Pray Away Demons From Secondhand Clothes
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glodson
February 28, 2013 at 12:38 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hmm….. Is that why they shrink sometimes when I wash them? Did my dryer expel the demon?
Bronze Dog
February 28, 2013 at 12:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Sounds like Robertson hasn’t gotten over his childhood fear of cooties.
theschwa
February 28, 2013 at 12:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I just use Tide with Demon Lifter.
raven
February 28, 2013 at 12:47 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
A common fundie moron belief is that the candy companies employ witches to insert demons into Halloween candy.
Demons do seem to have boring nonlives these days, hanging around stuck in a small piece of inexpensive candy.
There doesn’t seem to be anything too stupid for the christofascists to believe.
oranje
February 28, 2013 at 12:48 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
What is it with them and rebuking? It’s like a supernatural sovereign citizen movement. “You can’t hurt me because I said the right words in the right order!”
Yellow Thursday
February 28, 2013 at 12:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I’m sure Robertson doesn’t have to worry about demons from secondhand items, since he can afford to get new, tailored suits every time his clothes start to wear out.
Hercules Grytpype-Thynne
February 28, 2013 at 12:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@glodson:
Sometimes certain articles get so imbued with demons that expelling them leaves just microscopic traces behind. This usually occurs with socks.
Donovan
February 28, 2013 at 1:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
They should be handled professionally for mor epersistant demon stains. For $12.95 I will flush demons from all but mixed fabrics (those in possession of mixed fabrics will be buried neck deep and stoned to death, for glaringly obvious reasons… …FREAKS). Any garment not thoroughly dedemonized to your satisfaction is probably a demon tricking you into being a greedy little shit, so refunds will not be granted. Missing items, especially high end suits or well fitting sweaters and coats may be taken by Jesus for special attention, so please inquire with him. Luxury cars have also been known to have demon infestations.
Jordan Genso
February 28, 2013 at 1:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I can’t help but view that sort of thinking as similar to witchcraft. Instead of potions or spells, just their non-verbal thoughts are magic enough to drive away the evil spirits.
d.c.wilson
February 28, 2013 at 1:27 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So that’s where my socks went! The sweater demon was eating them.
Btw, static cling is the demons in your clothes trying to have sex.
snafu
February 28, 2013 at 1:34 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hmm. I am concerned. How can I be sure my prayer has successfully removed the demon(s)? Is there a demon litmus test? Just curious.
grumpyoldfart
February 28, 2013 at 1:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I can’t help thinking of the poor little kids who hear their church leaders talking such nonsense and assume that they are speaking the truth. Some of them will probably decide that demons really do exist and they will spend the next sixty, seventy, or eighty years, living in fear, and regularly paying tithes to Pat Robertson; his children, and his grandchildren. The Robertson family must laugh out loud sometimes, at the ease with which they can score money from the hoi-poloi.
aldenutter
February 28, 2013 at 2:06 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey, don’t laugh at Robertson! He’s just trying to fight against Satan’s latest and greatest champion, Macklemore.
Ysidro
February 28, 2013 at 2:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That’s funny, aldenutter. I have “Thrift Shop” stuck in my head now!
greenspine
February 28, 2013 at 2:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So what’s the functional difference between these people and witch-doctors or wizards now? Would even they concede that a witch-doctor can perform real magic, but it comes from the devil instead of from god, like the magic spells Robertson casts?
mvemjsun
February 28, 2013 at 2:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Hey Pat maybe the textile company that makes the bolts of fabric your tailor buys hired a witch.
spamamander, internet amphibian
February 28, 2013 at 2:17 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Tide with Demon Lifter? “Out, damned spot!”
Don Quijote
February 28, 2013 at 2:19 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Well, god did believe that holiness can be transfered by clothing.-Ezekiel 44:19
steve oberski
February 28, 2013 at 2:42 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
@Hercules Grytpype-Thynne
And only one of them.
Didaktylos
February 28, 2013 at 2:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
But what about all those demons that get attached to coins to and banknotes?
Ace of Sevens
February 28, 2013 at 3:19 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Why isn’t Robertson using this opportunity to sell special anti-demon detergent. It’s the only detergent with the stain-busing power of Jesus’s blood, guaranteed to make your linens white as snow.
Marcus Ranum
February 28, 2013 at 3:30 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Don’t tell him about the demons in the food.
John Pieret
February 28, 2013 at 3:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
d.c. wilson @ 10
Btw, static cling is the demons in your clothes trying to have sex.
Eeew! Demon semen!
Ichthyic
February 28, 2013 at 3:50 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Klatu Barada… nn… necktie?
ragingapathy
February 28, 2013 at 3:53 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Seems like it’d be much more efficient to bless the entire second-hand store. Except that way, if your local enemies bought clothes there, they couldn’t be demon-infected with them.
Ichthyic
February 28, 2013 at 3:57 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Fiendish fairies fornicating!
eric
February 28, 2013 at 4:13 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Stop spraying me with holy water. When I said ‘demon in my pants,’ I meant it figuratively. FIGURATIVELY!
Synfandel
February 28, 2013 at 4:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Mr. Robertson is correct. The rising price of demonic spirits has outpaced the consumer price index in the last eight consecutive quarters. With reduced cash donations to support operational costs, Goodwill has had to start distributing some clothing without demonic spirits.
ArtK
February 28, 2013 at 5:12 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Can we assume that clothes purchased from the Salvation Army have already been de-demonized?
Lithified Detritus
February 28, 2013 at 6:00 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Watch the clip.
“One ring to rule them all…”
d.c.wilson
February 28, 2013 at 6:20 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Man, it is really hard to find SNL clips online. As it is, I could only find an audio file
Nibi
February 28, 2013 at 7:36 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Marcus Ranum
Too late.
Pat Robertson continues the fight against Halal food
Stacy
February 28, 2013 at 8:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Probably. Many of them believe that Ouija boards are controlled by demons.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20111001165945AAjI4gy
rebeccaalvarez
February 28, 2013 at 8:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Jehovah’s Witnesses believe this. Used clothing or any second hand items can be demon infested. Apparently demons are not allowed in new clothing manufacture. Those plastic bags your undies come in at JC Penney seem to have demon protecting properties. However, you cannot assume any new items are protected. Ouija boards and unicorn dolls come with demons pre-inserted. Also, some cans of Magic spray starch are suspect and even devil’s food cake can be affected. I am not joking, they really do think this way!!!
Ichthyic
February 28, 2013 at 9:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
ah, that brings back memories of growing up in Orange County, where at least half the parents of my friends and acquaintances of my early teen years told us just that, and that we would literally be cursed if we played with Ouija boards.
I thank them for speeding my exodus from religious nutbaggery.
dingojack
February 28, 2013 at 9:10 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Psst Patty – you know the air that you’re breathing, the water you drink, the food you’ve eaten…?
:) Dingo
Dr X
February 28, 2013 at 10:52 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
When I was in my twenties, my then girlfriend and I went by my younger brother’s apartment to pick him up to head out for drinks with some our friends. My brother was wearing a pair of tight jeans and my girlfriend says, “nice pants, Rich.” My brother answers: “thanks, there as uncomfortable as hell, but they’re my get-laid pants. Every time I wear them, I meet someone and get laid.”
This might be the kind clothing Robertson is talking about.
montanto
March 1, 2013 at 3:16 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
I would have thought that thrift stores would be relatively safe from demons with all of the cheap christian Bric-à-brac most of them sell. I’d be more worried about the new clothes. Demons thrive in sweatshops.