Rand Paul Wants ‘Spiritual Cleansing’

Rand Paul called into Glenn Beck’s show and blathered on about how important it is for people to pray for him. He also says that our problems aren’t political, we need a “spiritual cleansing” because something “really depraved is rising in the country.”

“I think that our country needs a spiritual cleansing. I really think we need a revival in this country — and I do need your prayers and I do need the strength to go on with this, because this isn’t always easy…

I think our country’s problems are deeper than political — that we need spiritual leaders to come forward. We need something beyond just the politics of the day and, you know, I see it everywhere — something really depraved is rising in the country.”

What the hell does that even mean? What is a “spiritual cleansing” other than “people should stop doing things I don’t think they should do even if it has nothing to do with me”? This is just catnip for authoritarian busybodies.

38 comments on this post.
  1. Didaktylos:

    Ethnic Cleansing = Massacre people of the “wrong” ethnicity.

    Spiritual Cleansing = Massacre people of the “wrong” spirituality?

  2. raven:

    Routine fundie xian gibberish.

    something really depraved is rising in the country. Meaningless if you don’t know what it is.

    I assume this is a dog whistle for satan and demons, or women, gays, Democrats, nowhites, nonxians, educated people, and normal people.

  3. unbound:

    “really depraved is rising in the country.”

    Actually, I do agree with the sentiments. Unfortunately for Rand Paul, he is one of those really depraved things…

  4. busterggi:

    “I really think we need a revival in this country ”

    translation – the US needs to be more like Iran

  5. raven:

    I really think we need a revival in this country

    Translating from fundie to English, we need more right wing extremists with brains the size of walnuts who will let us do anything to them as long as we say jesus a lot.

    What is really happening is US xianity is dying, killed off by Rand Paul and the rest of the fundie xians. When xian became synonymous with idiot, liar, hater, crazy, and sometimes killer, a lot of people didn’t want to be one any more.

  6. justsomeguy:

    Methinks the senator needs to reacquaint himself with what the all-knowing überfrau Ayn Rand had to say about religion and holy men.

  7. Reginald Selkirk:

    “and, you know, I see it everywhere — something really depraved is rising in the country.”

    We had a saying when I was young that seems appropriate to the occasion: “He who smelt it dealt it.”

  8. F [nucular nyandrothol]:

    Fantastic!. I have just the spiritual enema for him.

  9. Raging Bee:

    … we need spiritual leaders to come forward. We need something beyond just the politics of the day …

    …something that doesn’t inconvenience Rand Paul or any of his chums.

  10. lofgren:

    This ought to come in handy after the spiritual sodomy I had with the President yesterday.

  11. Who Knows?:

    Whenever I read the name, Rand Paul, all I can think is Fuck Rand Paul.

    Is that weird?

  12. lofgren:

    no

  13. jesseneedham:

    I read this while listening to a waterphone. It failed the creepy test.

  14. davefitz:

    What’s really depraved is their indifference to the problems in this country.

  15. democommie:

    You know all thosed goofy, “Chicken Soup for the—(fill in the blank” books? Well, I see a reptilican analog in the offing.

    “KKKrazzepants Word Salad for the RWA…” and cetera.

  16. ArtK:

    Hmmm… can one accomplish spiritual cleansing with a coffee enema? Is there a Christian housewares store where you can buy “spiritual cleanser?” If yes, is that like Ajax, but with ground up bits of the True Cross? Can it be used as a dessert topping as well?

    I think that Rand Paul should start by cleansing himself. Perhaps by joining a Flagellant society. He could at least start by wearing a hair shirt.

  17. raven:

    What’s really depraved is their indifference to the problems in this country.

    They and Rand Paul are part of the problems in this country.

  18. jnorris:

    Something “really depraved is rising in the country.” and it is the Tea Party.

  19. montanto:

    So THAT was what Aqua Buddha was all about.

  20. reverendrodney:

    I’m thinking that if a psychotherapist read this he or she would surmise that Rand is having a breakdown and reaching out and came to the bottom of his call list. Tomorrow everything will be fine. How did such a dweeb get elected?

  21. Acolyte of Sagan:

    So how do you American atheists like being called ‘depraved’? because as sure as eggs are eggs it’s you he’s slandering.
    As it happens I’m a British atheist; does that make me depraved by association?

  22. baal:

    @ #10 lofgren, I was hoping for the spiritual cleansing to happen before the spiritual sodomy in hopes on limiting possible spiritual accidents or spiritual big messes.

  23. democommie:

    If Rand thinks that a “Spiritual Cleansing” will unblock his colon I have some more sensible advice, “Pull your fucking head out of your ass.”.

  24. busterggi:

    BTW – will spiritual cleansing remove Santorum stains?

  25. d.c.wilson:

    I think our country’s problems are deeper than political — that we need spiritual leaders to come forward. We need something beyond just the politics of the day and, you know, I see it everywhere — something really depraved is rising in the country.”

    Let me take a stab at translating this gibberish:

    “As a rightwing authoritarian politician, I plan on doing fuck all about the real problems facing this country, so pray for a miracle while I use the connections I’m making as a senator to line my pockets.”

  26. Larry:

    How did such a dweeb get elected?

    Kentucky. Inbreeding.

    You fill in the missing pieces.

  27. timgueguen:

    America needs Creedance Clearwater Revival. If only someone could convince John Fogerty to drop his grudge with Stu Cook and Doug Clifford, and vice versa.

  28. shouldbeworking:

    CCRerevived would need to rewrite one of my favourite songs to be ‘Bad Loon Rising’ in honour of the Tea Party.

  29. Michael Heath:

    Ed writes:

    This is just catnip for authoritarian busybodies.

    Ironically accurate observation; ironic given Sen. Paul’s been ramping up the libertarian rhetoric lately; specifically using the small ‘l’ word when positioning his brand relative to other Republicans seeking to become a national party leader.

    Of course this irony is not surprising, conservative libertarians have long acted as authoritarians, and/or social dominators whose following are largely authoritarians.

  30. hunter:

    . . . something “really depraved is rising in the country.”

    Yeah — it’s what passes for Christianity on the fringe right.

  31. jba55:

    “our country needs a spiritual cleansing”

    When I read this what popped into my mind was the scene in the first Tim Burton Batman movie where Jack Nicholson as the Joker says: “This town needs an enema! *phweee*”. Course I’d actually expect the Joker to do something about it whereas Mr Paul is just a clown.

  32. Improbable Joe, bearer of the Official SpokesGuitar:

    Ghostbusters?

  33. aaronbaker:

    Sort of a spiritual high colonic?

  34. paulburnett:

    Didaktylos (#1) wrote “Ethnic Cleansing = Massacre people of the “wrong” ethnicity. Spiritual Cleansing = Massacre people of the “wrong” spirituality?”

    That’s right – that’s fundie-speak for killing all the non-fundies in the Final Battle. Their madrassas have been grooming their home-schooled ignorami to be cannon fodder for decades.

  35. jameshanley:

    Maybe he’s asking for a Bible enema.

  36. Pyra:

    The nincompoops that surround me really should feel shame. Instead, they feel pride. Mr. toiletclogger Rand really does need enemas since he seems to have to flush his new-fangled water saving toilets ten times because them mean ol’ feminist abortionists forced his toilets to be economical…. *grrrr* Every time I see his name I cringe. Anyone have funds to get me moved out of here?

  37. dingojack:

    Rand Paul Wants ‘Spiritual Cleansing’’
    He sure does!
    :) Dingo

  38. Dawn Smith:

    That something “depraved” is compassion and the “We are all in this together” mentality. Rand wants a society where it is every man for himself and no safety net for you if you fall.

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