Pope Wins Praise from ‘Exorcists’


Pope Benedict XVI is garnering much praise on his way out of office (but not out of the Vatican), including from the “world’s leading exorcist” (read: world’s leading abuser of people who need genuine psychological help). The Telegraph has the story:

Father Gabriele Amorth, the founder and head of the International Association of Exorcists, said the German pontiff had “done many things for exorcists” during his eight-year papacy, which will come to an end on Feb 28.

He said Benedict, regarded as a staunch conservative during his time in office, had “allowed exorcists to administer the sacrament of exorcism not only to people who are suffering from demonic possession, but also those who suffer other evil disorders, such as diabolical infestations.”

Fr Amorth, the Catholic Church’s best known exorcist, will be a special guest on Friday on a television programme to commemorate Benedict’s papacy.

The programme, to be broadcast on a religious satellite channel, will be called: “Joseph Ratzinger and the Devil – the history of a pontificate and the battle against evil”.

Given Benedict’s crimes, the devil could scarcely have done any better himself. And you have to laugh at stories like this:

He claimed in a book last year that Pope Benedict unwittingly performed an exorcism of two men possessed by the Devil in the very heart of the Vatican, describing how he and two assistants brought a pair of “possessed” Italian men to one of the Pope’s weekly audiences in St Peter’s Square in May 2009.

In the book, ‘The Last Exorcist – My Fight Against Satan’, he said the mere presence of the pontiff cured the men of their demonic afflictions. As the Pope approached them, the men, identified only as Marco and Giovanni, began to act strangely – they trembled and their teeth chattered.

When Benedict stepped down from his “Popemobile” the two men flung themselves to the floor.

“They banged their heads on the ground. The Swiss Guards watched them but did nothing,” he wrote. “Giovanni and Marco started to wail at the same time, they were lying on the floor, howling. They were trembling, slobbering, working themselves into a frenzy.

“The Pope watched from a distance. He raised an arm and blessed the four of them. For the possessed it was like a furious jolt – a blow to their whole bodies – to the extent that they were thrown three metres backwards. They stopped howling but they cried uncontrollably.”

Fr Amorth, who claims to have conducted thousands of exorcisms, wrote: “It is no mystery that the Pope’s acts and words can enrage Satan…that simply the presence of the Pope can sooth and in some way help the possessed in their fight against the one who possesses them.”

Even the Vatican denied that nonsense. But this will, I predict, become “evidence” of miracles when the church decides to make Ratzinger into a saint in 10 or 20 years.

Comments

  1. says

    …he said the mere presence of the pontiff cured the men of their demonic afflictions.

    Yeah, the demons saw Pope Palpadict coming, and realized their presence was redundant.

    The Swiss Guards watched them but did nothing…

    …because the whole thing was staged in advance with their full knowledge (or they understood that this was normal fawning slobbering fanboy behavior) — otherwise they would have DONE THEIR JOBS by treating the loony intruders as possible threats to the Pope.

  2. raven says

    Pope Benedict XVI is garnering much praise on his way out of office (but not out of the Vatican), including from the “world’s leading exorcist”

    That can’t be true.

    My cat hasn’t said anything except meow about it.

    She is every bit as powerful as the world’s greatest exorcist. In fact, she is equal to all the Catholic, fundie, and Mormon exorcists put together.

    Of course all the aggregate exorcism power of the world’s witch doctors is…zero.

  3. anubisprime says

    I swear by Beelzebub’s pyjami cords…

    “allowed exorcists to administer the sacrament of exorcism not only to people who are suffering from demonic possession, but also those who suffer other evil disorders, such as diabolical infestations.”

    These fuckers make it up as they go along…They are absolutely fucking loony tunes every single one of them.
    Mind you the brain dead that buy every word are really totally wasted space, at least the babbling cretins of the Vatican have some vague entertainment factor!

  4. mvemjsun says

    They got the title of the show wrong not “Joseph Ratzinger and the Devil” but “Joseph Ratzinger as the Devil”

  5. says

    International Association of Exorcists

    As I read that I thought, “those guys must have the COOLEST LOGO ever!” and googled for their website. Becaus I figured they also had to have a totally awesome website with a page selling Tshirts and garlic and crucifixes and stuff. But they don’t. Such a missed opportunity!

  6. F [nucular nyandrothol] says

    not only to people who are suffering from demonic possession, but also those who suffer other evil disorders, such as diabolical infestations.

    I am almost certain that there is some discernible difference between these two things, for the perspective of sophistimacated demonology…

    “Joseph Ratzinger and the Devil – the history of

    a pair of inseparable brothers.

  7. DaveL says

    “The Pope watched from a distance. He raised an arm and blessed the four of them. For the possessed it was like a furious jolt – a blow to their whole bodies – to the extent that they were thrown three metres backwards.

    How much do you want to bet that, despite the cameras that follow the pope everywhere, that particular bit was never caught on film?

  8. coragyps says

    I bet that I might cry pretty nearly uncontrollably too if I were howling peacefully and got thrown three meters backward. Prolly it was a stone floor, even…..

  9. tfkreference says

    anubisprime: “at least the babbling cretins of the Vatican have some vague entertainment factor!”

    My first thought was that I wanted to believe that it really happened – demons and all – because it would be really cool to see someone with that much power. Just like watching the A Team.

  10. abb3w says

    Amorth should be reprimanded by the Vatican at once, to recant on penalty of grave heresy. According to the Catholic Catechism, exorcism is not one of the seven sacraments, but merely a sacramental (such as a blessing or consecration).

    Of course, atheists can just skip to giggling snark about the confusing of clerical spells.

  11. gridironmonger says

    I would love to hear an explanation of the difference between demonic possession and diabolical infestation.

  12. naturalcynic says

    @6: Yeah, I was wondering about the differential diagnosis between demonic possession and diabolical infestation. Or is it demonic infestation and diabolical possession?

  13. anubisprime says

    Comedy script writers could take a lesson here…or maybe not…comedy depends on a certain skewed angle of reality where these doofi* rely on fucking total bullshite!

    But it is a rather naive attempt at conning the masses with fancy sounding doohickey terms…
    Absolutely stunning circle jerking jeebus drooling fools the lot of ‘em!

    *= plural of ‘Doofus’ maybe?

  14. anubisprime says

    I think Amorth has been reading Dennis Wheatley under the bed clothes after lights out in the Vatican dormitory…
    Being a pillock of very little brain he thought it was a scientific treatise.

  15. dugglebogey says

    What the fuck is the deal with “The Last Exorcist 2″ how can there be a 2? I want answers goddammit!

  16. jonathangray says

    He said Benedict, regarded as a staunch conservative during his time in office, had “allowed exorcists to administer the sacrament of exorcism not only to people who are suffering from demonic possession, but also those who suffer other evil disorders, such as diabolical infestations.”

    For the record, exorcism isn’t a sacrament … Probably a mistranslation.

    naturalcynic :

    I was wondering about the differential diagnosis between demonic possession and diabolical infestation. Or is it demonic infestation and diabolical possession?

    There are four levels of demonic activity: infestation (occupation of a location or inanimate object), obsession (mental attacks), oppression (physical attacks) and possession (control of a person’s body). ‘Demonic’ and ‘diabolical’ are interchangeable.

    anubisprime:

    I think Amorth has been reading Dennis Wheatley under the bed clothes after lights out in the Vatican dormitory…

    Have you ever read Wheatley? Just curious.

  17. says

    “Even the Vatican denied that nonsense”

    And they did well to do so. Everyone knows that “Blessing” is a 1st lvl spell that increases your attack rolls; Exorcism grants a single usage of the ‘Turn Undead’ ability the power to drive out an offending spirit, though it can still roll a will save.

  18. says

    Naturalcynic (13)

    @6: Yeah, I was wondering about the differential diagnosis between demonic possession and diabolical infestation. Or is it demonic infestation and diabolical possession?

    Detect Law/Detect Chaos. Duh.

  19. says

    Playing off our conversation from a few days ago, I present:

    Worst. Dungeons and Dragons. Party. Ever.

    Pope Palpatine: Cleric
    KKK Leader: Wizard
    Sarah Palin: Rogue
    Paul Ryan: Fighter
    Ted Nugent: Bard

  20. says

    “The Pope watched from a distance. He raised an arm and blessed the four of them. For the possessed it was like a furious jolt – a blow to their whole bodies – to the extent that they were thrown three metres backwards.

    So, was that the Telekinesis spell or Bigby’s Forceful Hand?

  21. anubisprime says

    jonathangray @ 18

    Have you ever read Wheatley? Just curious.

    Two…”Devil rides out’ and “To the devil a daughter” they read more like a RCC handbook on exorcism then just occult fiction.
    Each to their own I gave up in disappointment after the last.
    I have no idea what his other work is like…cannot be motivated to find out.

    So you seem convinced of utter bullshite…they should be to your taste.
    But one thing try and remember they are fiction, they are not real…maybe you had better let Amorth know that fact…saves further embarrassment.

    Fairy stories for gown ups might tickle your fancy, but most of us moved on after Halloween.

  22. voidhawk says

    #17

    Exactly the thought which went through my head! I’m imagining the Swiss guard standing by silently like a very brightly coloured Darth Vader as Luke (Sorry, Giovanni) rolls around in agony until Darth (Sorry! Swiss guard!) Realises his humanity and throws Palpatine (Damnit! The Pope) through the window of his Popemobile.

  23. jonathangray says

    One thing you can always say about an atheist — they know their way around a twelve-sided dice.

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