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Feb 12 2013

Rep. Steve Stockman: World Class Douchebag

Rep. Steve Stockman of Texas apparently thinks he’s in a competition to see which member of Congress can be the biggest douchebag. And let’s just say he’s the leader in the clubhouse after this move. He’s actually going to have Ted Nugent in the House chamber with him for Obama’s State of the Union speech.

Musician and gun advocate Ted Nugent will be Congressman Steve Stockman’s guest at Tuesday evening’s State of the Union Address by President Barack Obama. Nugent will be available to speak to the media before and after the Address.

“I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent joining me in the House Chamber to hear from President Obama,” said Stockman. “After the Address I’m sure Ted will have plenty to say.”

I’m sure the Secret Service will be thrilled to hear that a guy they had to interview as a potential threat after he said “Obama, he’s a piece of shit, and I told him to suck on my machine gun” is going to be in attendance. And who said of Hillary Clinton, “Hey Hillary, you might want to ride one of these into the sunset you worthless bitch.” He also called Dianne Feinstein a whore. And a sitting Congressman thinks this is the guy who should be invited to the State of the Union.

40 comments

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  1. 1
    Gregory in Seattle

    Given his being a batshit crazy gun-nut and Obama-hater, I trust that the Secret Service will have two agents with Nugent at all times.

  2. 2
    democommie

    I’m hopeful that the Secret Service will put a bumscope up the Tedster and then find some patriotically hued 4-point restraints for him.

    I don’t know that I want to compare Stockman to a douchebag, more like an enema bag.

  3. 3
    jameshanley

    Contra Gregory, I’d like to see the Secret Service pay no attention to Nugent. Don’t flatter the fucker, don’t give him a platform, don’t acknowledge his existence.

  4. 4
    Mr Ed

    Best possible outcome for Stockman and the GOP is Nugent says something to the faithful after. Anything else can be spun by Obama as more GOP-Tea Party fringe craziness.

  5. 5
    The Lorax

    A lot of people are going to be watching the State of the Union address. I sure hope Ted speaks up… that way everyone can get a good look at who he is.

    Remember everyone, this is from the same group of folks who thought it would be a good idea to have Clint Eastwood talk at their convention. And look at how well that turned out.

  6. 6
    davidhart

    Democommie @2: “I don’t know that I want to compare Stockman to a douchebag, more like an enema bag.”

    I would disagree. The great thing about the word ‘douche’ and its derivatives, is that a douche is ostensibly a feminine hygiene product which has the side effect of killing off natural vaginal flora, upsetting the normal ecology and allowing nastier bacteria to proliferate.

    Thus it is is a product which makes worse the problem it purports to solve – and is therefore a perfect metaphor to apply to all sorts of people who do the same :-)

  7. 7
    jws1

    I agree with jameshanley. Also, why worry about Sweaty Teddy? He’s a coward – he only shoots stuff that can’t shoot back and went to great lengths, by his own admission, to avoid military service, and not for some highfalutin commitment to non-violence. He’s the perfect example of the wisdom which observes that those who talk toughest are really quite timid when push comes to shove.

  8. 8
    Gretchen

    Well said, davidhart.

    As for Stockman….I just wish it were possible for such a person’s constituency to have an impromptu recall vote. Yes, I know they voted for him in the first place, but it seems like something of this nature should constitute legal grounds for them to change their minds.

  9. 9
    chilidog99

    Look at the bright side. Maybe Ted will get his wish and go to jail.

  10. 10
    Who Knows?

    I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent

    The standards for patriotism are pretty much non-existent these days.

  11. 11
    reverendrodney

    To be sure, the Nugent-Stockman entourage will be a circus. Look for Victoria Jackson to join them.
    Unless there is a dress code, Nugent will probably show up wearing a Confederate flag. I wouldn’t be surprised if he aims his finger at the president and says: “Pow, pow, pow!” or stands up on his seat and moons the place.

  12. 12
    janiceintoronto

    Perhaps you could just exile all your assholes to Russia?

    They’d fit in pretty well there…

  13. 13
    azportsider

    “And a sitting shithead Congressman thinks this is the guy who should be invited to the State of the Union.

    FTFY

  14. 14
    whirligig

    Aw, geez. They’re going to have to steam clean the whole room after shitpants leaves. Why does Stockman hate the janitors?

  15. 15
    Larry

    The standards for patriotism are pretty much non-existent these days.

    Not true. You just need to advocate 2nd amendment solutions to overturn elections you didn’t like and secession.

  16. 16
    grumpyoldfart

    Ted’s still alive?

  17. 17
    Marcus Ranum

    Grumpyoldfart@#16 – where should we deliver the shiny new internet you just won?

  18. 18
    A Hermit

    i hope we get major network TV closeups of Nugent smirking in the gallery along with commentary about his publicly stated predilection for underage girls and the story about him literally shitting his pants to avoid serving his country in a time of war…

    Probably won’t happen, but wouldn’t that be fun?

  19. 19
    uzza

    grumpyoldfart @16

    for 58 more days.

  20. 20
    lldayo

    i hope we get major network TV closeups of Nugent smirking in the gallery along with commentary about his publicly stated predilection for underage girls and the story about him literally shitting his pants to avoid serving his country in a time of war…

    Probably won’t happen, but wouldn’t that be fun?

    I can see the CNN titles now with both in the picutre. On the left “Senator Douchey McBaggins”. On the right “Famous Rock Has-Been Chester Shitpants Molester AKA Coward”.

  21. 21
    Jeremy Shaffer

    The biggest threat Ted poses here is that he might shit his pants in public but since shit was going to dribble out of him anyway it hardly matters if it prevails or succumbs against gravity to get out of Ted.

  22. 22
    Gregory in Seattle

    @jameshanley #3 – Nugent has already made threats against the President, and quite publicly. He should not be allowed anywhere near Obama without very close and very blatant supervision.

  23. 23
    d.c.wilson

    I have no problem with Nugent being at the SOTU, so long a he’s trussed up like Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs.

    No, scratch that. I hope he shows up shitfaced, moons the camera, or otherwise makes a complete spectacle of himself. Let all the world see the teabagger hero for what he is. Watching Fox and the rest of the wingnut entertainment complex squirm as the try to defend him tomorrow would be priceless.

  24. 24
    tommykey

    “I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent joining me in the House Chamber to hear from President Obama,” said Stockman.

    I keep hearing wingers extol what a great patriot Nugent is. Huckabee said the same thing not long ago. What I am curious about is what is it exactly that makes Nugent a patriot? Because he loves guns? Likes to hunt? Hates liberals?

  25. 25
    Who Knows?

    Because he loves guns? Likes to hunt? Hates liberals?

    I think you got the three basic qualifications right there.

  26. 26
    aaronbaker

    It’s the way these guys (Republican congressmen AND has-been-rightwing rockers) revel in their stupidity that still gets to me. That someone with any gray matter at all can be so un-self-aware shouldn’t surprise me any more . . . and yet it still does.

  27. 27
    fifthdentist

    What, was patriot John Hinkley Jr. unavailable?

  28. 28
    Modusoperandi

    What’s he hoping for, a guitar duel?
     
    The Lorax “Remember everyone, this is from the same group of folks who thought it would be a good idea to have Clint Eastwood talk at their convention. And look at how well that turned out.”
    It was the greatest thing ever. They showed their entire plan, their system, worldview, wide open, in flashing lights and fireworks, draped in the American flag; “Scared, angry, doddering old white man argues with an imaginary Obama“. It was a brilliant meta-microcosm of politics. If Eastwood doesn’t get a Tony for his performance, he was robbed.

  29. 29
    d.c.wilson

    Apparently, true patriots avoid military service at all costs but support any and all wars.

  30. 30
    Abby Normal

    There’s much that disturbs me about Ted Nugent. However, nearing the top of the list is the story told by listing his singles.

    Little Miss Dangerous
    She Drives Me Crazy
    Hey Baby
    Need You Bad
    The Flying Lip Lock
    Home Bound
    Tied Up in Love
    Yank Me, Crank Me
    Jailbait
    Habitual Offender

  31. 31
    D. C. Sessions

    Why does Stockman hate the janitors?

    Too many of them are brown.

    As for the potential spectacle, I’m imagining His Nugeness making a very loud and prolonged one, with the President pausing his speech while the surrounding Republican Congressmembers sit, doing absolutely nothing to intervene, while Nugent hogs the national cameras.

    I really want to see the news coverage try to make a “both sides do it” out of that.

  32. 32
    Doug Little

    Now he has a chance to prove himself right about either being dead or in jail all he has to do is to try and exercise his 2nd amendment rights when attending the speech. I think the odds just shifted in Vegas dramatically on hearing this news.

  33. 33
    Doug Little

    No, scratch that. I hope he shows up shitfaced, moons the camera, or otherwise makes a complete spectacle of himself. Let all the world see the teabagger hero for what he is. Watching Fox and the rest of the wingnut entertainment complex squirm as the try to defend him tomorrow would be priceless.

    Maybe he can stop all forms of personal hygiene and start shitting himself a week before, really let that patriotism brew for the big occasion.

  34. 34
    D. C. Sessions

    Watching Fox and the rest of the wingnut entertainment complex squirm as the try to defend him tomorrow would be priceless.

    They’re very good at simply ignoring things that they don’t like. Of course, a largish segment will celebrate it as the Kenyan In Chief only getting the lack of respect that he deserves. (This message brought to you by the letters “R” and “L”)

  35. 35
    Michael Heath

    Abby Normal,

    Why not Stranglehold? Here’ the lyrics:

    Here I come again now, baby
    Like a dog in heat
    Tell it’s me by the clamor now baby
    I like to tear up the street,

    Now I been smokin for so long,
    Ya know I’m here to stay
    Got you in a stranglehold, baby
    You best get outta the way

    The road I cruise is a bitch now, baby
    But no, you can’t turn me round
    And if a house gets in my way, baby
    Ya know I’ll burn it down

    You ran the night that you left me
    You put me in my place
    I got you in a stranglehold, baby
    You better trust your fate

    Yeah
    Sometimes you wanna get higher
    And sometimes you gotta start low
    Some people think they gonna die someday
    I got news, ya never got to go

    C’mon c’mon up
    C’mon c’mon up
    C’mon c’mon up
    C’mon c’mon up

    C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon baby
    C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon up
    C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon baby
    C’mon c’mon c’mon

    Road I cruise is a bitch now
    ya know ya cant turn me round
    And if a house gets in my way
    Ya know I’ll burn it down

    You ran the night that you left me
    You put me in my place
    I got you in a stranglehold, baby
    That night I crushed your face

  36. 36
    jnorris

    I wish to remind Mr Nugent not to look Pres Obama directly in the eyes. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT! Obama will use his mighty Kenyan Muslim Voodoo powers to make you join the Army.

  37. 37
    Ichthyic

    from his website:

    “I am excited to have a patriot like Ted Nugent joining me in the House Chamber to hear from President Obama,”

    yes, patriot Nugent, who shit his pants to avoid being drafted into military service!

    I’m holding back the tears.

  38. 38
    Ichthyic

    Remember everyone, this is from the same group of folks who thought it would be a good idea to have Clint Eastwood talk at their convention. And look at how well that turned out.

    hey, that empty chair is famous now!

  39. 39
    Darla Jean Christopher

    Stockman is a known drug abuser, Nugent as yellow as they come. The two fit together as the lowest on earth.

  40. 40
    Robert Root

    It would appear that all of Stockman’s friends have SH*T for brains. Someone needs to remind Nugent the “fecal matter” he speaks of is in his pants. “Dead or in jail” aye Ted, how about an ex-pat in Iceland.
    What kind of man spends all his time killing things that can’t fight back ? One sick SOB.

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