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Feb 06 2013

Jacobs Declares Another Victory for Prayer

Cindy Jacobs is one of the most ridiculous charlatans in the Christian world today. She is always telling stories about how her prayers prevented terrible things that never happened and how God does amazing, undocumented things like making her spaghetti last forever. Now she says that she was the one who prevented the global economy from collapsing in 2008 because she mobilized her prayer warriors.

Given that 2008 was the start of the worst recession since the Great Depression, one has to wonder how many people she would have needed praying in order to keep it from getting that bad. Thank goodness Cindy was there to save the day. Maybe she should take her magic spaghetti bowl to a homeless shelter or to some poor people’s houses.

20 comments

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  1. 1
    jnorris

    With all that miracle power at her disposal and she uses it on spaghetti and not the permanently disabled
    American veterans. Praise Jesus!

  2. 2
    theschwa

    To her credit, the world did not end in 2012.

    And Skynet did not become self-aware in 1997.

    You can’t explain that!

  3. 3
    Mr Ed

    Remember that big event that was outdoors and you worried that it might rain or be too hot. Do you know why it turned out alright? It was me, your welcome.

  4. 4
    Jasper of Maine

    I’m sure she just forgot to list her control groups and peer reviewed premises of the experiment.

  5. 5
    John Hinkle

    Kinda sad that people still fall for the post hoc ergo propter prayer fallacy.

  6. 6
    dingojack

    Hey Cindi – here we used our surplus to effect a Keynesian response, Our economy is doing a lot better than the US economy. No prayers required and it worked a lot more effectively.
    Perhaps you should have started praying for a surplus (and some politicians with guts) back in the mid-90′s .
    Dingo

  7. 7
    Sastra

    When I watch testimonies like this I’m struck by how incredibly familiar they sound — if you manage to ignore what they’re actually talking about. This little anecdote about how someone followed expert opinion and mobilized grass-roots forces in order to head off a disaster follows the common pattern of all such stories.

    She could be talking about a businessman’s warning concerning the economic collapse of some chain restaurants and describing how the owners all worked to head it off; she could be talking about noting empty tables and a possible disaster for the upcoming bake sale and recounting how she mobilized club members to all bring their favorite cakes; she could be talking about the wise elder of the village pointing out signs of an immanent flood and explaining how the villagers all worked together to get the grain moved to the high part of the mountain. Yes, this victory-for-prayer narrative follows the usual story arc.

    Which must be why none of the people nodding along with her have their skeptical alarms tripped. God is supposed to become a part of your life, so involved in every detail that these little tales of how God told you there was trouble ahead and you worked to fix that up through the power of wishful thinking just pass as normal for a person of faith.

    Yeah, I relate. Been there, done that. Not with the God and prayer part, of course, or the economics, or the global scale, or the incredible blindness towards the astonishing arrogance involved in claiming this sort of power — but yeah, I’ve managed to head off a problem my boss warned me about. Makes sense.

    Playpen Theory of Reality, again. The extraordinary becomes ordinary if you visualize the universe as being very small, social, and familiar.

  8. 8
    unbound

    You know, many prayers on Sunday were answered with the Ravens winning…so clearly praying works.

    Of course, those praying for the 49ers are clearly not very good christians…

  9. 9
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    If God didn’t want the global economy to crater, why didn’t He just keep it from cratering? Why go the roundabout route of encouraging Jacobs to send out her praying monkeys, and then responding to their prayers? You’d think He’d just cut out the middleman. Is there some power that human prayer has that God can’t muster on His own?

  10. 10
    roggg

    Think about it. There’s an infinite number of bad things that could happen, and infinite degrees to which they could happen. Financial meltdown, mortgage crisis and employment crisis not looking so bad now huh? God must be very busy indeed.

  11. 11
    ArtK

    Of course, those praying for the 49ers are clearly not very good christians…

    Well, they’re from gay-loving, hyper-liberal San Francisco. ’nuff said!

    Jacobs is one of the ones where I’m not sure if she’s a pious fraud or just a fraud. If she really believes this crud, how miserable and small her life must be, to have to make up these stories to make herself feel good.

  12. 12
    anubisprime

    Got no real problem with the whack jobs as long as they don’t circle jerk in the street and frighten the horses.
    What does ding the warning bell are the sycophantic brain dead droolers that nod sagely and believe every fucking dumb, unsubstantiated, ignorant, fatuous, cretinous, lying, clown like, dubious, crap and bollix the whack jobs vomit up and treat it as gospel.
    For fuck sake how low must the collective IQ of the followers must be to even listen to Cindy the freak and even consider for a millisecond that she was in any way shape or form… sane!

  13. 13
    glodson

    That was back in my Christian days, and I prayed for a global recession.

    I won the prayer battle!

  14. 14
    d.c.wilson

    I’m confused again. I though Gawd “withdrew his hand” of protection from America because we elected a Kenyan atheist Muslim socialist fascist in 2008. But according to Cindy, Gawd prevented an even worse economic collapse. Which is it?

  15. 15
    raven

    Perhaps you should have started praying for a surplus (and some politicians with guts) back in the mid-90′s .

    Clinton left us with budget surpluses. George Bush saw that and an economy running along just fine with low unemployment, and kicked it all to death.

    because we elected a Kenyan atheist Muslim socialist fascist in 2008. But according to Cindy, Gawd prevented an even worse economic collapse. Which is it?

    Whichever gets Cindy the most money. Prophets have to eat too, you know.

  16. 16
    glodson

    I’m confused again. I though Gawd “withdrew his hand” of protection from America because we elected a Kenyan atheist Muslim socialist fascist in 2008. But according to Cindy, Gawd prevented an even worse economic collapse. Which is it?

    God is vigorously moving his hand up and down over America until the climax of the Rapture when Jesus will come.

    Yes, I am ashamed.

  17. 17
    dingojack

    d.c.wilson – no, no, no. Gawd withdrew* only after the Marxist/Fascist/Corporatist/Anti-business/colonial/anti-colonial/ President** was elected in 2008. He was perfectly happy plowing away at America when the christianist moran was ‘in charge’.
    Dingo
    ——–
    * only then to avoid the ‘coming of the lawd’ (oh the cosmic santorum!)
    ** That is: [sotto voce] “He’s a nigger!”

  18. 18
    MikeMa

    @Glodson #16, Teehee & well done. I will be reusing that imagery with credit of course!

  19. 19
    billdaniels

    How can any christian take this woman seriously? She is clearly in violation of Deuteronomy 22:5
    “A woman shall not wear a man’s apparel, nor shall a man put on a woman’s garment; for whoever does such things is abhorrent to the lord your god.”
    And where is her veil?????
    And there better not be any men in the room!!!
    How come xians only follow the bible bits that they agree with and when it is convenient?
    I kinda think that any omnipotent loving god wouldn’t spend time to make spaghetti for ths perverse woman.
    Have we run out of tacos, cheese sandwiches, and trees where he can leave his pics?
    On the other hand, her mentioning spaghetti may be a sublte hint that she really believes in the FSM. RaMen!!!!!

  20. 20
    tsig

    She should pray for a new voice. Her screechy overtones made my ear bones itch.

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