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Newtown Shootings: Could It Be…Satan?

Over time, Dana Carvey’s famous Church Lady character on Saturday Night Live looks less like a parody and more like a direct impression. You knew it would only take a few minutes before some wingnut blames the shootings in Newtown, Connecticut on Satan himself. Dan Delzell, come on down.

Jesus said, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” (John 10:10) Satan is real….just like Jesus….and he would love to steal your soul, kill your body, and while he is at it….destroy your entire being. Jesus gives eternal life to those who belong to Him, including the 20 innocent children who were transported by God’s angels out of Connecticut as they went to be with the Lord.

Jesus called the children to Him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” (Luke 18:16) Satan hates children. Jesus loves children. Satan delights in seeing children killed. Jesus found joy in dying on the cross for children to earn eternal life for them.

Long before Adam Lanza appeared on the scene, the first Adam was causing even greater damage. God gave Adam and Eve free will when He created them. That was God’s choice. It was not God’s choice for the first Adam to sin. Eve’s husband made that decision all on his own, with some encouragement from his wife and from Satan who appeared as a serpent in the Garden of Eden. “Sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin.” (Romans 5:12) The sin of the original Adam opened the floodgates to all manner of evil upon the earth.

Nah. Mostly it opened the floodgates to lots of stupid arguments like this.

Comments

  1. Michael Heath says

    One incoherent aspect of this argument is that the biblical god is the one who is solely responsible for the after-life destiny of those killed who don’t make it to Heaven, but are instead destined for eternal punishment.

    So even if Satan existed and were responsible for the Sandy Hook deaths rather than the killer and to a lesser degree, his mother, that suffering is almost nothing relative to the eternal hell the non-Christian/non-elect adult victims are now or will be suffering thanks to the biblical god.

    I think the promotion, without evidence, of a god who would cause unimaginable suffering to some for all of eternity is the most evil, illogical, and contradictory aspect of biblical inerrant Christianity. It is a key premise in justifying the abuse of all children and violence in general. So we expose this belief relentlessly as long humanity suffers from a population which believes the Bible is all true, including its threat of the existence of a god whose created an eternity of suffering for some.

  2. says

    The Wholly Babble says nothing about the serpent being Satan. I thought those people were literalists in re the Wholly Babble.
    If one didn’t know better, one would swear they were just making it up as they go along.
    I suppose it helps to think of the serpent as Satan, because otherwise they’d have to believe in a fucking talking snake.

  3. says

    Back in my theist days, I was taught — by clergy in several different denominations — that Satan does not cause evil: he merely provokes it. If Satan caused sin, then salvation was meaningless, because free will was meaningless. God could have eliminated all evil and sin just by eliminating Satan, rather than having to cook up the hare-brained scheme that is the root of the Christian religion. And that by blaming Satan, we ignore — and thus do not address and correct — our own individual and collective culpability to why evil exists.

    I heard this same basic lesson from Congregationalist, Episcopal, Roman Catholic and UCC ministers, so it is not the teaching of a particular denomination. Granted, I typically attended churches who were active in social justice causes, which I suspect Delzell is not.

  4. dingojack says

    Newtown police have put out an APB on male persons, red, with pointy goatee and horns, holding a pitchfork with pointy or barbed tail and goat legs in the vicinity of the township, possibly heavily armed.
    Do not approach the suspect notify police immediately!
    Dingo

  5. dingojack says

    ** Update ***
    After consultation with the NRA, the Newtown Police Department have issued the following revised APB:
    Police are looking for a male person, claiming to be a plumber, 5 foot 6 inches high, wearing overalls, with a bushy moustache and an Italian accent, possibly answering to the name of ”Mario’.
    Do not approach, contact police immediately!!
    Dingo

  6. busterggi says

    Satan isn’t evil – that would mean Yahweh made a mistake and we all know an omnibenevolent perfect god can’t make a mistake.

    Its all part of the divine plan don’tcah know?

  7. Sastra says

    Has Satan ever succeeded in “provoking” someone towards damnation who otherwise would not have been damned?

    If so, then Satan can thwart the will of God — which is that all should be saved. That makes Satan at least as powerful as God.

    If not, then what the hell is Satan for? Style? Drama? Decoration? A flourish on God’s part, to make acts of human evil look more interesting?

  8. Thorne says

    holding a pitchfork with pointy or barbed tail and goat legs

    Gotta get me one o’ dem pointy tailed, goat legged pitchforks! Make a perfect match for my water-carrying brooms!

  9. dingojack says

    Thorne – be careful with those apprentices, they can get outta hand.
    Newtown Police also want to question, on an unrelated matter, the apprentice of a wizard calling himself ”Mickey the Mouse”‘, about issues relating to the a localised flooding event he may or may not be connected to…..
    Dingo

  10. Michael Heath says

    Sastra writes:

    . . . the will of God — which is that all should be saved.

    I don’t know of any biblical passages which claim it’s God will that all should be saved. Do you have a particular passage(s) in mind which explicitly asserts this?

  11. says

    If so, then Satan can thwart the will of God — which is that all should be saved. That makes Satan at least as powerful as God.

    I wouldn’t be so sure that the Biblical god wants everyone to be saved. You know, being the sovereign potter, it’s up to him to make a vessel unto honor or dishonor, so we mere vessels don’t get a say on whether it’s immoral to intentionally malform one of us. Because god’s property rights supersede the rights of conscious beings.

  12. mishcakes says

    Eve’s husband made that decision all on his own, with some encouragement from his wife and from Satan…

    See! Women are in bed with the devil, and were never pure. That’s why we must continue to treat them suspiciously, never know what schemes they’re cookin’ with Satan.

    A friend of mine, the only person I know who was agnostic and then became Christian, offered that the Sandy Hook shootings could not have been stopped by God because free will and linked to this article. I asked then where that left prayer, if God would not ever intervene? He didn’t have a good answer for that and admitted as such. It’s so clear from the outside that God just morphs into whatever is convenient for the individual. It takes so much mind-bending to fit reality into tiny God boxes.

  13. raven says

    God the all powerful creator, created satan and the demons and lets them run around doing whatever they do.

    He is ultimately responsible for his pets and tools.

    If the fundie god can’t control his creations, then why call him god?

    And just why did he make them in the first place? It’s not like we humans need help screwing things up. Thanks god. What passes for xian doctrines and theology is usually an incoherent mess.

  14. raven says

    The Wholly Babble says nothing about the serpent being Satan.

    True.

    In Genesis, satan hadn’t even been invented yet.

    The snake was just a walking, talking snake.

    Genesis 3

    And I will put enmity
    between you and the woman,
    and between your offspring[a] and hers;

    After the snake was kicked out of the magic garden (and what was it doing there in the first place?), he or she met a girl or boy snake and they had babies. Doesn’t sound like satan, who is not reported to be a husband and father.

  15. raven says

    What passes for xian thought is incoherent at best.

    Standard fundie theology. God is in charge and everything happens for a reason.
    and
    Prayer is powerful and can move mountains and win football games and lotteries among other things.

    God is the all powerful benign creator of everything.
    and
    God created satan and the demons and lets them run around doing things.

    These ideas are all contradictory.

  16. says

    Raven:

    A better question is: what was the Tree of Knowledge of Good ad Evil doing there in the first place?

    I mean, do you tell your kids not to eat candy before inner and then dangle it on a stick in font of them?

  17. Thorne says

    Police also want to question, on an unrelated matter, the apprentice of a wizard calling himself ”Mickey the Mouse”‘, about issues relating to the a localised flooding event he may or may not be connected to…..

    Just one Goofy thing after another. Fantas…tic.

  18. John Hinkle says

    raven:

    What passes for xian thought is incoherent at best.

    I have for a long time thought that the whole of Christian theology is incoherent. (All other theologies make sense though – dammit inner voice, be QUIET).

  19. Sastra says

    Michael Heath #15 wrote:

    I don’t know of any biblical passages which claim it’s God will that all should be saved. Do you have a particular passage(s) in mind which explicitly asserts this?

    It’s a popular assertion I’ve heard from Christians, who usually cite a passage from Timothy:
    “For this is good and acceptable in the sight of God our saviour; Who will have all men to be saved, and to come to the knowledge of the truth.”

    There’s also:
    Ezekiel 18:32) “I have no pleasure in the death of him who dies, says the Lord God: therefore turn yourselves and live.”

    (2 Peter 3:9) “The Lord is … not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”

    And maybe:
    (John 6:37) “him who comes to me I will certainly not cast out.”

    It’s just very strange trying to picture an all-powerful God stymied not just by “free will,” but by a devil who manages to turn away someone who was apparently right on the path to repentance and salvation. “Nooooo…. !” God weeps. “Not again!! I almost had that one! If only there was no Satan, that soul would have been safe.”

    Just seems so …. unfair.

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