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Harvey: Jesus Could Be Forced Into Gay Marriage

Linda Harvey, the absolutely delusional and malignant leader of Mission America, offers up a novel argument for why same-sex marriage would undermine the “legitimacy of man-woman marriage” — since Jesus is the “bridegroom” of the church, he could be forced to marry a man!

The words “bride” and “groom” were going to be replaced with “spouse A” and “spouse B” or “person A” and “person B” on marriage licenses, according to the original proposal.

That’s right; on official marriage documents, the words “bride” and “groom” were going to disappear. When advocates of homosexual marriage say how would two men or two women being allowed to marry change your marriage, here’s one way. Nonsense like this starts showing up and the legitimacy of man-woman marriage is automatically on defense against pretenders to the throne…

Then, speaking of brides and grooms, there’s another Christian concept that illustrates the unchanging standard of man and woman as the model for marriage: in the New Testament, Jesus is referred to several times as the “bridegroom.” And when he returns, he will return as a bridegroom seeking his bride: the church, which is the body of all believers, also called the Bride of Christ. It’s a beautiful analogy.

What happens to such a concept in a same-sex marriage? Does Jesus as bridegroom seek another groom?

Yes, Linda. That’s exactly what will happen. And we would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those pesky kids.

Comments

  1. says

    And when he returns, he will return as a bridegroom seeking his bride: the church, which is the body of all believers, also called the Bride of Christ. It’s a beautiful analogy.
    What happens to such a concept in a same-sex marriage?

    Who cares, I just want to attend the bachelor party! Forget turning water into wine.

  2. Chiroptera says

    Linda Harvey: And when he returns, he will return as a bridegroom seeking his bride: the church, which is the body of all believers, also called the Bride of Christ. It’s a beautiful analogy.

    Actually, when I was a young, heterosexual, and homophobic young man, that analogy kinda squicked me out.

    I’m just sayin’, is all.

  3. raven says

    Jesus is the “bridegroom” of the church, he could be forced to marry a man!

    Xians claim jesus is god. God is all powerful and can do anything.

    So how can anyone force jesus the god to do anything against his will?

    This doesn’t make any sense. Xians claim their gods are all powerful. And act exactly like…they don’t actually exist.

  4. Loqi says

    What happens to such a concept in a same-sex marriage? Does Jesus as bridegroom seek another groom?

    Well, if Jesus is gay, then yeah, I guess he would be seeking a groom, if he wants. Are you going to tell him he can’t?

  5. says

    I thought that little squit died with feces drooling down his legs, mewling and puling and whining about being forsaken, just like any other schizotype prosecuted for being a pain in the ass about 2000 years ago. How’s he gonna perform in the marital sack?

  6. says

    Then, speaking of brides and grooms, there’s another Christian concept that illustrates the unchanging standard of man and woman as the model for marriage: in the New Testament, Jesus is referred to several times as the “bridegroom.” And when he returns, he will return as a bridegroom seeking his bride: the church, which is the body of all believers, also called the Bride of Christ. It’s a beautiful analogy.

    1. He will return as a groom seeking his bride.
    2. His church, all believers, is the bride.
    3. That church includes men.

  7. says

    Not only what Modusoperandi said, but Jesus is engaged in massive polygamy, child marriage and even necrophilia (since dead believers are still part of the church).

    Hey! isn’t that what people like Harvey warned us would happen if gays were allowed to marry?

  8. says

    The absurdity really strikes me because they’re treating human language as if it were a programming language or like the arcane language of wizards. Even if political correctness went mad and changed the words, it’s not going to interfere with the ideas expressed through them. Complaining about the words glosses over their real problem: the idea of marriage is changing to conform with improved standards of morality (mutual informed consent, for one thing), and they’re being left behind as barbarians whose sham marriages don’t measure up.

    I’m reminded of some tabletop RPG (Exalted?) I read about, where the gods fear florists, botanists, and genetic engineers. Why? Because the universe was apparently programmed in the language of flowers, and they have the power to fiddle with the nature of flowers.

  9. hunter says

    If Jesus is the bridegroom of the church, and the church is the body of the believers, then he’s already married to a whole lot of men.

  10. Loqi says

    #10
    They did say all those things would happen if we allowed gay marriage. But they also promised us sex with animals, so they still underdelivered.

  11. The Lorax says

    Pointing out that Jesus is married to a lot of men who are involved in the church doesn’t go far enough. Remember, for the majority of the history of the church and even today at the higher levels, the church is operated solely by men. In fact, that’s the rule.

    So if Jesus is the bridgegroom of the church, the church’s own rules demand that Jesus marry men. Who’s forcing what on whom now?

  12. busterggi says

    This is almost like when Ms. started being used instead of Miss or Mrs. which had been the only choices earlier – why, we’ve never been able to figure out how to fill out paperwork since!

  13. leonardschneider says

    I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating…

    How did Christianity start? With thirteen guys and a hooker. There’s no evidence the hooker was making any money, either.
    That’s not the beginning of a world religion, that’s a Tuesday afternoon in any bar on Polk Street.

    Jesus never said a damn word about homosexuality; any presumptuous statements about how he felt on the subject will be treated with the scorn they deserve. Given his pattern of hanging around with societal rejects, my hunch is Jesus would have felt right at home in a drag bar. (For the record, it was Paul who had issues. IMHO, Paul wasn’t complaining so much about Teh Gey as he was venting about the overall decadence of Greek society at the time. Paul was quite the moralistic tightass, when it comes down to it.)

  14. Mark Sherry says

    I’m reminded of some tabletop RPG (Exalted?) I read about, where the gods fear florists, botanists, and genetic engineers. Why? Because the universe was apparently programmed in the language of flowers, and they have the power to fiddle with the nature of flowers.

    That would be Nobilis, where flowers were the tools by which angels shape creation. And the player characters themselves are gods. The author, Jenna Moran, also did some work for Exalted.

    You’re right, though, that they seem to believe that words shape, rather than reflect, reality. To change the name of something is to change its fundamental nature.

  15. says

    Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready

    Conservatives can breath a sigh of relief. Marriage to sheep is still permitted.

  16. had3 says

    @19: words do shape reality in many circumstances; that’s why there’s frequently a battle over the messaging. EG, “enhanced interrogation technique” is accepted by most Americans, “torture” is not. Changing the name makes allows the reality of its acceptance to change too. -sigh.

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