Brownback Declares ‘Day of Restoration’

Okay. So why didn’t this happen? Where are those “blessings and miracles in an unprecedented way”? You’ve already got tens of thousands of people, maybe hundreds of thousands, praying and repenting and doing all this stuff that was supposedly promised to result “healing, restoration and unprecedented unity and prosperity.” So where is it? Or what’s the magic number that has to be reached before it happens?

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42 comments on this post.
  1. D. C. Sessions:

    this stuff that was supposedly promised to result “healing, restoration and unprecedented unity and prosperity.” So where is it?

    Right here. This is it.

    Seriously — “unprecedented” may be a bit of a stretch, but certainly prosperity, healing (whatever that means), and unity? When, in living memory, have we been as united as we are now? When as prosperous?

    Read the fine print. It doesn’t say that we’d be moreunited or more prosperous, did it?

  2. Eamon Knight:

    On April 26, 2008,

    ….and the recession hit in a big way, what, ~5 months later? God wasn’t listening to the Big Flattery Rally? Or he was just annoyed by all the racket?

    But thanks, asshats, for doing something idiotic on my wedding anniversary (though perhaps not quite as idiotic as what certain Russian nuke plant operators did 22 years earlier).

  3. John Pieret:

    “The propitious [favorable] smiles of Heaven can never be expected on a nation that disregards the eternal rules of order and right which Heaven itself has ordained.” – George Washington, 1789.

    At least Brownback knows his target audience well enough to figure out that they won’t know or be able to look up such a highfalutin word as “propitious.”

  4. Sastra:

    If I lived in Kansas, I think I would spend the Official Day of Restoration refinishing an old but lovely piece of furniture, one in sore need of restoration. And I bet the finished product looks better afterwards than before.

    Isn’t this a blatant violation of the separation of church and state? We need not ask how they’d feel if Governor Brownback declared December 8th a day to consider the truth of Islam, and come back to our recognition of Allah as the One True God so that He might make the crops grow and the economy flourish. Someone is sure going to sue their ass… and it will be thrown out. But still.

  5. imrryr:

    WHEREAS, a vast majority of Kansans are never going to read this anyway so I might as well just fill this proclamation with a bunch of bullshit…

  6. holytape:

    The magic number is 1,734,491 people praying at the exact same time. One more or one less, or if any one of those 1,734,491 people is praying a millisecond off and it doesn’t count. Also it has to be done at 11:32 EST on the second tuesday after three full moon after the spring equinox. And everyone most be rotating counter clockwise at 13.25 degrees a second, or it doesn’t count. Because why should Yahweh care, if the people doing this don’t care enough to get it right?

  7. jaxkayaker:

    “The vision very clearly showed Michael W. Smith leading worship and former President George W. Bush repenting on behalf of the nation, culminating in a movement of God’s hand across America to bring healing, restoration and unprecedented unity and prosperity.”

    The president should repent on behalf of the nation? As in, ask for forgiveness? Maybe go on an apology tour of some sort?

  8. Larry:

    Too late. We already reelected Obama and god is back in his room pouting and plotting his next hurricane/fire/tornado/earthquake.

  9. D. C. Sessions:

    The president should repent on behalf of the nation? As in, ask for forgiveness?

    No, as in being ritually sacrificed for the sins of the Nation.

    Give me that old time religion, give me that old time religion, …

  10. ottod:

    And it would have worked too, if it hadn’t been for those darned kids and their dog! And you, Ed. If you had joined in, everything would surely be better today.

  11. parkjames:

    God is so damned insecure! He’d be willing to help us out of all of our problems through miracles, but his fee fees are hurt cause we don’t pay enough attention to him? What kind of petulant child do these nuts worship?

  12. grumpyoldfart:

    ReignDown USA, Inc. A non-profit 501(c)(3) organization

    I’d like to see the percentage of donations that are spent on:
    (1) The telecast
    (2) Staff wages
    (3) Yearly cash bonuses paid to board members

    I think I can guess where at least 80% of the money goes.

  13. vmanis1:

    In the UK, the Restoration is the time at which Charles II was, er, restored to the throne after the rule of Oliver Cromwell and the Puritans, replacing a joyless hatred of Christmas with general licentiusness. Two well-regarded historians have described the Puritans of the Civil War as `right but repulsive’, and the royalist Cavaliers as `wrong but wromantic’ [*].

    Here in British Columbia, it should be noted, Cromwell Restoration is a company which repairs flood damage. I don’t think you need to pray for them, a phone call will suffice.

    [*] Sellar and Yeatman, the co-authors of the seminal 1066 And All That, which recounts British history as it is remembered long after one has left school. Like Francis Fukuyama years later, this glorious pair identified the End of History, though their choice was the end of World War I, when the U.S.A. became Top Nation (their capitalization).

  14. scienceavenger:

    Pray all you want, just keep your hands off my evolution education.

  15. busterggi:

    I was unaware that the US was a perfect paradise in 2008. I guess I just wasn’t paying attention.

  16. coragyps:

    “….in Kansas and ask every citizen of our state to join in asking a Holy God to bring healing and restoration – help in mending broken lives, bringing peace to our families, our communities, and this land.”

    So let me be sure I have this right: Brownback wants to promote health care for all people throughout our land, end the brokenness caused by laws that discriminate against non-traditional weddings, things like that?

    Or am I missing something?

  17. John Hinkle:

    …to give her a vision for His people, revealing that He was about to move in a mighty way.

    Woa unto thee who happeneth to be standething under God at that particular moment.

  18. Dr X:

    Speaking of “calling on a merciful God during troubled times,” Joseph advised Pharaoh to run surpluses during the good years and deficits during the lean years. Joseph was a Keynesian.

  19. democommie:

    Y’know what? I just became a motherfucking believer. Not in GOD–he’s further down on my list than the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. No, I’m believin’ in zombies, the undead. Fucking republicans just keep re-animating. It’s makin’ me crazy.

  20. baal:

    Would that these prayer rallies actually did something. We could then solve everything with just one solution. It’d make school and work obsolete and we could get on with having more personal life time. Of course, if god is just counting heads, the chinese would bury us with their prayers (unless one or the other country has the right god…).

    @ parkjames “but his fee fees are hurt cause we don’t pay enough attention to him? What kind of petulant child ”

    You don’t get to call (even a non-existant god) something a “petulant child” and use “fee fee”. Is that short for penis like I’ve seen some feminists use (gendered insult) or short for feelings? In either case, it’s infantilizing.

  21. Ichthyic:

    conclusion:

    people who like to think they sound like they know what they’re talking about, but really have no clue, really REALLY like to use the word “Whereas”

    there was nothing else of any substance to learn from Brownback’s missive.

  22. Ichthyic:

    Too late. We already reelected Obama and god is back in his room pouting and plotting his next hurricane/fire/tornado/earthquake.

    …and wondering why Sandy backfired on him?

  23. Ichthyic:

    What kind of petulant child do these nuts worship?

    themselves.

  24. timgueguen:

    You all scoff, but if it weren’t for all that prayin’ and MIkey Smith’s cheesy Christian pop music Spacepope and Robotoid 12 would have succeeded in their plot to conquer America. Or maybe it was Governor “Name that makes think of a poisonous spider” would have turned into a giant spider and ate Kansas.

  25. Crudely Wrott:

    This particular “revelation”, this vision, as it is claimed, differs in what respect to all the ones preceding it? You know, all the other ones that failed. Could it be that they just need an extra measure of sincerity and a dash more piety?

    Perhaps they should try harder, reach deeper inside until they find satori and magically transform into stuperheroes to make up for the absence of their invisible stupernatural spook. That should most surely work.

  26. John Pieret:

    John Hinkle @ 17:

    Woa unto thee who happeneth to be standething under God at that particular moment.

    That’s worth at least half an internet …

  27. Ichthyic:

    You all scoff, but if it weren’t for all that prayin’ and MIkey Smith’s cheesy Christian pop music Spacepope and Robotoid 12 would have succeeded in their plot to conquer America.

    and thank god we didn’t have an invasion of Polar Bears!

  28. jayarrrr:

    I wonder how Shawn-Marie Cole’s living standard is now compared to 7 years ago? Drivng a little better car? Living in a little bigger house? Hubby able to quit his day job?

    I always said if I wasn’t a moral person I’d out-Tilton Bob Tilton in the grifter game… Man, just develop a line of patter with some 2-stroke motorcycle noises coming out of your mouth and sit back and watch the “Love Gifts” come pouring in.

  29. F [disappearing]:

    WHEREAS

    WHATEVER, with your stupid legalistic formalisms. This lends you no legitimacy.

    So the state is really paying for this shit? Also, does the phrase “host the national simulcast” actually make any sense?

    Leading up to the four-hour event, a massive storm with life-threatening tornadoes, heavy rain and winds, and lightning was heading straight towards the gathering at the National Mall in D.C.

    Your god says: GTFO and STFU.

  30. Dalillama, Schmott Guy:

    Do these jackasses actually know what the word ‘reign’ means? Things rain down, not reign down. Reign down doesn’t have a coherent meaning. Did no one copyedit this proclamation?

  31. thecalmone:

    None of the Lincoln, Washington and Jefferson quotes are actually “Calls on God” at all. They are all more in the nature of observations, or reflections.

  32. dingojack:

    John Hinkle (#17) – well, he is called Brownback after all.
    :) Dingo

  33. fifthdentist:

    Grumpyoldfart, check out GuideStar.org for form 990s on 501(c)(3)s.

  34. dan4:

    “WHEREAS, many of our families have slid into poverty, endangering our next generation of citizens, our lands are parched by drought, our quality jobs are scarce, business and industry are struggling to expand, and many of our people have fallen into despair;…”

    This would make a great ad for Brownback’s next election opponent.

  35. brian:

    It’s a really well-done marketing campaign. I’m sure they’re making a fortune in the Christian-nut-with-disposable-income demo. Just wonder what Brownback’s cut is. Endorsements from fundies?

  36. bradleybetts:

    Cleraly this guy has a different definition of “wheras” than I do…

  37. bradleybetts:

    *Clearly. FFS…

  38. bradleybetts:

    “His call to humility, prayer, worship, seeking Him with all of our heart, and repentance of our own personal sins was a cry for us to turn back to Him. “I am HERE!” He said. “I never left you! It is time…time to put me back in the center.””

    I think it was Mark Twain who said “I am always wary of those who claim to know God’s will, because I have noticed that it always seems to co-incide with their own.”

  39. democommie:

    “culminating in a movement of God’s hand across America”

    Wasn’t that Sandy? We want MORE of that?

    “You don’t get to call (even a non-existant god) something a “petulant child” and use “fee fee”. Is that short for penis like I’ve seen some feminists use (gendered insult) or short for feelings? In either case, it’s infantilizing.”

    Is it possible to infantilize a non-existent being?

  40. rationalinks:

    I live in Kansas, we aren’t all fundie nut-jobs, but those of us with working brain cells are grossly outnumbered by the fundies. There is a group of us who are trying to file a lawsuit against Brownstain (some are trying to get Dan Barker involved, but I don’t know if he has committed to anything or not). As a Kansas resident I am sick and tired of Brownback pulling crap like this. He’s easily one of the worst Governors this state has ever had.

  41. caseloweraz:

    The proclamation actually quoted Thomas Jefferson saying: “I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just; that his justice cannot sleep forever.”

    Boggle, mind.

  42. fastlane:

    I’m so glad I got out of that godforsaken state.

    (See what I did there?)

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