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Nov 27 2012

God Was Her Co-Pilot

We’ve all seen those bumper stickers that say “God is my co-pilot,” but this woman from Florida seems to have taken that a bit too seriously. After being pulled over and arrested for driving 100 mph while blowing her horn, she told the police that she was only doing what God commanded her to do:

A motorist who was blowing her horn and going 100 mph in a 30-mph zone on U.S. 1 in Fort Pierce at 1 a.m. Tuesday told officers God told her to do it.

Regardless, Melissa Miller, 41, of Port St. Lucie, was arrested on charges of reckless driving and speeding…

After she was stopped, an officer quoted her as saying she was speeding “because I was letting the Lord spirit guide me,” according to a police report. She attributed her lengthy horn blowing to “the Lord telling me to do it.”

Pretty stupid. On the other hand, that’s a god I could actually believe in — a god that just messes with people and tells them to do crazy shit. That’s probably what I would be like if I were God.

30 comments

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  1. 1
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Silly Christian. God only talks to televangelists, and He mostly says He wants money.

  2. 2
    Gregory in Seattle

    @Zinc Avenger #1 – Until He gets good and drunk, and starts telling televangelists that He is going to destroy the ungrateful tramp of a world.

  3. 3
    eric

    Sounds like God wanted her in jail or to get her license revoked. “Hey Melissa, don’t just speed, make sure you honk the horn while you do so.”

  4. 4
    Modusoperandi

    If it God telling her, she’d have been doing it naked. That’s how you can tell. That’s what I told the judge, anyway.
    Didn’t help.

  5. 5
    matty1

    @Modusoperandi, maybe if you’d put your clothes back on before going into court.

  6. 6
    Kengi

    I assume all the good Christians agree with this women. After all, how is this different from claiming religious freedom as an excuse to not follow the Affordable Care Act laws?

    Screaming “FREEDOM OF RELIGION!” is supposed to get you out of any legal responsibility you don’t agree with.

  7. 7
    Randomfactor

    She was just a bit early, that’s all.

    https://www.facebook.com/events/102311426566161/

  8. 8
    Moggie

    God speed!

  9. 9
    Modusoperandi

    matty1 “@Modusoperandi, maybe if you’d put your clothes back on before going into court.”
    I’m Orthodox.

  10. 10
    Didaktylos

    In his plea of mitigation, God claims that he was drunk and it seemed like a good idea at the time …

  11. 11
    grumpyoldfart

    I’ll bet the judge says he admires her faith and gives her a suspended sentence.

  12. 12
    chadwickjones

    god invented loony people…

  13. 13
    Stevarious, Public Health Problem

    On the other hand, that’s a god I could actually believe in — a god that just messes with people and tells them to do crazy shit. That’s probably what I would be like if I were God.

    “Abrahaaaaaam…”

    “Yes, oh Lord?”

    “Abrahaaaaaam… I have a task for youuuuu…”

    “Oh, certainly, Lord. Would you like me to sacrifice my son to your glory?”

    “Uhh… No… What? No, why would I want that? Jesus Christ that’s crazy.”

    “Oh, okay then. What would you like me to do?”

    “I want you to get on your mule and race it through town naked, yelling as loud as you can that you’re a crazy bastard and hooting like an owl!”

    “Certainly, Lord! This will display your glory for all to see, yes?”

    *snicker* “Yeah, that’s what it will do!”

  14. 14
    Johnny Vector

    I see what happened. God hates us all wasting time on the internet, so he made her do this just so we would have to award it (the internet) to Moggie. Now we all have to get back to work.

    God is apparently Rube Goldberg.

  15. 15
    Wes

    It’s possible that this woman is schizophrenic. Some times schizophrenics can have aural hallucinations that involve voices telling them to do things.

  16. 16
    d.c.wilson

    Last year, God told four people: Bachmann, Perry, Cain, and Santorum, to run for president. How is this any crazier?

  17. 17
    richardelguru

    d.c.wilson
    But the speeding could have got hurt someone, the running thing couldn’t have hurt anyb…

    Actually you have a point.

    Never mind,

  18. 18
    richardelguru

    forget the added got
    (and please get an editing capability :-) )

  19. 19
    busterggi

    I hope she maintains that she was following divine orders and forces the court to subpoena Jesus.

  20. 20
    Worldtraveller

    I might believe her, if God told her to stop touching herself….

  21. 21
    leonardschneider

    I think I’ve posted this video link here before, but…

    Take it away, Dr. Know.

  22. 22
    vmanis1

    I can actually believe her claim. For example, if she follows the Norse Old Religion, it might have been the god Loki (Loge, in Wagner), who enjoys playing pranks on people. I’m not sure if Coyote, in North American aboriginal tradition, would count as a god, but he too is a notorious trickster.

    If you hear a strange voice tell you to violate traffic laws, you should emulate Noah, who, in Bill Cosby’s[*] telling, responded to a suggestion that he should become a shipwright, `Who is this really?’.

    [*] Remember when Cosby was funny? He actually was, once.

  23. 23
    Subtract Hominem, a product of Nauseam

    All together, everyone!

    Don’t care if it rains or freezes,
    Long as I got my plastic Jesus
    Riding on the dashboard of my car.
    Through all my trials and tribulations,
    We will travel through the nations.
    With my plastic Jesus I’ll go far!

  24. 24
    A Hermit

    I’ve never understood the thinking behind that bumper sticker. If you have God i the car shouldn’t HE do the driving? He has to be better at it than you are, right?

  25. 25
    heddle

    vmanis1,

    Remember when Cosby was funny? He actually was, once.

    Oh, I found a treasure trove of Cosby my parents had from the 60′s on vinyl. Why is there air? That skit–where he is Noah: Neighbor: What is this? Noah: It’s an ark. Neighbor: An ark? Well would you mind getting it out of my driveway?–was classic.

  26. 26
    timgueguen

    All that having a “God is my co-pilot” sticker does is provide free advertising for these folks. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/God_Is_My_Co-Pilot_(band)

  27. 27
    democommie

    “It’s possible that this woman is schizophrenic. Some times schizophrenics can have aural hallucinations that involve voices telling them to do things.”

    Which might explain a lot of KKKristianist nonsense.

    For the record: If the woman is suffering from mental imbalance or some other malady I hope she gets some help. If not, I hope she likes walking everywhere.

    No photo? Can we be sure it wasn’t Vicky Jackson?

  28. 28
    tuxedocartman

    This is clearly bull crap! All good religious wackos know God doesn’t talk to women. Anybody check for a talking snake under the passenger seat?

  29. 29
    katenrala

    Christians respond that “God wouldn’t tell them to do that” when another claims that they were doing what their god told them.

    How do they justify the hubris to think they know the mind of their god and know what is a part of its plan and what isn’t?

  30. 30
    Leo T.

    On the other hand, that’s a god I could actually believe in — a god that just messes with people and tells them to do crazy shit. That’s probably what I would be like if I were God.

    It’s vaguely worrying that virtually the entire history of religion can be explained by a god or gods trying to come up with new “I can’t believe they actually did that” gags. Nothing has ever matched what happened with Emperor Constantine I back in the day, though. That spun out of control wondrously.

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