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Nov 26 2012

Robertson Sometimes Misses God’s Word

Pat Robertson, who fancies himself a prophet with a direct line to God, answered a question from a viewer and admitted that he whiffed completely when he said God had told him Romney would win the election. Apparently, there’s a lot of static on the line when he talks to God and sometimes he just doesn’t hear the big guy perfectly.

My favorite part is that he says you have to “practice” hearing the voice of God in order to hear it correctly. How long do you have to practice, Pat? You’ve been practicing this for 50 years now and you still suck at it. Or maybe you’re just a liar and a fraud. Yep, I’m going with the latter.

13 comments

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  1. 1
    dingojack

    Dear Pat – there’s a wonderful piece of technology available nowadays to prevent you missing god special cozy chats – an answering machine*.

    Dingo
    —–
    * ‘Sorry god, I’m not available at the moment, I’m too busy counting the mountains of cash the suckers have sent in (but you’re omniscient, so you knew that. So why did you call now?)
    Please leave a lame-ass, vague but scary-sounding prophecy after the tone’.

  2. 2
    Bronze Dog

    Of course, if a librul Christian says he’s hearing something different, it’s because he hasn’t practiced enough. At least that’s more or less what I got back in those days of my youth, whenever I got in an argument on the topic. To be fair, though, I was under the impression that god was a secular humanist back then.

  3. 3
    Jeremy Shaffer

    I would say that Robertson might want to review the Old Testament’s take on how to determine a false prophet from a true one and the proscribed method of dealing with them before pushing for a return that legal system but I doubt he has the self- awareness or intellectual honesty to see how that might apply to him. Even if he did I further doubt he’d give enough credit to his followers that they’d ever figure that out, a point he might be correct about given that they are his followers.

  4. 4
    Raging Bee

    God does not play dice with the Universe — he just plays “Russian telephone” with his followers.

  5. 5
    some bastard on the net

    I imagine the conversation went a little something like this:

    Pat: “God? Who will win the election?”

    God: “[Static]..Romney will..[Static]..win the election.”

    Pat: “Romney will win? Kthxbai!” *Click*

    God: “Aww, fuck, somebody get a cell tower up here!”

  6. 6
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    I ran into a spam comment today on an anti-vaxxer Youtube video claiming that Romney would be the antichrist, so wackaloon conservative was this person that it doesn’t matter if the prez is Republican. Apparently, the/an antichrist is not an innately evil person sent by Satan according to the older lore, but an elected position.

    But it was just funny to see that “Romney is probably the antichrist”. I want this sort of fundie locked in a room with the Robertson sort of fundie. It’d be like that scene from The Ruling Class, only better.

  7. 7
    d.c.wilson

    Back in 1992, Gos told Pat he was going to be president. I think God has just been fucking with Pat his entire life.

  8. 8
    Crazyharp81602

    And why did I asked his organization to pray that I own a pedal harp after I saw footages of people’s prayers for big things answered and fall for his Y2K scares many years ago? Boy am I sorry I ever got involved with Pat and his 700 Club cronies, frauds, and scams now!

  9. 9
    rbh3

    Ed wrote

    My favorite part is that he says you have to “practice” hearing the voice of God in order to hear it correctly. How long do you have to practice, Pat?

    Robertson is echoing a strain of evangelicalism that claims the God does ‘speak’ directly to people, but that ‘hearing’ and interpreting what God is ‘saying’ is a learned skill. Google “learning to hear god” for 187K hits.

    One of the scariest books I’ve read in the last 5 years is When God Talks Back, an anthropologist’s account of her fieldwork studying how evangelicals of this persuasion purposefully train themselves to ‘hear’ God’s voice in their heads.

  10. 10
    gratch

    To be fair to Pat god is one of those deities who mumbles and trails off in the middle of the sentence.

  11. 11
    stace

    He’s a bit of a low talker as well.

  12. 12
    Raging Bee

    Apparently, the/an antichrist is not an innately evil person sent by Satan according to the older lore, but an elected position.

    As I’ve been hearing it since the early ’70s (“The Late Great Planet Earth”), the Antichrist has always been portrayed as a progressive liberal who promises to “save” Mankind solely through good works, without God’s help. And since, of course, mankind was born in sin and we can’t save ourselves without God’s direct intervention, a progressive liberal who wants to save us without God will have to try to make himself a god and become as powerful and tyrannical as Stalin to do the job; and he’ll still fail so badly he’ll cause the end of the world.

    Yes, their hatred of liberals and progressives is really that deep, that longstanding, and that pathological.

  13. 13
    Raging Bee

    One of the scariest books I’ve read in the last 5 years is When God Talks Back…

    Well, yeah, it is kinda scary when God gets uppity and starts talking back…oh wait, that’s not what he meant?

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