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Allen West Concedes, Starts Career as Martyr

Rep. Allen West of Florida, one of the most disturbed — and disturbing — men ever to serve in Congress, has finally admitted that he lost his reelection bid to the House to Patrick Murphy after demanding a recount that put him further behind than the original count did.

“While many questions remain unanswered, today I am announcing that I will take no further action to contest the outcome of this election,” West said in a statement released early this morning to The Palm Beach Post…

“While there are certainly still inaccuracies in the results and the actions of the St. Lucie County and Palm Beach County Supervisors of Elections rightly raise questions in my mind and for many voters, after much analysis and (Sunday’s) recount in St. Lucie County, our legal team does not believe there are enough over-counted, under-counted or fraudulent votes to change the outcome of the election,” West’s statement said.

He will now officially begin his next career as a martyr, going on the Christian rubber chicken circuit to dazzle them with tales of imagined persecution and convince them that they are a downtrodden minority. I hear that’s quite lucrative.

Comments

  1. says

    While there are certainly still inaccuracies in the results and the actions of the St. Lucie County and Palm Beach County Supervisors of Elections

    Credit where credit’s due … he ran on the delusional ticket and he stuck with it to the end!

  2. beezlebubby says

    What is this about being a martyr without the usual convention of having first died for one’s beliefs? Living people can’t be martyrs. When West is forced into arena matches with lions, we can talk.

  3. D. C. Sessions says

    The usual insurance program for unemployed Republican officeholders is a gig with a think tank (assuming a lobbying gig isn’t available.) However, I don’t think even the Heritage Foundation is so flush that they can afford both West and his ghostwriter.

  4. zippythepinhead says

    The voters were clearly biased toward the Democrat. If we simply discarded all the votes for his challenger, then West would have won.

  5. John Hinkle says

    “While many questions remain unanswered, today I am announcing that I will take no further action to contest the outcome of this election,” West said…

    Translation: How in the fuck did he win? He must’ve cheated somehow. How could more people vote for a democrat? It just doesn’t make sense.

  6. yoav says

    with Glenn Beck gone fix noise still haven’t filled their really, really, really crazy slot, the Allen West show will be hilarious.

  7. says

    This whole bit of performance art was just his audition tape for Fox/Clear Channel.

    By January, he’ll have his own radio show and will be making regular appearances on Hannity’s America.

    No question.

  8. gratch says

    Well he remained consistent. His concession had all the grace and dignity his political career had.

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