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Lou Engle and James Goll Must Be Killed

Before the election, I reported that Lou Engle and his co-author James Goll had both made prophecies that Mitt Romney was going to be elected and would save America. Engle said that Romney’s election would provide a “window of mercy to America on several fronts, but chiefly the dividing of Jerusalem.” Then Goll said this:

Then the external voice of the Lord came to me saying, When the nation has been thrown a curve ball, I will have a man prepared who comes from the state of Michigan and he will have a big mitt capable of catching whatever is thrown his way…

But the Lord said there would be a man prepared who would come from the state of Michigan who would have a big mitt. Little did I know at that time that Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, was born in the state of Michigan. Little did I know, when I received this in 2008, that he would win his party’s primary for the 2012 national elections!

And of course, the Bible commands that false prophets shall be put to death.

Comments

  1. Randomfactor says

    Come on, only someone who BELIEVES that Bible stuff would actually go after those guys. Who’d be dumb enough?

  2. F says

    peterh

    He means to claim it was not imagination or an auditory hallucination, but a real voice carried by sound waves in the air from a megaphone in teh hebbenly cloudz.

    Randomfactor

    What? Or was that just random? (But fuuuuck. Some people… Good that she’s been arrested.)

  3. Mr Ed says

    Fortunately the Affordable Care Act provides for a range of pharmaceuticals that can help with the voices.

  4. says

    Randomfactor:

    I got your email with that link, one of many I’ve had sent to me. But I really think the part about the ADF is unfair. She didn’t work for the ADF, she was a cooperating local attorney in a single case. I’ve got a post written up about it that will go up tomorrow.

  5. John Hinkle says

    Then the external voice of the Lord came to me saying, When the nation has been thrown a curve ball, I will have a man prepared who comes from the state of Michigan and he will have a big mitt capable of catching whatever is thrown his way…

    And then the Lord said, Oops, did I say that out loud?

  6. says

    Deu 18:20-22:

    But the prophet, which shall presume to speak a word in my name, which I have not commanded him to speak, or that shall speak in the name of other gods, even that prophet shall die.

    And if thou say in thine heart, How shall we know the word which the LORD hath not spoken?

    When a prophet speaketh in the name of the LORD, if the thing follow not, nor come to pass, that is the thing which the LORD hath not spoken, but the prophet hath spoken it presumptuously: thou shalt not be afraid of him.

  7. naturalcynic says

    When the nation has been thrown a curve ball, I will have a man prepared who comes from the state of Michigan and he will have a big mitt capable of catching whatever is thrown his way…

    The curve ball to Buster was hanging and the right fielder caught it after it bounced off the right-centerfield wall. A double plating the two runners on base was pretty good. Too bad it didn’t go over the wall and the R’s were swept from the House.

  8. footface says

    Okay, wait.

    You mean to tell me God would reveal his Plan with silly puns and metaphors?

    Why wouldn’t he just say, “Mitt Romney’s going to be president”?

    It’s not like he created a Grade-A riddle there.

  9. Christoph Burschka says

    That wasn’t even a particularly entertaining prophecy. No vague portents, florid language, metaphors, references to Nostradamus?

    Bah. Can’t get the false prophets these days.

  10. yellowsubmarine says

    Now, wait a minute, WAAAAIT a minute! Just because Mitt wasn’t voted into office, that doesn’t necessarily mean that those prophecies were false. Maybe the curve ball is ACTUALLY a missile, and the mitt is …Afghanistan? And the chosen one doesn’t necessarily have to be born in Michigan, but maybe just passed through there at some point, or perhaps was thinking about Michigan at the time the prophecy was made. Or something. Would that make the chosen one Bush? Must be one of those retroactive prophecies… or perhaps that Obama character has a mitt of some kind and has thought about Michigan before…. AMG!

  11. dingojack says

    So god will throw a discredited informant on Iraq’s ‘weapons of mass destruction’ toward some nation or other, and someone (who owns one of those giant foam hands, and who comes from Michigan) is going to catch him even if the aforementioned discredited informant is thrown by god at, say, Tuvalu. Right.

    Little did I know, when I received this in 2008, that he would win his party’s primary for the 2012 national elections
    Little did you know he was going to lose the 2012 election big-time!
    A little less time listening to your auditory hallucinations, a little more time reading Nate Silver et al., would be a much more productive use of your time.

    Dingo

  12. arakasi says

    Then the external voice of the Lord came to me saying, …

    All right, it’s time to fess up. Who implanted the speaker in this guy’s dental work?

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