Before the election, I reported that Lou Engle and his co-author James Goll had both made prophecies that Mitt Romney was going to be elected and would save America. Engle said that Romney’s election would provide a “window of mercy to America on several fronts, but chiefly the dividing of Jerusalem.” Then Goll said this:
Then the external voice of the Lord came to me saying, When the nation has been thrown a curve ball, I will have a man prepared who comes from the state of Michigan and he will have a big mitt capable of catching whatever is thrown his way…
But the Lord said there would be a man prepared who would come from the state of Michigan who would have a big mitt. Little did I know at that time that Mitt Romney, former governor of Massachusetts, was born in the state of Michigan. Little did I know, when I received this in 2008, that he would win his party’s primary for the 2012 national elections!
And of course, the Bible commands that false prophets shall be put to death.
21 comments
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Randomfactor
November 19, 2012 at 1:43 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Come on, only someone who BELIEVES that Bible stuff would actually go after those guys. Who’d be dumb enough?
Randomfactor
November 19, 2012 at 1:46 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
PS: Only surprise here is the sex of the accused.
http://www.concordmonitor.com/home/2790496-95/biron-charges-lawyer-manchester
brucecoppola
November 19, 2012 at 1:54 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So, the Lord has dropped KJV English and now speaks in corny baseball metaphors?
peterh
November 19, 2012 at 1:56 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Whatthehell is an “external voice”?
F
November 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
peterh
He means to claim it was not imagination or an auditory hallucination, but a real voice carried by sound waves in the air from a megaphone in teh hebbenly cloudz.
Randomfactor
What? Or was that just random? (But fuuuuck. Some people… Good that she’s been arrested.)
Mr Ed
November 19, 2012 at 2:02 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Fortunately the Affordable Care Act provides for a range of pharmaceuticals that can help with the voices.
dugglebogey
November 19, 2012 at 2:05 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
It’s kind of disappointing to think the lord almighty talks in bad baseball metaphors.
Ed Brayton
November 19, 2012 at 2:11 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Randomfactor:
I got your email with that link, one of many I’ve had sent to me. But I really think the part about the ADF is unfair. She didn’t work for the ADF, she was a cooperating local attorney in a single case. I’ve got a post written up about it that will go up tomorrow.
John Hinkle
November 19, 2012 at 2:38 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
And then the Lord said, Oops, did I say that out loud?
Gregory in Seattle
November 19, 2012 at 3:09 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Deu 18:20-22:
emc2
November 19, 2012 at 3:16 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Big mitt from Michigan? So our savior is Prince Fielder?
naturalcynic
November 19, 2012 at 3:22 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
The curve ball to Buster was hanging and the right fielder caught it after it bounced off the right-centerfield wall. A double plating the two runners on base was pretty good. Too bad it didn’t go over the wall and the R’s were swept from the House.
footface
November 19, 2012 at 4:01 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Okay, wait.
You mean to tell me God would reveal his Plan with silly puns and metaphors?
Why wouldn’t he just say, “Mitt Romney’s going to be president”?
It’s not like he created a Grade-A riddle there.
Christoph Burschka
November 19, 2012 at 4:45 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
That wasn’t even a particularly entertaining prophecy. No vague portents, florid language, metaphors, references to Nostradamus?
Bah. Can’t get the false prophets these days.
conway
November 19, 2012 at 5:58 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Of course God is a baseball fan. The first sentence of The Bible is, “In the Big Inning…”
iangould
November 19, 2012 at 6:36 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
“There was weeping in wingnuttia; for Romney – Mighty Romney! – had struck out.”
mickwright
November 19, 2012 at 6:41 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
External voice. I love that. It’s a wonderful abbreviation of ‘gotta find a way to pretend this wasn’t a voice in my head’.
yellowsubmarine
November 19, 2012 at 10:07 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Now, wait a minute, WAAAAIT a minute! Just because Mitt wasn’t voted into office, that doesn’t necessarily mean that those prophecies were false. Maybe the curve ball is ACTUALLY a missile, and the mitt is …Afghanistan? And the chosen one doesn’t necessarily have to be born in Michigan, but maybe just passed through there at some point, or perhaps was thinking about Michigan at the time the prophecy was made. Or something. Would that make the chosen one Bush? Must be one of those retroactive prophecies… or perhaps that Obama character has a mitt of some kind and has thought about Michigan before…. AMG!
dingojack
November 19, 2012 at 10:25 pm (UTC -4) Link to this comment
So god will throw a discredited informant on Iraq’s ‘weapons of mass destruction’ toward some nation or other, and someone (who owns one of those giant foam hands, and who comes from Michigan) is going to catch him even if the aforementioned discredited informant is thrown by god at, say, Tuvalu. Right.
“Little did I know, when I received this in 2008, that he would win his party’s primary for the 2012 national elections”
Little did you know he was going to lose the 2012 election big-time!
A little less time listening to your auditory hallucinations, a little more time reading Nate Silver et al., would be a much more productive use of your time.
Dingo
arakasi
November 20, 2012 at 9:20 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
All right, it’s time to fess up. Who implanted the speaker in this guy’s dental work?
dingojack
November 20, 2012 at 9:31 am (UTC -4) Link to this comment
Bart Simpson – but you never saw it, and you can’t prove it.
Dingo