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Nov 18 2012

Republican Rock Sucks

In the last couple days of the presidential campaign, the difference between the two parties when it comes to music were crystal clear. President Obama had Bruce Springsteen traveling with him, while Mitt Romney had to settle for the Marshall Tucker Band — which cleverly changed the lyrics to its one hit song to “Can’t You See, What Obama Been Doin’ To Me?” I guess Ambrosia and the Starlight Vocal Band were busy.

But that’s just the start. I’m sure you’ve seen the painful rendition of America the Beautiful that Meatloaf performed next to Romney a week before the election. But in case you haven’t:

Holy shit. Give me a ‘B’ — I’ll flatten it myself. Then there was Kid Rock, who seems to always want to remind people what his name is by saying it 147 times in every song. And to top it all off, Jack Blades, the bass player and sometimes lead singer of Night Ranger, actually performed at the Republican National Convention.

Guys, seriously. Stop.

37 comments

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  1. 1
    Michael Heath

    I’m not a Marshall Tucker fan, owning none of their albums and having seen them once only merely because they served as a warm-up band; but Can’t You See is one of my favorite all-time songs. It’s #4 on my iTunes most played list. So this really sucks.

  2. 2
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Yeck. Mangulated music mess. Meatloaf? No thanks.

    I’d almost rather hear Mitens sing in that Letterman clip that’s been repeated umpteen zillion shows in a row.

  3. 3
    democommie

    I have a friend who is a Lynyrd Skynyrd fan (not sure why). I told him that I turn off the radio when I hear him, Nugent, Alice Cooper or any of the other Rockin’ Reptilicans bein’ cued up on the turntable.

    He said (this was back in early July, IIRC) that I should not worry about their politics as they weren’t REALLY pro-GOP.

    I haven’t seen him since but next time I do I’ll need to show him this–http://blog.gactv.com/blog/2012/08/23/oak-ridge-boys-lynyrd-skynyrd-lee-greenwood-to-perform-at-republican-national-convention/

    Why couldn’t all of these people been on that helicopter, ‘stead of Stevie Ray Vaughn?

  4. 4
    TGAP Dad

    I think you mean The Starland Vocal Band.

    Makes sense.

  5. 5
    badweasel

    That was really quite funny… Up until the point I felt compelled to pierce my eardrums with a biro.

  6. 6
    Argle Bargle

    Meat Loaf sings some decent songs, especially ones written by Jim Steinman (“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” for example).

  7. 7
    D. C. Sessions

    Part of the problem is that protest songs work a lot better when you’re protesting being at the bottom of the heap rather than having your privilege threatened.

    Or at least it does if you’re not the Kinks or Joe Walsh.

  8. 8
    Michael Heath

    I’m a Lynyrd Skynyrd fan, where that band died when the plane went down in 1977. What followed is a poor imitation of that band, especially the singer.

  9. 9
    nomennescio

    If Meatloaf had performed “Hot Patootie” instead, it might have swung my vote. Also: If you’re listening Satan, I’ll give you a majority share of my soul to watch Mitt attend a showing of RHPS and get de-virginized.

  10. 10
    dingojack

    “Marshall Tucker” – uh who?
    Dingo

  11. 11
    D. C. Sessions

    “Marshall Tucker” – uh who?

    A band that, back in the 70s, played a big role in establishing “country/rock” as a distinct genre — before the genre calcified and before most of the original band members left.

    FYI, the band is not named after a member, current or past.

  12. 12
    Nemo

    I believe the RNC had Journey as well, but of course it was Journey without Steve Perry. Oh, and they did it for money and didn’t endorse Romney.

    Pre-Celebrity-Apprentice Meatloaf would’ve seemed much cooler.

  13. 13
    democommie

    Oh, he’s singing. I couldn’t tell if Meatload was goin’ down on Mittmoroni or pukin’ at the thought of doin’ so.

    Possible captions for photo. FTW, “Meatload Meets Meetpuppet”.

  14. 14
    democommie

    Apropos of nuttin’ in particular; who remembers the fauxtrage when Roseanne Barr butchered the Star Spangle Banner?

  15. 15
    jason the cripple

    You forgot about Scott Stapp, the lead singer of one of the worst bands of all time: Creed. He went on Fox News and endorsed Romney.

  16. 16
    Moggie

    Rodney Nelson:

    Meat Loaf sings some decent songs, especially ones written by Jim Steinman (“Paradise by the Dashboard Light” and “I’d Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)” for example).

    1977 and 1993 respectively. When was the last time Mr Loaf mattered?

  17. 17
    Michael Heath

    jason the cripple writes:

    You forgot about Scott Stapp, the lead singer of one of the worst bands of all time: Creed. He went on Fox News and endorsed Romney.

    True, but the quality of his delivery probably had him helping only Barack Obama.

  18. 18
    Modusoperandi

    Meatloaf? Huh. Apparently he would do that.

    D. C. Sessions “Part of the problem is that protest songs work a lot better when you’re protesting being at the bottom of the heap rather than having your privilege threatened.”
    Ah, rightwing protest songs… Pull up the Ladder. Why the Poors Always Gotta be Agitatin’? Oops (I Stepped in Hippie).

    jason the cripple “You forgot about Scott Stapp, the lead singer of one of the worst bands of all time: Creed. He went on Fox News and endorsed Romney.”
    “I thought everything would change/I’m disappointed in Obama” is not a Romney endorsement. (2m45s up)

  19. 19
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    But yes, definitely, Bruce Springsteen is so much more awesome.

  20. 20
    naturalcynic

    Yeah, but Eddie was lip-smackin’ tasty

  21. 21
    Brad

    @16 Does paradise still get radio play? JT made a post about how meat fucked himself over by destroying his vocal cords around when that clip happened…

    Oh, you meant his political opinions? I’ll take “Never Never land” for 500, Alex.

  22. 22
    Rip Steakface

    Just wait fifteen years and you’ll see a decrepit, brain-dead Dave Mustaine shilling for the GOP. To be fair, at least the music itself would be light-years ahead of Marshall Tucker.

    On the other side, you’ll probably see the Democrats trying to pick up now-ancient 90s pop-punk bands. The issue with Democrats trying to get any left-wing bands is they would get a response similar to Sex Pistols and the RnR Hall of Fame.

  23. 23
    dan4

    @3: “Why couldn’t all of these people been on that helicopter,…”

    Democommie keeping it classy, as always.

  24. 24
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Meatloaf? Again?!

    In defense of Alice Cooper… oh, fuck it, I got nothin’, I just like his music.

  25. 25
    dingojack

    If the Democrats want an endorsement from a ‘hasbeen’ 90′s band I’m sure the brothers Gallagher* would be happy to take their money.
    They did it for Tony.
    Dingo
    —–
    * assuming they aren’t trying to kill each other that is

  26. 26
    democommie

    @dan4:

    Jesus, are you still upset that you’re so fucking stupid? What’s it been, about a year since you proved what an asswipe moron you are–and it still smarts, apparently.

    “In defense of Alice Cooper… oh, fuck it, I got nothin’, I just like his music.”

    We are all entitled to like what we like, I lean towards some odd bands, 10cc, Horselips, Groundhogs, John Entwhistle’s “Ox” among others. They had talent out the wazoo.

    Alice Cooper is a fucking hasbeen who’s a friend of Shurf Joe Apiehole and pretty much a ReiKKKwing KKKristianist asshole.

    His music is probably not really “his”, anyway. If he’s like a lot of other rockers he owes his success to a legion of sidemen, engineers and others who made HIM sound good. His silly horror shtick is pure camp. I’m sorta surprised that he never teamed up with Bette Midler and Barry Manilow on the Bathhouse Circuit.

    Scott Stapp is a poseur.

  27. 27
    larryfurst

    We’ve got the best comedians too.

  28. 28
    dingojack

    Demo – “[Alice Cooper's] silly horror shtick is pure camp”

    Yes, that’s the point. Try to listen to Black Widow without smiling*.
    Dingo
    —–
    * Especially when you know how fearsome Latrodectus is in reality. When threatened L. hasseltii will curl up into ball and pretend to be dead (don’t try this with Atrax robustus ;)

  29. 29
    WMDKitty -- Survivor

    Plus lyrics such as:

    “A three-minute waste of your time;
    No redeeming value of any kind;
    But thanks for the 12.99;
    For a song that didn’t rhyme”

    I listen to Alice because he’s good, campy fun, regardless of his political or religious leanings.

    Does anyone know what Ozzy’s religious and political views are? (More importantly, can you understand a word he says? I mean, that isn’t an obscenity?)

    /Curiosity, cats, you know the drill.

  30. 30
    democommie

    WMD Kitty:

    As I said, we’re all entitled to listen to whomever we desire to listen to.

    Alice is about half clever, but he’s all scum.

  31. 31
    Raging Bee

    The Starland Vocal Band? Seriously? Please tell me they didn’t do “Afternoon Delight.”

    And Night Ranger? Which of their past megahits did they do — “Sister Christian?” I’m sure the “family values” crowd would have loved that one.

    Did they get John Parr too, or was he busy? I would have loved to see his perma-smirk matched with Romney’s.

    I never heard about any of this in the MSM. I’m not sure whether that’s a nefarious coverup for the PoG, or an act of mercy for the rest of us.

  32. 32
    matty1

    Does anyone know what Ozzy’s religious and political views are?

    Mister Google says

    Religion
    Anglican Christian.

    Political Views
    Well, politics isn’t Ozzy’s thing but his lifestyle has certainly been one of liberal excess.

    http://hollowverse.com/ozzy-osbourne/

  33. 33
    scienceavenger

    What’s interesting to me is why conservative art is almost always far inferior to secular art (even my rock-loving Christian friends hate Christian rock), whether it is music, movies, or comedy (remember the right’s attempt at a SNL ripoff?). Why isn’t there a right-wing version of Colbert? Or Roy Zimmerman? Could it be that there is a fundamental flaw in the way rightwingers view the world? Does adherance to custom and tradition choke out the creative impulse? Does it have anything to do with the apparent lack of empathy in rightwingers? It’s been true for so long we just accept it without question, but it seems a question worth asking.

    I believe the RNC had Journey as well, but of course it was Journey without Steve Perry

    Well, they can’t get everything wrong. If there is a Hell, Steve Perry is wailing out of the sound system, right between Lionel Ritchie and Sammy Hagar.

  34. 34
    tfkreference

    @scienceavenger: I’d add James Taylor and Willie Nelson to the devil’s playlist (though strangely, I could listen to Geddy Lee all day long).

  35. 35
    Theron Corse

    @scienceavenger Because they are authoritarians, and authoritarianism and creativity don’t mix well.

  36. 36
    ottod

    I heard they invited Bradlee Dean, but he had to stay and work some extra jobs to pay off a judgment in some lawsuit.

  37. 37
    Modusoperandi

    Theron Corse “@scienceavenger Because they are authoritarians, and authoritarianism and creativity don’t mix well.”
    Rock is rebellion*. Rebelling against those below you isn’t rebelling, it’s privilege. And you can’t be a rebel if you can’t rebel against those above you.

    * Rightwing Ramones’ lyrics: “Twenty-twenty-twenty fours hours to go-o-o…I wanna do my homework!”

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