Quantcast

«

»

Nov 16 2012

Klayman Reveals God’s Plan

Larry Klayman, the dumbest lawyer in America not named Mat Staver (who is, in turn, the dumbest lawyer in America not named Larry Klayman), has some soothing words for wingnuts pouting over Obama’s reelection. Don’t worry, he says, God has a bigger plan.

Many times in the history of the world, God has destroyed His people and started anew when they strayed from His word. Just ask Noah what the flood was all about!

Well, I would do that, but Noah doesn’t exist. And there was no global flood to flee from. This is truly one of the most absurd stories in the Bible.

Had Mitt Romney been elected president, many among the flock would have been lulled asleep and deluded into thinking that a Moses had appeared to deliver us out of the Egyptian-like bondage we find ourselves in – thanks to our “Mullah in Chief” and his growing voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others who last Tuesday cemented his destructive hold on the White House and our country.

It is now clear that there is no Republican Moses. Indeed, if Mitt Romney could go back in time, he should have first advocated putting the Grand Ol’ Party into bankruptcy, along with Chrysler and GM. Now, with this latest stunning political defeat, the party has finally had its last hurrah and is dead once and for all. Good riddance! One party down and one more to go. The Democrats, who are even more corrupt than the Republican establishment (and that is hard to fathom, I know), are, despite their election victory, not far behind – that is, if We the People rise up and exercise our God-given rights and fight for our freedom.

I’ll take that bet. Neither the Republican or Democratic parties are going anywhere anytime soon.

The bottom line is this: Americans of faith and those who believe in capitalism and hard work as the means to achieve, not “Atlas Shrugged”-portrayed government handouts, have now seen their country taken over largely by uneducated and lazy morons, goons and thugs who want to dismantle all our Founding Fathers conceived of and fought for. And, their hateful Marxist desire to destroy Western civilization is not limited to the “Great Satan,” the United States, but to its biblical Judeo-Christian roots, embodied in the nation of Israel. With no racial slur intended, but only to employ the same lingo used sarcastically by many of Obama’s supporters to describe their past plight, if we do nothing and simply look to future elections to restore the nation, we will soon become the “new niggers,” relegated to the back of the bus – as the bus speeds away to quickly fall over the fiscal, social and moral cliff.

Sucks, doesn’t it? Of course, it doesn’t really matter what happens because you’re going to convince yourselves of that anyway. Unless you get 100% of what you want, which is a theocracy, you will convince yourself and others that you are a poor and persecuted minority. Your entire religion is based on an alleged act of martyrdom and you’ve never stopped applying that same narrative to everything that happens.

36 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    we will soon become the “new niggers,” relegated to the back of the bus

    More right-wing persecution fantasies. The concept of equality doesn’t parse for them. They don’t care whether they take the dominant or submissive role, as long as someone gets oppressed.

  2. 2
    Argle Bargle

    our “Mullah in Chief” and his growing voter hoards [sic] of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others

    That’s quite a crew to be hanging around a center-right Christian president.

  3. 3
    Chiroptera

    Just ask Noah what the flood was all about!

    Um, God throwing a temper tantrum, and then regretting it afterwards?

    At least that’s what a plain reading of Genesis would suggest.

  4. 4
    imrryr

    Could God have a plan so big that even He couldn’t fulfill it?

  5. 5
    reverendrodney

    “Many times in the history of the world, God has destroyed His people…” And so loved them that he gave his only begotten son?

    “… biblical Judeo-Christian roots, embodied in the nation of Israel.” Does that mean the Israelis start each day by reciting the Sermon on the Mount?

  6. 6
    anubisprime

    Just ask Noah what the flood was all about!

    This is where the xtian disconnect trundles in!
    They boast and swear till blue in the nether regions that god is an all knowing omniscient being!

    But so all knowing about what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen, that the clever clogs had to destroy the Earthly population with a flood, because he did not see their intransigence coming then regretted it, then conspicuously disappeared until Moses rolled up…then disappeared again!
    From then on Jeebus inherits the firm and the rest is history!

    Totally incoherent narrative and not a lick of sense in any of it!…I call it cobblers!

  7. 7
    raven

    Many times in the history of the world, God has destroyed His people and started anew when they strayed from His word. Just ask Noah what the flood was all about!

    Klayman is being a cafeteria xian like they all are.

    After the mythological Flood, god promises that the earth will never be destroyed again and will last forever in two places.

    Just ask Noah what the flood was all about!

    God the perfect, all powerful creator, attempting to fix his own mistakes. And that didn’t work either.

    If we are god’s creations, the fact that we are what we are is his doing, not ours.

    Which is what the Eden story says. Now why again were two brainless humans running around in a place with a magic tree and a smartass, talking snake? Any responsible parent would have put the Tree of Knowledge on Kpax IV, 50 million light years from here.

  8. 8
    raven

    Many times in the history of the world, God has destroyed His people and started anew when they strayed from His word.

    Being god’s chosen people is usually a disaster.

    After the Jews genocided the Canaanties, the payback was severe.

    They were overrun by the Assyrians, Babylonians, Persions, Greeks, and Romans. After 2 millennia of persecution by the xians, the Germans killed half of them.

    Anyone who ends up as god’s chosen people should turn white and faint. It’s a gift like TB or malaria and it never ends well.

  9. 9
    DaveL

    its biblical Judeo-Christian roots, embodied in the nation of Israel.

    How’s that again?

    those who believe in capitalism and hard work as the means to achieve, not “Atlas Shrugged”-portrayed government handouts

    Atlas Shrugged doesn’t spend too much time portraying government handouts. It spends a lot more time drawing a ridiculous caricature of “capitalism and hard word as the means to achieve”, where the entire world economy is based on the participation of a handful of super-genius polymaths that make Leonardo DaVinci look like an underachiever.

    if we do nothing and simply look to future elections to restore the nation, we will soon become the “new niggers,” relegated to the back of the bus

    Ah yes, remember the days when the NAACP was whining about how unfair it was that there were so many non-African-Americans that they had to win over a full 2/3 of their core constituency just to be the sole decider about everything?

  10. 10
    Strewth

    Ah, good ol’ fractally wrong.

    That’s exactly backwards of how Rand portrayed capitalism. Atlas Shrugged was about corrupt influence peddlers and whinging layabouts mooching off the work of ‘real’ capitalists.

    And guys like this can’t seem to grasp that the entity called “America” is made up primarily of people. So “America” can very easily ‘want’ and ‘value’ different things at different times.

  11. 11
    peterh

    Just ask Noah if he got permission to use Utnapishtim’s story. Or perhaps it was borrowed from Deucalion.

  12. 12
    Forbidden Snowflake

    radical gays and lesbians

    Because regular gays and lesbians don’t sound scary and demonic enough anymore. The times, they are changing.

  13. 13
    Scott Hanley

    have now seen their country taken over largely by uneducated and lazy morons

    This is the part that just kills me. I hear it over and over. Yet somehow the conservatives never seem to notice that the last two Democratic presidents reached the top despite the huge disadvantages of their birth, displaying unusual drive and talent to get their. True, they could never admit that Clinton and Obama are smart, but it’s hard to ignore how much they resemble Lincoln in rising from humble circumstances.

    Republican presidential candidates, on the other hand, are silver-spoon babies. McCain couldn’t remotely match the achievements of his father and grandfather, both admirals. Bush had no assets beyond his name. Romney, whatever his talents in the business world, seems to be an empty suit who, much like Bush, would have been easily controlled by smarter men in his party; Daniel Larison spent the entire campaign reminding us that Romney had been running for President for six years and still knew nothing whatsoever about foreign policy.

    If you believe in meritocracy, you almost have to vote Democratic nowadays.

  14. 14
    matty1

    Anyone who ends up as god’s chosen people should turn white

    I see what you did there.

  15. 15
    pocketnerd

    The bottom line is this: Americans of faith and those who believe in capitalism and hard work as the means to achieve, not “Atlas Shrugged”-portrayed government handouts, have now seen their country taken over largely by uneducated and lazy morons, goons and thugs

    “Why no, of course I’m not referring to any specific ethnicity or ethnicities. You’re the real racist for suggesting I am!”

    … if we do nothing and simply look to future elections to restore the nation, we will soon become the “new niggers,” relegated to the back of the bus – as the bus speeds away to quickly fall over the fiscal, social and moral cliff.

    I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at the GOP arrogating this term, since the they’ve spent the last few years rewriting the history of the black civil rights struggle. Nothing’s more threatening to their culture of phony victimhood than real victims.

  16. 16
    tyros

    A bit off-topic, but some bible scholars argue that some of the OT stories (like the more popular creation story in Genesis and the flood story) are based around a more folksy god, as opposed to the later ‘priestly’, abstract God. So the Yahweh in those stories could be the Canaanite deity of a henolatrist people (worshipping one god out of many), possibly an inexperienced child god who is neither omniscient or omnipotent. Don’t remember where I read this though… Not too surpising given the jumbled origins of the texts or that monotheism can’t have been around forever, but fascinating anyway.

  17. 17
    eric

    …have now seen their country taken over largely by uneducated and lazy morons, goons and thugs who want to dismantle all our Founding Fathers conceived of and fought for.

    I love it. Romney loses (in part) because of the way he insulted 47% of the voting population. So Klayman ups the ante by insulting 52% of it.

    These guys are like creationists. They just can’t help letting their true feelings come out in public, even though it has to be crystal clear to any sane person that that’s going to be detrimental to their cause.

  18. 18
    davem

    A bit off-topic, but some bible scholars argue that some of the OT stories (like the more popular creation story in Genesis and the flood story) are based around a more folksy god, as opposed to the later ‘priestly’, abstract God.

    My understanding was that Yahweh was one of several gods of the Ugaritic peoples. Baal was another, also familiar to Holy Babble readers, hence Moses’ trouble with Baal once he wandered off into the desert. None of the Babble stories are first editions.

  19. 19
    caseloweraz

    Klayman writes: “Just ask Noah what the flood was all about!”

    * ping! * Noah!

    “What?!”

    It’s the Lord, Noah. I’m going to destroy the world.

    “Right… Who is this really?”

    Gotta love Bill Cosby’s early work.

  20. 20
    ottod

    Who says the dead can’t rise again? I blame Paul Ryan for (among a long list of other blameworthy things) resurrecting Ayn Rand from well-deserved, near oblivion. Now, not only do we have to worry that his ‘economic expertise’ might somehow gain some traction, but we’re going to be inundated in Randian references for the foreseeable future. Why couldn’t that ZOGS have been like most of the other crazy politicians and gone for randy instead.

    By the way, ED, after reading Larry Klayman, I think we need some evidence that the Matt Staver comparison is needed.

  21. 21
    billdaniels

    A few comments:

    1. “radical gays and lesbians”? How do I get into this group? The most radical thing I did today was to put cinnamon on my oatmeal.

    2. “Anti Anglo whites”? What the fuck is that? I mean besides being blatantly racist.

    3. “…have now seen their country taken over largely by uneducated and lazy morons, goons and thugs who want to dismantle all our Founding Fathers conceived of and fought for.” I have been hearing this concept from my brother and my brother-in-law since the early 70s. Qualified white guys are being denied jobs that are given to unqualified blacks and hispanics and women. It seems to me that, after a few decades everything in the USA would have come to a grinding halt, what with unqualified people doing everything while white people are being so heavily oppressed. Am I wrong? Did this happen and I just didn’t notice? Maybe I shouldn’t have put that cinnamon on my oatmeal.

  22. 22
    footface

    Serious question here:

    What do they think their problem with Obama is?

    I know their real problem is that he’s black and liberalish.

    But what do they tell themselves when they fantasize about secession and use words like “tyranny”? Is it really just Obamacare? That’s the thing that’s going to destroy this country?

  23. 23
    mudpuddles

    …have now seen their country taken over largely by uneducated and lazy morons, goons and thugs who want to dismantle all our Founding Fathers conceived of and fought for…

    Do many people in America really have this sort of delusion? I am honestly baffled… like, what the f*ck is wrong with this guy? Do many people in the US honestly believe that shite? That half of the country are lazy freeloaders who are actively working to destroy the entire country?

    What percentage of Americans are really that f*cking DUMB? I ask that sincerely and with all due respect.

  24. 24
    footface

    It’s only about 48.84% of American voters.

  25. 25
    mudpuddles

    It’s only about 48.84% of American voters.

    .. that think like Klayman?

  26. 26
    Michael Heath

    Scott Hanley writes:

    Daniel Larison spent the entire campaign reminding us that Romney had been running for President for six years and still knew nothing whatsoever about foreign policy.

    Ironically, his ignorance remained in spite of writing a book which had a significant focus on foreign policy. Even that book’s title demonstrated some combination of ignorance, idiocy, or dishonesty, No Apology: The Case for American Greatness.

    Mr. Romney focused his energies on the same subject that George W. Bush did, which was how to win office. He revealed no zeal or effort on preparing himself to actually govern competently. For those of us who grade candidates based on our perception of their qualifications to govern, this was very obvious in 2008 where I was amazed he’d progressed little by 2012.

  27. 27
    coleopteron

    .. that think like Klayman?

    I wouldn’t call it “thinking” necessarily.

  28. 28
    dan4

    @2: I don’t believe that Obama is a communist or a socialist, but to call him “center-right” is laughable.

  29. 29
    dingojack

    Dan – here‘s a little graphic that shows the relative position of the US, and a moderately sane country (the UK) using various metrics.
    The Democratic Party is (by and large) centre to near-rightish, the Republicans far right.
    Dingo

  30. 30
    dingojack

    Dan – I’d say Obama is closer to the centre of American politics (but still left of it), thus ‘centre right’ would be appropriate.
    Dingo

  31. 31
    Pen

    With no racial slur intended,…

    Translation: you are about to hear a racial slur.

  32. 32
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ Pen : Yes but its okay, its just an “accidental”racial slur so that’s alright then!

    /sarc.

  33. 33
    slc1

    As big a schmuck as Klayman is, he is still topped by Orly Taitz as the worst lawyer in the country, IMHO.

  34. 34
    gratch

    “No racial slur intended…” To quote the always intellectually challenging movie Taladega Nights: “You can’t just say whatever you want if you say ‘No offence first’.”

  35. 35
    dingojack

    ‘No offence but your movie quotes suck cancerous, festering dog’s balls’.

    Nope, seems I can (that is, I am physically capable of) saying what I like after prefacing it with ‘no offence’. ‘May say anything you like…’ – well that’s a different matter entirely.
    [sorry, one of my pet peeves]

    :) Dingo

  36. 36
    slc1

    Re Scott Hanley @ #13

    We could add James Earl Carter, who was also not born with a silver spoon in his mouth, as a Democratic president who rose from humble beginnings to get a degree in nuclear engineering at the US Naval Academy and later become president.

Leave a Reply

Switch to our mobile site