Quantcast

«

»

Nov 15 2012

Best Pre-Election Rant Yet

We know that lots and lots of wingnuts were absolutely sure that Romney was going to win the election and ended up with egg on their faces, but this pre-election rant by Kevin DuJan, a “Christian gay man” and an “Out and Proud Conservative Republican,” may cause an overdose of schadenfreude. He’s telling his readers in advance to recognize the inevitable panic and fearmongering from liberals as they realize Romney is going to win:

Please take some time today to mentally prepare yourself for the psychological warfare and emotional terrorism that you’ll be inundated with on Tuesday, from the crack of dawn until the election is finally called for Mitt Romney (at about 9pm EST/8pm CST or so). The Ministry of Truth that is the national media is going to run psy-ops for Barack Obama all day, attempting to freak out conservatives in the last chance they have to keep people from heading to the polls and voting Obama out of office. Meanwhile, some conservative pundits and websites will be screaming “SHARK!” and also attempting to freak out Republicans…because the fear porn they push drives up web traffic and panicked people keep checking back with the site all day to see if it’s safe to go into the water again. Telling you there’s a great white in your bathtub has been a favorite trick of people like Ace at Ace of Spades, Allahpundit at HotAir, and Ben Shapiro at Breitbart because this sort of emotional terrorism gets people to tweet, email, Facebook post, and otherwise spread their articles far and wide…which drives up hits to their respective sites…and that in turn translates into more ad dollars coming in on Election Day…

You must understand that Minitru is going to keep claiming that “excitement is with Obama today!” or that “Democrats are coming out in droves to defeat Romney!”. They will show creatively edited video that makes it seem like Obama has large throngs of supporters headed inside to vote for him. But if you look closely, you’ll see it’s like North Korean propaganda where they show the same two dozen or so actors going inside…and then running out the back door and racing around the side of the building to join the line again at the back. They will do this all day.

There will be false exit polling coming in…with talking heads making up lies all day…and the whole point of all of it is just to freak you out. Freak you out and make you so crippling with frost-fingered fear that you can’t function on Tuesday and won’t be able to go out and vote or help other Romney voters vote. That is the point of all this propaganda.

You are too smart to fall for any of it…

I’m actually going to be watching MSNBC all day on Tuesday, from about 10am CST until the results are called later in the night. I’m going to treat it like the live stream transcripts I did of the presidential debates and will keep track of all the propaganda and lies that MSNBC tells people. This is the only time in my life that I will ever encourage people to watch MSNBC, but I am doing this because I want to see the meltdown that happens over there. I have been waiting for this for FOUR YEARS now. I expect it to look something like this when everyone in MSNBC studios realizes that Barack Obama is going to lose and the entire Regime of the Left is collapsing…

Tomorrow I am going to get the biggest honey-baked ham they have at the store. And I am going to eat delicious honey-baked ham all day on Tuesday. My friend Cecile in Michigan sent me two cases of Vernors and I’ll be drinking that as I watch MSNBC implode and panic. Justin’s going to be be out poll-watching with some other friends of ours, but I will be here manning the live stream coverage and making sure that it’s documented for history just how badly the Ministry of Truth behaved on Election Day…and how they melted into puddles of pure FREAK OUT when the state results rolled in.

I’ll also be watching several lefties on Facebook to monitor what the average Obama cultist is thinking as we get closer to Mitt Romney becoming out 45th president. It’s going to be marvelous seeing them all realize Nate Silver was lying to them and that there is in actuality a 0% of Obama being reelected. And there always has been, ever since Obamacare passed the House on March 21st, 2010.

Oh, such anticipated joy! Such bold prophecies of seeing his enemies slain before him! So what was his reaction after the election? God Has a Plan.

The Left was much stronger than we thought.

Tonight was a crushing blow.

America is not the place we thought it was.

Delicious. Absolutely delicious. And again, not because Obama is wonderful but just because it’s so much fun watching these people who were so incredibly sure of themselves, even in the face of all the evidence that they filtered out, crash and burn.

35 comments

Skip to comment form

  1. 1
    Michael Heath

    Wingnut:

    The Left was much stronger than we thought.

    In terms of looking at all the election results, liberals were stronger than I thought as well. I thoroughly enjoyed reading about overt liberals beating Republicans in some of the congressional races. However, I don’t think this suggests there are more liberals than what polls have measured, but instead that voters in some areas will increasingly vote for a liberal over a conservative; that’s fantastic news. I don’t consider myself a liberal, but I favor liberals winning far more than conservatives for reasons which should be so frickin’ obvious to all voters that list doesn’t require mentioning.

    What I think tipped the scales in the presidential election was not that there were more liberals than projected, but instead that there are more sane voters than this yahoo believed existed; as evidenced by his denial of pre-election analyses like Nate Silver’s.

  2. 2
    Larry

    How’d that all work out for ya there, Kev?

  3. 3
    hunter

    You have to understand, Dujan is a well-known loon who runs around claiming he can’t get dates because he’s a conservative, so no man will go out with him.

  4. 4
    composer99

    I like the telling contrast between the wordy, bombastic pre-election post and the terse post-election one.

  5. 5
    The Lorax

    Somebody get this man some cheese for his whine~

    What sort of cracker goes well with Republican Tears? Wheat?

  6. 6
    mattbenzing

    One thing he was right about: Vernor’s is a great drink. I didn’t know they still made it.

  7. 7
    Brett McCoy

    I think I must be the only person in my office who didn’t vote for Romney. Everyone here seemed pretty despondent on Wednesday morning with the usual rants about how the electoral college is broken and states in the midwest with low populations but wide areas of land should have as much weight as the states in the East that are small but have big populations. Of course these are the same people who use the ‘states rights’ trope and how there shouldn’t be Federal equalization…

  8. 8
    marcus

    Got any of that ham left? Bacon…? Shit, I’ll just have Vernors then.

  9. 9
    katkinkate

    I like to see it as the projection of what he thinks the Republicans would be doing if they believed they were going into a losing election. Makes me glad they managed to delude themselves into expecting to win. Their delusion may have saved us all from even more Republican bad behaviour than they managed at the time. They probably didn’t feel they needed to put too much effort into this one. But watch out for the next election.

  10. 10
    Amphiox

    In the US, moderate conservatives self-identify as conservatives. Moderate liberals self-identify as moderates.

    That’s why it often appears that there are so few liberals in America. There are in fact lots of people who support a variety of liberal ideas, but who don’t think of themselves as liberals.

  11. 11
    Abby Normal

    What sort of cracker goes well with Republican Tears?

    Fair Trade, Gluten Free, Organic, Kale Crackers

  12. 12
    eric

    It’s going to be marvelous seeing them all realize Nate Silver was lying to them and that there is in actuality a 0% of Obama being reelected.

    Teh karma! It burns!

    Dujan is a well-known loon who runs around claiming he can’t get dates because he’s a conservative, so no man will go out with him.

    Has he tried Craig’s list? Airport bathrooms?

  13. 13
    scott

    In the US, moderate conservatives self-identify as conservatives. Moderate liberals self-identify as moderates.

    This is why we need to win back the label of ‘liberal’. These moderate conservatives are looking at their side’s many lunatics and saying “these aren’t conservatives, I am”. But moderate liberals find some clown with a blog post about how we should defund the military and use the money to force everyone to be vegan or something, and think he represents liberals so they must be something else.

    We (liberals) have let ourselves be defined by right-wing caricatures, and it’s got to stop.

  14. 14
    Hercules Grytpype-Thynne

    Has he tried Craig’s list? Airport bathrooms?

    So you’re suggesting:

    a. Craig’s List
    b. Larry Craig’s list

  15. 15
    Akira MacKenzie

    Kevin DuJan, a “Christian gay man” and an “Out and Proud Conservative Republican…”

    Or, as I prefer to call him “Greedy, self-hating, kiss-up willing to sell-out the rest of GLBT community by sucking up to straight, white, Christian, men who run things around here in exchange for whatever scraps of acceptance he an get from them.”

  16. 16
    tubi

    Has he tried Craig’s list? Airport bathrooms?

    His nearest Republican legislator?
    The local NOM coordinator?

  17. 17
    Ben P

    I think I must be the only person in my office who didn’t vote for Romney. Everyone here seemed pretty despondent on Wednesday morning with the usual rants about how the electoral college is broken and states in the midwest with low populations but wide areas of land should have as much weight as the states in the East that are small but have big populations. Of course these are the same people who use the ‘states rights’ trope and how there shouldn’t be Federal equalization…

    This is an interesting contrast to my experience. My office is VERY conservative, but in a country club conservative sort of way. One of the corner office guys has a picture with himself and Reagan and his wife was a US Attorney appointed by Reagan.

    He came in on Wednesday and his sole comment about the election was “well, at least I was drunk before I started watching the election results.”

  18. 18
    Thorne

    What sort of cracker goes well with Republican Tears? Wheat?

    Personally, I prefer Wry.

  19. 19
    dingojack

    “Dujan is a well-known loon who runs around claiming he can’t get dates because he’s a conservative, so no man will go out with him”.
    Well Kev don’t give up hope. Who knows, perhaps Teddy Haggard been ‘reborn’ to man-dating* (yet again)?
    ;) Dingo
    —–
    * see what I did there?

  20. 20
    Draken

    His nearest Republican legislator? (…)

    His pastor?

  21. 21
    Chiroptera

    The Left was much stronger than we thought.

    It sure was. 50.3% of the voters, to be precise.

  22. 22
    kevinbeck

    Did anyone read his full bio?

    http://hillbuzz.org/contact-us-faq/about-kevin-dujan

    He’s not just a conservative gay man, but a conservative Christian gay man. And semi-literate generator of all sorts of fantastic writing that has appeared pretty much everywhere of note, blah blah blah.

    Why is it that out-of-the-closet conservatives, at least those who are public figures or at a minimum maintain wordy, noisy blogs, always seem to cling to the Christian aspect of their chosen political affiliation? I know plenty of irreligious conservatives, but I don’t think I have ever met a gay irreligious conservative. It’s as if their sexual orientation has them trying to look more credible to other conservatives through some sort of compensatory mechanism in which they rush far to the right on everything in which they have an actual choice.

    And, although I tire of the idea that racism and conservatism per se go hand in hand, Mr. Dujan isn’t shy in this area:

    http://hillbuzz.org/the-media-wont-admit-the-magical-black-man-failed-but-voters-have-no-trouble-at-all-firing-barack-obama-39989

    He’s been uncharacteristically silent for five days now, but his multidisciplinary meltdowns in the wake of the election make for some great reading.

    Also, he looks a little like Robert Downey Jr., but this is very likely beside the point, inasmuch as I have one.

  23. 23
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    I’m still sort of amused by this guy:
    http://www.google.com/search?q=romney+tattoo

    Kevin doesn’t seem to think very much of the conservative machine, either. Interesting.

    But I love the nonsense conspiracy theories. They are going to try to make you think Obama is winning! So – what? People who always want to be associated with the winning side will then vote Obama instead of Romney? Potential Romney voters would then decide to not bother because Obama was said to be winning? I don’t get it. I would imagine this hypothetical manipulation to have the opposite affect: Claiming Obama is in the lead would galvanize lazy conservatives to get out and vote. (This is how it works during campaign season, apparently just not on election day somehow.) It. Doesn’t. Make. Sense. Oh, wait – magical thinking. Right.

  24. 24
    cjcolucci

    I’m actually going to be watching MSNBC all day on Tuesday, from about 10am CST until the results are called later in the night. I’m going to treat it like the live stream transcripts I did of the presidential debates and will keep track of all the propaganda and lies that MSNBC tells people.

    So how did that actually work out? What was the final tally on the “lies and propaganda”? I watched much of the MSNBC coverage, and while it’s obvious that they wanted Obama to win, I thought they reported pretty straight.

  25. 25
    busterggi

    http://hillbuzz.org/god-has-a-plan-tomorrow-we-regroup-and-push-forward-56614

    Did you read the comment? (W)holy shit!

  26. 26
    sceptinurse

    Thanks busterggi, now I need brain bleach or a gun. I’m not sure which.

  27. 27
    Barefoot Bree

    I do like the phrase “frost-fingered fear”. I may steal that one myself….

    He can have the rest of the screed, and choke on it.

  28. 28
    Die Anyway

    I watched FOX for pretty much the same reason as this guy watched MSNBC. I wanted to see how the other side was playing it. I got to watch Karl Rove denying that it was over even as FOX was admitting that Obama had won.

  29. 29
    Stacy

    You must understand that Minitru is going to keep claiming that “excitement is with Obama today!” or that “Democrats are coming out in droves to defeat Romney!”.

    Yeah, sure.

  30. 30
    J Myers (no relation)

    states in the midwest with low populations but wide areas of land should have as much weight as the states in the East that are small but have big populations.

    Yes, all that disenfranchised dirt is the real tragedy of this election.

  31. 31
    Pen

    America is not the place we thought it was.

    I think that says it all and is actually quite lucid and rational.

  32. 32
    leni

    It will never get through moderation, but I just posted this on his site:

    “Your meltdown was a delight to watch.
    I didn’t bake a ham, it’s true. But I didn’t really need to because I had your public humiliation to feast on, which was free. And vegan and fair trade!”

    Kudos to Abby for the vegan/fair trade/kale crackers idea, that was hilarious :)

  33. 33
    Didaktylos

    Ah, schadenfreude – anything that feels this good has got to be bad …

  34. 34
    speed0spank

    “This smells fishy – we has the momentum, enthusiasm & early voting – Soros has been helpful in helping the Dems cheat a victory – I want the votes examined & challenged – it doesn’t add up.”

    These people have got to be kidding. Something doesn’t add up…and it is how many brain cells they have to rub together.

  35. 35
    kevinbeck

    Mr. Dujan is back after a nine-day hiatus from “blogging,” and predictably enough he is both propounding the theory that shadiness and deceit was behind the Republicans’ defeat two weeks ago and rallying behind the claim that by the 2014 midterm elections, Americans will have woken up once and for all to the evil and treacherous ways of liberals, etc., etc., friggin’ bla bla bla.

    I left a comment under his first post from today that may or may not make it though moderation:

    For God’s sake, the Republicans lost the election. By a lot. It’s not that the votes were miscounted, it wasn’t because of fraud, and it sure as hell isn’t because Americans as a rule don’t know what’s best for them, although plenty certainly do not — it’s frightening that Romney secured more than 15 percent of the vote, much less close to half.

    I will “credit” you with this much — I have probably never seen a blog more choked with laughable conspiracy theories, frantic and functionally illiterate commenters from who knows where, outright BS, and horrible, horrible predictions. I can see why you didn’t blog for nine days, as it must have taken most of that time just to lick your many wounds.

Leave a Reply

Switch to our mobile site