Explaining the Rainbow


Apparently there was a rainbow that appeared in New York after the hurricane went through last week. A rational person would find this neither surprising nor necessary to explain — when the sun comes out after it rains, you get rainbows — but David Jesse, a “men’s ministry speaker,” wrote an article at the Christian Post called Making Sense of the Rainbow Across NYC After Superstorm Sandy. His explanation is exactly as ridiculous as you might imagine:

An image came across my computer screen on Tuesday morning that reminded me of the love expressed by Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26) and that Apostle Peter speaks of in 2 Peter 3:9. It was a picture of New York City on the morning after the devastating floods of Hurricane Sandy. As the sun rose, God placed a rainbow above the skyline of the city. As soon as I saw it, I was reminded of what the rainbow symbolizes…

So on Tuesday morning, God reminded Himself of His promise never to flood the entire earth again. He reminded Himself that His love and mercy must prevail; that He longs to give humanity another chance.

Wait. He was reminding himself? Is he forgetful? Does he not remember what he supposedly said a few thousand years ago? Does he have (very) late-onset Alzheimer’s?

That image of the rainbow above New York City was contrasted in my mind with other images from the night before of the World Trade Center site being overwhelmed as the waters from Sandy surged over the island of Manhattan…

So again, as I was watching the video of the floodwaters pouring into the Ground Zero site, I was fearful and saddened by our continuous refusal to understand that these events are continuing to happen as a result of God’s love and mercy and desire to see us repent, so that a greater tragedy and judgment is averted.

This is such a bizarre conception of God, though entirely consistent with the Bible. It’s God as an abusive husband who alternates between beating his wife and telling her how much he loves her and he wouldn’t have to keep beating her if she would just do what he tells her to do. Praise the lord? No thanks.

Comments

  1. Larry says

    Hey, god is just like me when I was 6 or 7. I would go out in the backyard and burn ants with my magnifying glass. I was trying to teach them to worship me by sacrificing a few individuals in hopes I wouldn’t destroy their whole colony.

    And just like god, it didn’t work for me either.

  2. Ogvorbis: broken and cynical says

    As soon as I saw it, I was reminded of what the rainbow symbolizes…

    Gay rights? Works for me.

    [continues reading]

    Oh. I hurt you because I love you.

    Nevermind.

  3. Moggie says

    As soon as I saw it, I was reminded of what the rainbow symbolizes…

    Teh ghey? Obviously God’s message was “allow gay marriage, or else!”

  4. blf says

    The Magic Sky Faeries didn’t “place” the rainbow above NYC per se. Rather, they sneezed. Making all that rain and wind and storm surges is cold, hard work.

  5. markr1957 (Patent Pending) says

    Rainbows are easy – 32.12 degrees of refraction for red light and 31.85 degrees of refraction for violet light – DUH! It also explains why no two people can possibly see the same rainbow (now that’s magic).

  6. Michael Heath says

    Will there be rainbows in Hell to remind us that God’s love for us is eternal as we burn for all eternity?

  7. says

    I’m guessing that God tied a piece of string to his finger to remind himself that he hates gays and has notes on his fridge so he can remember to bring the tides in and out. Crazy old man.

  8. Chiroptera says

    Rainbows: God’s post it notes.

    Yeah, I can imagine what God was thinking.

    “Ha! I’ll destroy all the cretins by flooding the entire earth! Here’s Hurricane Sandy: it will grow and eventually develop into the storm that will destroy EVERYTHING! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    “But I feel like I’m forgetting something…. Oh snap! I promised never to flood the earth again! Rats! Well, shutting everything down, now.

    “Sorry folks. Hey, here’s another rainbow! Have a nice day.”

  9. says

    Does he have (very) late-onset Alzheimer’s?

    LATE?! Please. The Universe is only about six thousand years old. By God’s scale of things, this is EARLY onset Alzheimers. Which doesn’t bode very well for the rest of Eternity — would living right next to an all-powerful Alzheimers patient really be better, or even safer, than Hell?

    So, if he decides to hate us, does that mean that the Earth will become the land of gumdrops and candy houses?

    That would be a truly hateful thing for God to inflict on us — especially if there was no Indian take-away or salad-bars to break up the monotony.

  10. says

    HEre’s the REAL meaning of that rainbow: the storm was a reality-check for a campaign that needed one badly, and the rainbow was a reminder that we had a choice in how we responded to it. Fortunately, we took the hint, and elected the guy who DIDN’T promise to get rid of FEMA.

  11. Taz says

    dalbryn-

    I’m guessing that God tied a piece of string to his finger to remind himself that he hates gays and has notes on his fridge so he can remember to bring the tides in and out. Crazy old man.

    That’s it! You’ve cracked the code! ALL of god’s messages translate to “you kids get off my lawn”.

  12. Nick Gotts (formerly KG) says

    Obviously God’s message was “allow gay marriage, or else!” – Moggie

    One thing this God fellow never is, is moderate. So the message must be: “compulsory gay marriages for everyone, or else!”

  13. No One says

    Ed,

    you’re close with the abusive husband thing. I see it as an abusive binge drinker. Takes it out on the spouse and kids, and then demands love and respect. Depending on which phase of the binge he’s in. The next day it’s flowers and candy and trips to the zoo. If anyone falls out of line it triggers the next binge.

  14. bradleybetts says

    Making Sense of the Rainbow Across NYC After Superstorm Sandy

    Rainbows are an optical phenomenom caused by the internal reflection and refraction of sunlight within suspended raindrops.

    Fin

  15. Moggie says

    Nick Gotts:

    One thing this God fellow never is, is moderate. So the message must be: “compulsory gay marriages for everyone, or else!”

    I’m sorry, I support marriage equality for our gay friends, but I just can’t support that.

    Unless… hey, is Nate Silver single?

  16. Uncle Glenny says

    Olav

    Here is a real explanation of rainbows. Much more interesting:

    Tnx. More cool stuff for me to check out. Without those damned uncomfortable seats which don’t look like they’ve changed since 197x or earlier.

  17. eddarrell says

    A few years ago there was a YouTube video of a rainbow in a sprinkler, with a running commentary track from the woman filming the thing about how rainbows “used to be in the sky” but now were down near the ground due to some government conspiracy, probably chemtrails.

    A little bit of science ignorance can go a long, long way. Wish I could find the video.

    Recently I ran into another discussion among self-proclaimed science literate Christians discussing rainbows. “Do you know why they are shaped in that arc? It’s the curvature of the Earth . . .”

    Sometimes I think science ignorance and illiteracy is a virus, and if left untreated, the affliction gets worse in individuals, and becomes more epidemic.

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