What We Have to Look Forward To


Now that Obama has won reelection, the right wing would like you to know what you have to look forward to and Salon.com has a roundup of their most amusing predictions. I’ve already noted a lot of these in my blog over the last few months, so they won’t come as much of a surprise. But here are my favorites:

Hunted Down Like Dogs. Joseph Farah, who leads the far-right, conspiracy-mongering website WorldNetDaily, is under no delusions about his fate. “If [Obama is] re-elected, it’s gonna be war,” said Farah, who swears he saw a drone surveilling his Northern Virginia property. “We will be hunted down like dogs.”

Um. Who hunts down dogs? We use dogs to hunt other things.

One Thousand Years of Darkness. In a video posted on YouTube, tough-guy actor Chuck Norris and his wife, Gena, warn of “socialism or something much worse.” Quoting a 1964 speech by Ronald Reagan, Gena says: “We will preserve for our children this last best hope for man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into 1,000 years of darkness.”

The only thing scarier would be a revival of Norris’ “acting” career. Or worse, his “singing” career. In case you’ve never heard the theme for Walker, Texas Ranger, which he “sang,” here it is. Stephen Hawking has more vocal range as a singer and emotional range as an actor.

Comments

  1. says

    Let’s see if I can think like a fundy:

    1. Only gay marriages will be allowed. No hetero marriages.

    2. All women shall report to Planned Pregnancy to get mandatory birth control.

    3. All pregnant women will report to Planned Pregnancy for a forced abortion.

    4. All newborns will be given to gay couples so they can be raised gay. (Where they’re going to come from after mandatory birth control and abortion is beyond me — but this is how fundies think.)

    5. All churches will be converted into mosques.

    6. All official government documents must end with “Allahu akbar.”

    Of course, that doesn’t begin to start the crazy. I’m sure the specter of death panels will be raised.

  2. TGAP Dad says

    My favorite: witnessing Rush Limbaugh making good on his promise to leave the country, probably for Costa Rica, since the ACA (“Obamacare”) will not be repealed, and was ruled unconstitutional. Adios, Rush! Let us know if you need help packing!

  3. Randomfactor says

    Given the number of old white folks who now constitute the bulk of the Republican Party’s support, the January 2014 implementation of the Death Panels under Obamacare comes not a moment too soon.

  4. Doug Little says

    My favorite is The motor city madman’s prediction that he is either going to be imprisoned or dead if Obama is reelected.

    Win!

  5. DaveL says

    I can give you one predictionof my own: a run on ammunition, with one week left before firearm deer season opens in Michigan. Because Obama’s going to take your guns away. Again. Still.

  6. scienceavenger says

    I’ve already told all my alarmist teaparty friends and relatives to go review their viral email predictions from post-election 2008 and note that NONE OF IT HAPPENED! They’ve got about as good a track record as the psychics.

  7. stace says

    Don’t forget rounding up all the old people/terminal cases and shipping them off to the Soylent Green factories for reconstitution as food for the teeming masses.

  8. iknklast says

    “I can give you one predictionof my own: a run on ammunition, with one week left before firearm deer season opens in Michigan. Because Obama’s going to take your guns away. Again. Still.”

    Well, that can’t happen in Nebraska, because we just voted to add an amendment to our constitution enshrining the right to hunt. Because socialism, Obama, terrorists…I dunno. I do know that there has NEVER been a threat in Nebraska that anyone would outlaw hunting. Period. Ever. They’d probably outlaw Husker football first…and if anyone knows anything about Nebraska, they know that the only thing possible to know about Nebraska is Husker football.

  9. mishcakes says

    A friend of a friend on Facebook: “Prepare to be mircochipped. Bank and social security info. And those deemed unworthy of life won’t get the care they need. They will be killed.”

  10. DaveL says

    And those deemed unworthy of life won’t get the care they need. They will be killed.

    Err… don’t we already have that?

  11. Doug Little says

    Prepare to be mircochipped. Bank and social security info.

    Actually I would welcome this. No more carrying around a wallet with cards in it that you can lose or misplace in bars.

  12. spamamander, internet amphibian says

    I’m already “unworthy of care”… I had to make an ER trip I can’t afford and waste their resources to get a temporary refill on a medication with horrendous withdrawal symptoms, because I don’t have insurance and the sliding fee clinic couldn’t see me for two weeks. If there wasn’t a ‘persons in need’ program at the pharmacy I wouldn’t be able to afford my meds at all. I’m not exactly sure how things would change under the “microchip system” except that maybe some of the precious rich people might not be first in line?

  13. briandavis says

    @9 stace says:

    Don’t forget rounding up all the old people/terminal cases and shipping them off to the Soylent Green factories for reconstitution as food for the teeming masses.

    As long as these are privately run Soylent Green factories we should be able to keep the tea party happy. They would get very upset if there were a government takeover of the Soylent industry.

  14. mishcakes says

    Several people called her out for making no sense with either prediction, so she explained she had two miscarriages and abortion is murder. She couldn’t string together a coherent argument to save her life… but I suppose that’s not really surprising.

    Another friend of a friend stated “You gotta give Obama credit. He successfully convinced a nation that being successful is evil and being a lazy piece of shit is honorable and people believed it” – which was quite similar to a few of the other (all white male) whine fests I saw last night. Where does this “I voted for Obama so I can be lazy” come from? I don’t even know where to start.

  15. eric says

    @11:

    “Prepare to be mircochipped. Bank and social security info. And those deemed unworthy of life won’t get the care they need. They will be killed.”

    No, no, no. The thing Obama will install in you is a gem, in your palm, that glows a different color based on liberalness. If it ever reads red (for red-blooded murkin), you go to carousel.

  16. typecaster says

    They would get very upset if there were a government takeover of the Soylent industry.

    The government would never do that. They’re too afraid of the backlash from the Soylent majority.

  17. says

    Dick Morris, the one-time aide to Bill Clinton, told Sean Hannity on Fox News last March that Obama’s “big focus” will be to make the U.S. a “vassal state to a globalist entity.”

    And a nation of gelded layabouts suckling at the toes of big government.

  18. StevoR says

    @7.DaveL :

    I can give you one prediction of my own: a run on ammunition, with one week left before firearm deer season opens in Michigan. Because Obama’s going to take your guns away. Again. Still.

    Apparently you are correct – according to the Aussie ABC TV midday news, there’s already a rushed rise in sales at gun shops for guns, ammo and probably other firearm related stuff.

    “Becoz Obama gonna tek awhey owr guuunnnnns!!!1!” /Wingnut.

    (BTW. What did useful wingnuts ever do to get associated with ignorant horrible, misinformed humans I wonder?)

  19. Reginald Selkirk says

    Now that the election is over, I expect Obama to approve the XL pipeline, or something like it.

  20. dingojack says

    Ed asked: “Um. Who hunts down dogs? We use dogs to hunt other things”.

    Mittens – you think any self-preserving dog is gonna be willingly lashed onto the car roof?

    :) Dingo

  21. abb3w says

    @0, Ed Brayton:

    Um. Who hunts down dogs? We use dogs to hunt other things.

    The full historical form of the idiom is “hunted down like a rabid dog”, which makes rather more sense.

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