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Oct 31 2012

Nonexistent ‘Bible Code’ Predicts Romney Win

Leave it to the Worldnutdaily to promote this bullshit from some crackpot rabbi who still buys the long-discredited and, frankly, moronic idea that the Bible contains “codes” that predict current events. And that rabbi says the Bible codes predict a Romney win.

A well-known Bible-code researcher has bad news for Barack Obama, as he claims hidden texts in the Holy Bible indicate Mitt Romney will be America’s next president.

Moshe Aharon Shak, an orthodox Jew and author of “Bible Codes Breakthrough” has produced a series of videos on YouTube with his modern analysis of Scripture.

For those not familiar with Bible codes, they are said to be secret messages embedded in the Torah, the first five books of the Old Testament.

Here’s a video explaining the bullshit:

Wow, how convincing. So if that turns out not to be true, that disproves the Bible Code crap, right?

24 comments

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  1. 1
    TCC

    I hear that they decided to check the Torah after striking out with Moby-Dick.

  2. 2
    Childermass

    The Bible is completely right even when it seems to be wrong. When that happens it is always of our finite human misinterpretation of God’s code in the Bible.

    In other words, the Bible is can’t tell you squat about the real world. I wonder why?

  3. 3
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    However, careful analysis of Star Trek episodes which mention in-canon historical events and time travel fail to provide any confirmation of this new intelligence, so I’m not convinced.

  4. 4
    Randomfactor

    And furthermore Revelation confirms that Mitt Romney IS the Anti-Christ. Good to know.

  5. 5
    dingojack

    The market says – no. [/Carol Beer]
    Dingo

  6. 6
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    It’s amazing how these predictions are always last-minute. Tell us about the 2016 elections, jackass.

  7. 7
    Gregory in Seattle

    The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is “predicting” a landslide win for Green Party candidate Jill Stein. And Harry Potter and the Sorcerer Stone is predicting that Voldemort will continue on as High Warlock For Life.

  8. 8
    Neil Rickert

    This is great.

    Hey, Republicans – you have this one in the bag. You can stay home on election day. There’s no need to show up at the polls.

    Unfortunately, I don’t think many of them are taking suggestions from this blog.

  9. 9
    Michael Heath

    Childermass writes:

    In other words, the Bible is can’t tell you squat about the real world. I wonder why?

    The Bible can greatly inform us about the ‘real world’ as it was understood by people in the time it was written and edited and to some degree, about those who passed down stories prior to their being written down.

    Besides understanding these people’s perspectives, there’s a wealth of historical findings reported in the Bible and even some admonitions which still work very well today, the concept of both forgiveness and grace being two, also the promotion of taking care of those who are less fortunate.

    Inerrantists do not control how to interpret the Bible, and even if they did that still leaves many historical anecdotes and principled admonitions which are beneficial to understanding our reality today. The fact there’s a lot of evil promoted and historical bullshit doesn’t negate the truths which are also contained within where we’re not forced to either swallow all or none of what’s presented in the Bible.

  10. 10
    slc1

    Re MH @ #9

    It is my understanding that many of the alleged historical findings reported in the scriptures never occurred. For example, it is my information that recent archeological investigations have thrown considerable doubt that the Exodus ever occurred or that Hebrew slaves constructed the pyramids.

  11. 11
    davem

    Wow, that made me read Deuteronomy 28. It’s very timely, this post appearing as it does, on Trick or Treat day. God says:

    The Lord will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured. 28 The Lord will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. 29 At midday you will grope about like a blind person in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you.

    30 You will be pledged to be married to a woman, but another will take her and rape her. You will build a house, but you will not live in it. You will plant a vineyard, but you will not even begin to enjoy its fruit. 31 Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. 32 Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand. 33 A people that you do not know will eat what your land and labor produce, and you will have nothing but cruel oppression all your days. 34 The sights you see will drive you mad. 35 The Lord will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head

    ..and that’s only half of it. The only code to be deciphered there is “God is a dick of the first order”.

  12. 12
    matty1

    @10 The Bible is not history in the sense that a history book is history. It is more like your parents passing on to you stories about their grandparents and altering those stories to get you to tidy your room.

    Even the bits that are historical may not be accurate on the details but such stories are still useful in understanding history not primarily for any records of actual events they contain but because of the insight they give into the time they were written.

    To use one of the most well known examples the book of Daniel is pretty useless in studying the Persian period when it is set but much more useful if you want to know about the mindset of Jewish nationalists in the Greek period when it was written.

  13. 13
    had3

    @MH #9,
    Presumably this analysis is equally valid for many, if not all, ancient writings; or is there something special about the bible’s collections of stories?

  14. 14
    laurentweppe

    For example, it is my information that recent archeological investigations have thrown considerable doubt that the Exodus ever occurred or that Hebrew slaves constructed the pyramids.

    On the other hands, the same archeological investigations have shown that there has really been several migratory waves from the levant toward Egypt and vice-versa with some levantine immigrants raising to prominence in pharaonic Egypt. So, the opening of the Red Sea and 40 years of wandering through the Sinai… tough sell. Joseph’s egyptian success story, on the other hand, there may be a core of historical truth within all the embellishments.

  15. 15
    Michael Heath

    had3 writes:

    Presumably this analysis [Heath's post @ 9] is equally valid for many, if not all, ancient writings; or is there something special about the bible’s collections of stories?

    Of course there’s nothing special about the Bible, any well-informed reasonable person knows this; which was the exact perspective I took @ 9. “Well-informed” being people who’ve studied at least the relevant historical periods of human civilization, comparative religion, and ancient philosophy. Studying anthropology is also helpful.

  16. 16
    lofgren

    The most unlikely bit of the entire claim isn’t the bible code itself, nor the existence of God, nor the historical accuracy of the bible. The most unlikely bit is that Mitt Romney is important enough for God to even bother mentioning him.

  17. 17
    zippythepinhead

    Whenever I see G-d in these things, I think God damn! this guy curses a lot.

  18. 18
    fifthdentist

    I’d find it more believable if he had written that the Diebold code predicts a Romney win.

  19. 19
    busterggi

    What does the Book of Mormon code say?

  20. 20
    dingojack

    busterggi – Whatever you want, it keeps re-writing itself (on the suggestion of omniscient god, who should have known better in the first place).
    Dingo

  21. 21
    coryat

    That’s nothing, the beale cipher actually describes how theadore beale (vox day) will come to rule as a godking after his plans to disenfranchise women are enacted in 2013. The code text for the beale cipher is the book of wingnuttia.

  22. 22
    eric

    These guys clearly do not know how to best use the bible code. Step 1: visit Vegas. Step 2: while lounging around in your newfound luxury, look up who is going to win an election 40 years from now, and name your kid that.

    coryat – you disappointed me by going with Theadore instead of Jessica.

  23. 23
    dingojack

    Hey – I just discovered if you squint at it just right (ignoring extra noise) Genesis clearly says ‘Turn me on, deadman!’
    @@
    Dingo

  24. 24
    JustaTech

    Do these “bible codes” remind anyone else of “The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch” from Good Omens? (Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman) Totally acurate, but so specific as to be utterly criptic, and so incorrectly interpreted for centuries?

    Also, a work of fiction.

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